How to tell a child that their mother has died.

shellsuit

Zara, I'm so sorry, my heart goes out to you and your family xxxxx

Zara33

I typed out a reply but i must have taken so long to do it, i lost it all

SPANIEL36

hi, zara, i've just popped on to see if you'd been around and to see how you all are

sarah xx

mazza1970

My deepest sympathy to you and your family. My own mum died when I was ten years old, can't really remember how I was told as it was all such a blur, but having a loving family helped both me and my sister who was only a couple of years older then me cope, also, our older brother was in his twenties at the time, so he was really strong for us both and also for my dad as well, he kept everything together.

Zara33

When i woke this morning i felt like yesterday was an awful nightmare but sadly it isn't. Thankyou to everyone for all your advice.

Told the wee man yesterday that his mummy has died and that she was a angel in heaven now. He knew she was unwell he didn't really know just how ill she was and tbh none of us did. She had breast cancer and she fought it but sadly the cancer returned in her brain.

The good thing i guess is that she died in her sleep, with no pain, and at home where she was always happy and comfortable.

Thankyou for the pm's.

I just don't know what to do or say at the moment but i felt i had to reply to everyone here.

jinky67

Zara33 wrote: »

When i woke this morning i felt like yesterday was an awful nightmare but sadly it isn't. Thankyou to everyone for all your advice.

Told the wee man yesterday that his mummy has died and that she was a angel in heaven now. He knew she was unwell he didn't really know just how ill she was and tbh none of us did. She had breast cancer and she fought it but sadly the cancer returned in her brain.

The good thing i guess is that she died in her sleep, with no pain, and at home where she was always happy and comfortable.

Thankyou for the pm's.

I just don't know what to do or say at the moment but i felt i had to reply to everyone here.

just wanted to give you big (((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) again.
It is never easy:A

Zara33

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Sending you big hugs - I lost my sister at 38yrs and miss her still.

On a practical note, schools do have access to bereavement counselling (in my area anyway). It is tailored to the needs of the child and it can help the child to talk to a stranger about how he is feeling, as he doesn't have to grapple with feelings of disloyalty and can just say what he thinks without worrying about the feelings of others.

Just re-reading some of the posts and when i went to the wee man's school yesterday to tell the head and his teacher i asked that when the wee man did come back to school could they keep an eye on him and that if he wanted to speak about things at school with either the teacher or the social worker then that would be fine as i don't want the wee man to bottle things up. The head said that they can get bereavement counselling.

Mrs Tine: sorry i haven't responded to your question no there is no dad involved.

vwcampervan72

Cant read and run, sending my thoughts to you your family and to your nephew ((((hugs))))

Sarahsaver

Just be honest with him. THis is an awful time for you all. My Dad died when I was 15 and sis was 12, and it was me who told her, that was truly horrendous.
He should know that her love is still there, part of her lives on in him. Life is precious and we should make the most of every day.
Children understand a lot more than they are often given credit for. My sons understood about my miscarriage last year more that i ever could have imagined.
Whatever questions he has answer them honestly.
Let this young lad know that whatever he feels is ok, and make sure there is plenty of normal routine in his life.
Best wishes to you;)

Primrose

I am so sorry for your loss. You must be feeling quite numb, having lost your sister, and now you have to try and console her son as well.
I'd be honest with him. Any kind deception that his Mummy has gone away may leave him thinking she might come back at some time, and the devastation and deception of having that happen for him will be worse in the long run.
Try to be there for him as much as possible. Neither of you will have taken in all the long term implications yet. There are bound to be big changes in his life. You don't mention his father but if he's not around, I suspect your nephew will be terrified of being left alone and abandoned. He'll need a lot of reassurance about those things in his life which will stay the same, i.e. being able to live in his home, go to the same school, etc. and that you will be there for him. Don't wipe his mother's memory away. Select some of her things to put in a special box for him to keep, and if possible let him help with the selection. He needs something to hang onto and these things may give him comfort. In due course you will have the funeral to face. Let him decide whether he wants to go. Of course it will be an ordeal for him but being involved in this ritual may help him come to terms with his mother's death. And afterwards, think about perhaps letting him write a message to his Mummy, attaching it to a helium baloom and taking him somewhere nice and quiet where you can let it go together. If you share his sadness and he realises he's not alone in his grief it may help him deal with it better. And make sure that somebody liaises with his school too and watches for any signs of behavioural change so that his teachers can support him too.