Signing up for a loan on behalf of girlfriend who wants a boob job

JayB

Our youngest is 15 weeks.

She was/is still upset so anything I suggested wasnt receieved with much hapiness.

She still thinks i am out of order for not taking a loan out for her, saying that I dont trust her to pay the money back (i do) when i explained what happens IF we were to split up she went off on one thinking that I dont see a future in our relationship. I explained that the main reason I do not want to get another loan is that I do not want to double my debt, this ofcorse is not an acceptable response and I am the bad one in all this by making her save money up if she wants to have her boobs done!!

Bubbles911

I haven't read the whole thread so may be going over old ground but just wanted to give the perspective of someone who has been there.

2 years ago today I had my boob job done. I know how your girlfriend feels, how hating your body has an impact on everything you do. I hated my body (to the extent of never even kissing a boy because I hated my body so much and I was 27 when I had the boob job) but didnt have the access to the kind of money to get one.

One day I was having an argument with my mum about something trivial and it all poured out, how I hated myself so much. My parents were shocked, I'm a size 8/10 and people say Im pretty but I dont see that. I only saw someone who naked looked more like a boy, my 13 year old neice had a more womanly figure than me.

I didnt ask my parents for money to have it done, they wanted me to be happy and had savings so offered to pay for the op and I would pay them back £150 a month and 2 years later I haven't missed a single payment and sometimes pay extra and I am so grateful for what they have done for me.

However, if your girlfriend is expecting a boob job to cure all her insecurities it doesn't. I thought my lack of confidence and self hatred was all down to my boobs and expected to be this new, happy and confident person after the op. it didnt happen because the insecurities are inside, once you have "fixed" one thing something else just annoys you in its place. Although i dont regret having my boobs done I wish I had seen it as just that, fixing my boobs, not fixing me or my life. She isnt going to come out of it feeling as if everything about her is perfect, if she has insecurities they will still be there, its just her boobs wont be one of them.

Although my parents lent me the money and I am eternally thankfull I would not reccomend taking a loan out for your girlfriend and if I was you, I would be annoyed that she was even asking. It is a huge commitment to take on a debt in someone elses name especially when its someone that could walk away leaving you to pay it. My parents knew that I was 100% trustworthy (I still live with them) and as we are really close that our relationship wouldnt break down. People on here all the time are saying about their partners leaving them with debt and they had no idea anything was wrong. Learn from their mistakes. If you do decide to do it, do it for yourself, dont let her whining have an impact on you, as I said its not going to be a miracle cure for her and also make sure you get a legal agreement drawn up showing she will pay it in the case of seperation.

I paid £3,000 for my op through Transform (I have a voucher for £150 off if that would help you pm me) so also think the cost is a bit much. Where is she planning to get it done?

Another thing your girlfriend should bear in mind is the recovery, the last thing she needs is a young baby when she is recovering. For weeks she wont be able to look after her and hold her due to the op so she needs to give consideration to that too.

If you or your girlfriend want to ask me any questions about the op and aftermath feel free to pm me. As I said I havent read what was said before yet because I am at work but I hope my post helped in some way.

Thepopster

Just skipping through a lot of this post. Ive had them done and they do not need replacing ever... they will last a life time.. saline.. they dont use sillicone no more

Thepopster

Wow transforms cheap my sister went with them i paid 4150 including travel and i also have a £150 voucher off I went with Mya.

I feel more confident with them but your right bubbles, they dont sort your life out lol.

daphne_descends

Oh my god she is not even 4 months post-partum - far far far too soon to make this decision - she needs to leave it at least a year. More like 2. Might she have a bit of PND?

Bubbles911

Thepopster wrote: »

Wow transforms cheap my sister went with them i paid 4150 including travel and i also have a £150 voucher off I went with Mya.

I feel more confident with them but your right bubbles, they dont sort your life out lol.

I shopped around a bit and apart from going abroad which I didnt want to do Transform were the cheapest and had a surgeon I really liked. The £3,000 included a chaufer driven car to Manchester and back (I live in Newcastle) for the op but all consultations were done in Newcastle.

I think one of the most important things, rather than price, is getting a surgeon you like and trust and who understands what you want. It just happened for me that I liked the cheapest company with the nicest surgeon!

