How to tell a child that their mother has died.

Rikki

Zara33 wrote: »

When i woke this morning i felt like yesterday was an awful nightmare but sadly it isn't. Thankyou to everyone for all your advice.

Told the wee man yesterday that his mummy has died and that she was a angel in heaven now. He knew she was unwell he didn't really know just how ill she was and tbh none of us did. She had breast cancer and she fought it but sadly the cancer returned in her brain.

The good thing i guess is that she died in her sleep, with no pain, and at home where she was always happy and comfortable.

Thankyou for the pm's.

I just don't know what to do or say at the moment but i felt i had to reply to everyone here.

My sister died in her sleep and the younger members of the family just say she forgot to wake up. Sometimes the words of children give us adults the comfort we need too.

Ellie279

Hi, firstly I am so sorry for your loss. This is something I touch upon through my work. It is never easy and there is never anything that can be said to make it better.
I would tell him that Mummy is in no pain now, she can not be hurt anymore. Tell him that she is all around, in all the memories and nice things they did together, and that he can ask anything he wants. When I deal with death, i think to myself that you use your body like a car to get around with when you are alive but when the 'car' doesnt work anymore thats whats left behind. If he goes to the funeral that may be something you could discuss with him.
There may be times when he needs to be quiet and perhaps sit in her room. Allow him time for his own thoughts but also be open and discuss how he is feeling, what he is worried about. In time discuss all the happy memories you all shared.
Im sure you are doing a great job, take care x

markandkate

My sister died six years ago and her son my nephew was 6. He was very confused at first but she had been ill for a time and so we were just honest. ( although no one answered when he asked what a crematorium was!) He will take his lead from the adults around him The worst thing was that we were all so devastated that we did not feel like doing anything. No one organised a holiday and he did not have a birthday party. I think he felt as though all the fun had gone out of his life. When we realized this we started to organise trips and holidays and gradually life settled down. My cousin ( a GP ) lost her mother to cancer at 9 and says that children are very selfish and she was worried about how it would all affect her rather than thinking of big issues and that was very comforting for me.

I coped with my sisters death by telling myself that I was going to do the very best that I could to make sure that her son was happy well balanced and cared for. We go on holiday with him and his dad once year and they come to stop once amonth so that his dad can goout with my husband for a beer and then we have a take away. He has a different life to the one he would have had but it is still a happy one. I really do hope this helps. This is my first post and I signed up so that I could talk to you

Rikki

markandkate wrote: »

My sister died six years ago and her son my nephew was 6. He was very confused at first but she had been ill for a time and so we were just honest. ( although no one answered when he asked what a crematorium was!) He will take his lead from the adults around him The worst thing was that we were all so devastated that we did not feel like doing anything. No one organised a holiday and he did not have a birthday party. I think he felt as though all the fun had gone out of his life. When we realized this we started to organise trips and holidays and gradually life settled down. My cousin ( a GP ) lost her mother to cancer at 9 and says that children are very selfish and she was worried about how it would all affect her rather than thinking of big issues and that was very comforting for me.

I coped with my sisters death by telling myself that I was going to do the very best that I could to make sure that her son was happy well balanced and cared for. We go on holiday with him and his dad once year and they come to stop once amonth so that his dad can goout with my husband for a beer and then we have a take away. He has a different life to the one he would have had but it is still a happy one. I really do hope this helps. This is my first post and I signed up so that I could talk to you

I wish every ones first post could be full of heartfelt comforting words such as yours.


Thank you for sharing your experience and taking the time to register. :T

Ms_Chocaholic

Sorry to hear of your sad news.

I'm aware other people have give you some ideas of books that would be useful for your nephew, but here's another one that you may think appropriate

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Waterbugs-Dragonflies-Doris-Stickney/dp/0826471811/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1220988672&sr=1-4

Thinking of you.

Ms C xx

zebidee1

This is so sad. I dont have any wise words for you but I just wanted to add my sympathies and heartfelt thoughts.

wifeforlife

Hi Zara

I'm so very sorry that your very brave and strong sister has passed away

I can only guess how you and your family are feeling, I hope you find the strength and support from your friends and family in your 'real' life and also from us on here!

Best wishes to you and all

Cate

Zara33

Sarahsaver wrote: »

Life is precious and we should make the most of every day.

I never told her how much i loved her always too dam busy and if the truth be told i don't really show/tell my emotions, i wish to hell i had done now.

Zara33

markandkate wrote: »

My sister died six years ago and her son my nephew was 6. He was very confused at first but she had been ill for a time and so we were just honest. ( although no one answered when he asked what a crematorium was!) He will take his lead from the adults around him The worst thing was that we were all so devastated that we did not feel like doing anything. No one organised a holiday and he did not have a birthday party. I think he felt as though all the fun had gone out of his life. When we realized this we started to organise trips and holidays and gradually life settled down. My cousin ( a GP ) lost her mother to cancer at 9 and says that children are very selfish and she was worried about how it would all affect her rather than thinking of big issues and that was very comforting for me.

I coped with my sisters death by telling myself that I was going to do the very best that I could to make sure that her son was happy well balanced and cared for. We go on holiday with him and his dad once year and they come to stop once amonth so that his dad can goout with my husband for a beer and then we have a take away. He has a different life to the one he would have had but it is still a happy one. I really do hope this helps. This is my first post and I signed up so that I could talk to you

Thankyou it gives me great strength...everyone here (except poppyolivia) are complete strangers and to think you all took the time to type a reply is truly amazing thankyou x

Sarahsaver

Zara33 wrote: »

I never told her how much i loved her always too dam busy and if the truth be told i don't really show/tell my emotions, i wish to hell i had done now.

You CAN still tell her, by telling her son how much she meant to you, by talking to her when you are by yourself, by her being in your thoughts.
I still think of my Dad and he died in 1986.
Your actions now are showing that you DO show how you feel, we all have different approaches.