Signing up for a loan on behalf of girlfriend who wants a boob job

debs66_2

hi jayb, i've been in this job for 7 years now, so i have considerable experience of women like your partner. 25 is young for an uplift, and my surgeon would only consider it if he thought it absolutely necessary. if it is necessary, however, then she must have a high degree of sagging.

i should point out, however, that the degree of healing re scarring should never be guaranteed, as it is an unknown quantity, unless your GF has had surgery before and knows how her skin heals. the scar will be the shape of an anchor (circle or half moon, with line down, and small upwards arc under the breast). this is a large area of scar, which should fade to a fine pencil line, but as i said, unless she's been 'cut' before, no one knows.

i think you are right re getting your house in order before you look further into this, and it might be worth a second opinion re the uplift at this stage. if she does go down this route, make sure she only has an appointment with a surgeon, as some companies allow nurses to consult, but the best person to advise is always the person who would perform the surgery if she was to proceed.

aliasojo

It doesn't matter a jot whether people think a boob job will help her self esteem or not. The fact is she feels it will. I have to say I agree that it might. People can change all aspects of themselves to help boost their self esteem, they can lose weight, wear wigs etc so why boob changes should be viewed any differently, I have no idea.

Low self esteem is a terrible thing which can encroach on your life across the board, so it's all very well saying she should be doing this that or the other, she will likely feel so bad about this that it's her strongest focus right now. It is akin to depression in a way as people become slightly blinkered and cant really see past their problems.

Having said all that, I think this is a save up for exercise and no way should you get into more debt for it. You need to support her but you also need to stay practical otherwise the fallout problems that could stem from having more debt will be much more severe than just dealing with your gf's upset.

Tell her you're happy to try to help save up for the op and suggest ways to cut down on your outgoings to let her see you're serious. Maybe then she would feel it was still acheivable even without a loan?

margaretclare

I have read this whole thread with interest and I am amazed. Absolutely amazed.

I am amazed that people have so lost the basic idea of what life is all about, that anyone should even be thinking this way.

I agree so much with what tomstickland wrote on page 2.

I am amazed because I know people who are really struggling with the essentials of life. I know of people who have paid huge sums for treatments which will prolong their life - cancer drugs etc. I read of one only this last weekend, a woman whose life was being prolonged because she was paying for treatment that the NHS had refused on the grounds that it was 'not cost-effective'. Paying for these drugs herself meant that she was also barred from any form of NHS treatment which is freely available to the rest of us. Loans and gifts from her 80+ mother had helped give this woman a few more months to spend with her family, put her affairs in order etc. And your GF wants you to borrow money to pay for her a breast enlargement. She's even considered asking her mother to borrow this.

From years of experience, and decades of being in debt, can I say that I would never again borrow money unless it was for an absolute essential. A house, yes. We all do that. A car? Well, maybe, but I would do my darndest to pay it off quicker. A loan for education/training to improve employment prospects? Yes, but only if I could pay it off quicker. You don't see the interest racking up, but it's scary. A loan to prolong someone's life? Yes, without a doubt. Loans for anything else - non-essential consumer goods, cosmetic surgery? No, never in a million years.

Can I just say that I am unhappy about the state of my boobs. I'm 73 and they're far too big for my height, so I look unbalanced. I would like a breast reduction. There is no question of my borrowing, or asking anyone to borrow, I could pay for it, especially by flying to Prague or somewhere like that. My DH won't hear of it. 'You're as God made you, and I love you as you are.' He does see my body as it is, and like my face, it shows evidence of a lifetime's wear and tear. He still likes it.

Also, no surgery is without risk. Any surgeon will tell you that at the initial interview. There is no magic wand.

love-hearts

I think if it means that much to her then get the loan. I had my boobs done at age 38, I went to Belgium and it cost me £2100, I went to a UK surgeon for a quote and he said £4500:eek: . I never had boobs and after having 2 babies and breastfeeding them I was left with 2 empty prunes. My boob job was well worth every penny. I didn't go huge, I went to a c cup.

tincat

pukkamum wrote: »

I'm sorry but you will have a baby with her but won't lend her money in case you split up??????

I haven't read the rest of the thread as have to rush out, but just wanted to jump in here. That's not fair....

Don't lay a guilt trip on someone because they don't want to be 5K (or 7.5k) in the hole for something that is not essential. I would have loved work done on my tummy & boobs after having kids, but have to live without unless I win the lottery.

I'm sure if it was a life threatening problem, the OP would stump up immediately.

RoxieW

I think the points being missed here. Regardless of whether she should or shouldnt have a boob job, surely there shouldnt be a loan involved here from boyfriend to girlfriend. This woman is the mother of his child, they live and raise a family together - surely finances should be shared and decisions made together? She's on a low income as her primary role is Mum so surely it shouldnt be a matter of a 'loan' from him to her to be paid back. Either they spend the money as a family or not at all. If I was desperate for a boob job (that would be for my hubbys pleasure as well as my own!)I would expect us to decide together and pay for it together.

tiamai_d

I am sorry, but I think she is being selfish and worse. She is now emotionally blackmailing you?!

However.... Given your cicumstances, could you perhaps come to an agreement.... Set a time limit, a year maybe, it will give her body time to recover from childbirth for a start, but she has to speak to a counceller. If after a year of speaking to a counceller about her low self estem and hang ups with her body, she is still wanting the surgery, then you could get a loan. In that year you can also work hard towards paying off your debts and saving.

It will also sound less like you are just saying no out of spite (she will be seeing it this way right now) and more that you are wanting to do something constructive to help her.

daphne_descends

How old is your youngest?

PRegnancy and breastfeeding does have an impact and often leaves the boobs feeling a bit flat/empty - give it time and they will probably fatten a bit again

aliasojo

margaretclare wrote: »

I am amazed that people have so lost the basic idea of what life is all about, that anyone should even be thinking this way.




I am amazed because I know people who are really struggling with the essentials of life.

I read this, and thought it was a bit unfair, sorry.

I too am amazed, but I am amazed that people seem to think feelings should be universal and we should all feel the same way.........and if people do differently to us, somehow that makes us eligible to comment on how their choice is not a good one?

It's not a right or wrong subject. It's all subjective and personal.


In the whole scheme of things I agree that the desire for a boob job is not comparable with the suffering some people bear, whether it be physical, emotional or financial but we only have our own life to lead. We have to be true to ourselves and cant live as a reflection of other people's lives. If that means making personal choices that suit us and offend other people's sensibilities then so be it. Who are we to judge? I certainly haven't earned my saintly halo yet, have you? I can't say she's wrong for wanting to do what she wants to do, I think it's only wrong if putting her choice into practice affects others in a negative way, which it clearly would by putting the OP in further debt. But then it's up to him to say no isn't it? He now has a choice of his own to make.

Paparika

JayB wrote: »

Thanks again debs, you are exactly right when you describe the breasts as empty, sagging sacks of skin, thats how she describes them. She is 25 in december btw.

The surgeon did explain that there would be considerable scarring, from the nipple down..but would go in time which my gf was fine about.

I did mention to her last nite about making inroads to get her credit rating up to speed, whcih would take time, & in the meantime save up...suggested getting forein students in as we have a spare room not being used.

what was her reaction / reply to your suggestion