On thing I meant to ask but didnt, has your girlfriend always had insecurities or is it just since she had the baby? Maybe if it makes her really depressed she could see her doctor and she might get it on the NHS? My friends neighbour did this but my doctor has known me since I was a baby so felt too intimidated to show him the problem.

margaretclare

aliasojo wrote: »

I read this, and thought it was a bit unfair, sorry.

I too am amazed, but I am amazed that people seem to think feelings should be universal and we should all feel the same way.........and if people do differently to us, somehow that makes us eligible to comment on how their choice is not a good one?

It's not a right or wrong subject. It's all subjective and personal.


In the whole scheme of things I agree that the desire for a boob job is not comparable with the suffering some people bear, whether it be physical, emotional or financial but we only have our own life to lead. We have to be true to ourselves and cant live as a reflection of other people's lives. If that means making personal choices that suit us and offend other people's sensibilities then so be it. Who are we to judge? I certainly haven't earned my saintly halo yet, have you? I can't say she's wrong for wanting to do what she wants to do, I think it's only wrong if putting her choice into practice affects others in a negative way, which it clearly would by putting the OP in further debt. But then it's up to him to say no isn't it? He now has a choice of his own to make.

The point I was trying to make is that it's the whole way of thinking of large numbers of people which has got so far off track. It's the 'because I'm worth it' scenario which we see so often. This young woman wants a boob job. Fine, if she had the price of it sitting in the bank, go off and do what you want - but be warned that it may not be the 'magic wand' that she expects. But she hasn't got the money. So a loan is the answer. She can't get a loan, so she turns to mother and/or boy-friend, and they are both being put in the wrong, subjected to emotional blackmail because the are unwilling to stump up with borrowed money.

The point I tried to make was that there are things which are worth borrowing money for, and there are things which are not, because in the long-term they do not make a damn bit of difference. Has this young woman not got any idea at all about WHY a woman has boobs in the first place? That she chose to have a child, apparently not being aware that body shape can alter a lot with pregnancy, childbirth and the postnatal period? Emotional aspects, feelings, capacity for rational thought, have also been known to be affected by this period in life. It takes several months for the body to return to its original state following childbirth and the emotional and mental state also.

In the meantime, taking out any loan in the present climate is, I'd have thought, highly unwise. Battening down the hatches and trying to live within one's income is a far more sensible strategy.

Pinklady_3

JayB wrote: »

She cant get finance as her credit is very poor (a defaulted joint bank account with her ex which hasnt been paid)

This should be ringing alarm bells!

I would say DON'T get a loan - doubling your debt is not a good idea. If she really wants this work done she needs to save up for it, it is too easy to get you to get a loan. And it is wrong of her to try to use emotional blackmail to make you change your mind.

You wouldn't be on here asking for advice if you didn't have reservations and you will kick yourself if you are left stuck with a debt if you were to split up (I hope you don't but you never know what is going to happen)

And as for having a carrot dangled in front of her - if her mother agreed to get a loan and then changed her mind that is in no way your fault - it is between her and her mother.

I also agree with other posters who have said she may have post natal depression - in which case a boob job would not be the solution.

Shineyhappy

Have you and her talked about having any more children because from the sounds of it, if you want any more then it is pointless having the op?

What about a compromise? You set up a debt/boobjob account and split the money raised 50-50 between paying off debts and the bj. You could both do the normal dfw style stuff, Ebaying, second jobs, surveys, mystery shopping, lodgers etc and although it would take a while to get the money if you wanted more kids then it wouldt be such an issue.

I wouldnt get myself into any more debt but I can see that she is desperate which is why she might be more unreasonable than usual. But if she is desperate she should be willing to work hard and make sacrifices to get the money together.

Cerisa

oh dear god. When I was ten I developed breasts. until the age of about eighteen i would have done anything to get rid of them, including surgery, if I had realised it was an option. Now I'm far more self confident and appreciate them, cos they're great. Maybe if you spent more time reassuring her and making her feel beautiful, instead of arguing with her that you 'can't afford' the loan, she'd stop bloody hassling you, and everyone would win. She'd feel sexy and secure, she wouldn't have to risk her life and possibly leave your children motherless, you wouldn't have to risk your precious credit rating. See? Result!