Signing up for a loan on behalf of girlfriend who wants a boob job

tealady

Hi. Could I suggest that you put the matter on hold for say 6 months. Then during those 6 months you carry on paying off your debts at the same rate AND put aside the amount that would be the repayments on the loan. That would perhaps show you if you can realistically afford another debt.

kittiej

I don't think a boob job would get to the root of your gf's problems.

She needs her confidence building up instread of a quick fix.

This will probably be just the tip of the cosmetic surgery iceberg if you ask me so your £7500 will soon turn into tens of thousands.

What if it all went wrong and she ended up being deformed? You would get the blame I expect for supplying the finance.

You can't expect to have children and your body not to suffer in some way, that's what happens, changes in body shape, stretch marks and other gruesome stuff.

Tiger_greeneyes

Kittie's right about this escalating. An old friend of mine had a boob job after having her 3rd child - about 7 years ago. She's had three more since then as they weren't quite right and one of them was terrible. Then she wanted a tummy tuck too. I know it cost her about £25k and I have it on good authority that she's still having work done now. It cost her her marriage and some of her friendships too, the more she had done, the unhappier she was with the rest of her body and the more she pushed everyone away. Surgery really isn't the answer to your girlfriend's insecurities.

Debt_Free_Chick

It also seems to me to be an issue of low self-esteem. Trouble is, that once the boobs are fixed, she'll then find something else that needs to be changed, in order to be "beautiful". It's rather like those who will be .... "happy when ....." as if the occurrence of a specific effect is going to suddenly make their entire lives "happy".

The money would be far better spent on some CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy)

frugallass

I agree with DFC about CBT

DrFluffy

JayB wrote: »

She has body issues as it is and her boobs dont help bring her mood up.

It's fairly rare for a boob job to change this, and often leads to a different feature being the one hated and in need of cosmesis.

Have you both thought of some kind of counselling or other talking therapy for her?

zara*elise

Hiya,

I had a boob job, and unless anyone has ever been plagued with tiny boobs and a big bum you'll have no idea how it feels. My self confidence is sky high, whereas before I used to literally cry when I had to choose what to wear. I only chose to have my breast augmentation when we were financially able to pay for it.

The first thing I did was haggle the price down. My surgeon was so qualified and had performed on celebrities and I loved his results. He worked for two companies so I played each on off the other and got it down to £3050.

I wouldn't take out a loan unless you can get a 0% interest rate and can pay it all back before the interest rate kicks in.

x

zara*elise

Debt_Free_Chick wrote: »

It also seems to me to be an issue of low self-esteem. Trouble is, that once the boobs are fixed, she'll then find something else that needs to be changed, in order to be "beautiful". It's rather like those who will be .... "happy when ....." as if the occurrence of a specific effect is going to suddenly make their entire lives "happy".

The money would be far better spent on some CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy)

I have to disagree with this. Just because she is unhappy with her boobs doesn't necessarily mean she'll turn into Lola Ferrari or Joan Collins if she has them done.

Cissi

Wow, I've just read this whole thread and agree with a lot of posters re addressing her lack of self esteem in other ways and not spending money you haven't got for something that isn't a necessity. I want to quote one post in particular though:

RoxieW wrote: »

I think the points being missed here. Regardless of whether she should or shouldnt have a boob job, surely there shouldnt be a loan involved here from boyfriend to girlfriend. This woman is the mother of his child, they live and raise a family together - surely finances should be shared and decisions made together? She's on a low income as her primary role is Mum so surely it shouldnt be a matter of a 'loan' from him to her to be paid back. Either they spend the money as a family or not at all. If I was desperate for a boob job (that would be for my hubbys pleasure as well as my own!)I would expect us to decide together and pay for it together.

This chimes with my own feelings on so many levels (way beyond the subject of this thread). I simply can't understand how couples who feel committed enough to raise a family together can look at their finances as "his" and "hers"! I find the idea of a loan from one parent to another (within the same family unit) completely absurd. An acquaintance of mine once told me that her family wouldn't be able to go on holiday that year unless she lent her OH the money as his situation wasn't great - they already had 2 children together, as well as a house!

Personally, DH and I have always trusted each other 100%, all our accounts are joint and whatever we both earn is ours. Early on I was supporting him through a degree, then he supported us both through my PhD (I did get a grant, but his income was a lot more). These days I'm again earning a lot less than him as the main carer for our children - and I know full well that I'll never "catch up" even if I wanted to, but it's been our decision all the way. Any major financial decisions are taken together, and that would include any luxuries for one or the other of us, and of course any medical treatments that we felt we needed. We've been there too, in a way: we went the private route for infertility treatments, ending with IVF. This wasn't something that DH was initially keen to pursue, but he went along with it because he loved me and saw what infertility was doing to me. There was never any question of it being anything other than a joint decision and responsibility - otherwise we would never have done it. Along the way, we had to pay for various tests and procedures for me, and neither of us would ever have dreamt of considering these as anything other than joint expenses!

Is the OP still around? I'd love to know if you've made any progress on the situation. My best advice (since you really can't afford the op at present, and even if you could) would be to reinforce your GF's self esteem by telling her often how beautiful she is to you. I know full well that my body has never been perfect, and especially not since giving birth, but my DH truly makes me feel beautiful and loved by the way he looks at me and also because he tells me so every day. Don't underestimate the importance of this.

princessdewdrop

Probably get slated for this...but have she been to her Gp as you can get breast surgery on the NHS...obviously she could get on a waiting list and might be quicker saving up.

I know what its like to have breast issues so I really feel for her, just try to be as supportive as you can ( im sure already are) and be patient she might change her mind in a few months