Should I Give my Daughter the Money?

grade15

what reward for failure.. sounds like a bit like the big CEO these days..
but saying that.. most billionaires these days, didn't get off to a good start in the early days...if her friend offered the place for free..ask them for a loan of £130..she may be lucky

newcook

Im another one who says no - I can honestly say I have never been unemployed for more than a week. I have never been to uni but I have never been picky about what I do. I have worked in telesales, been a barmaid, babysat etc.

there are always jobs available so long as you are not picky about what you do - hotels are always looking for chambermaids and pubs are always after barstaff.
grab the local paper yourself and circle them for her - if she turns her nose up and 'doesnt want to clean/work in a pub' then tough - no holiday.

I have cancelled my holiday - was meant to be going next month - but I cant afford it. I havent been away for 5 years so am now gutted but hey, there is always next year!

Primrose

Well, this sounds hard, but you have funded your daughter through university for three years and she has failed her degree. And now she wants you to fund her for a free holiday. Isn't it about time she learned that money doesn't grow on trees, and that if she hasn't earned it, she can't spend it?
I think you've done more than enough for her and for her to have failed her degree after being supported financially for three years must be really disappointing for you. It really is about time she learned the hard realities of life, and if you have debts of your own to sort out, that should be your priority. The more you give her, the more she may be tempted to take. No, you're not mean by not giving her the money. She needs to be spending all her energies now on looking for a job, not taking a holiday, even if it is free board and lodgings.

amandada

I was perhaps a bit short and judgemental with my previous answer!
Is there a reason in the background for her not having got through uni, and not managing to get a job?
From what you're saying it sounds like she's still living with you, so getting a job on minimum wage would be ok, certainly in the short term.
Has she ever had a job? When I was a student, I was studying full time (and I mean pretty much 9-5 at college, mon-fri) and still managed to work 2-3 evenings per week and every weekend-I was never so well off-and I was certainly paying for my own holidays.
I know you've had pretty much the answers you've been looking for on this thread, so good luck, and stay firm!

By the way, I came back from Portugal last week, and it's VERY expensive this year due to the weak pound

LandyAndy

piefacerecords wrote: »

Hahaha she spent 3 years dossing through uni, having her rent paid, not doing any work (failing requires a LOT of negligence!), not having a job and now she needs a 2 week holiday in portugal????? :rotfl: the poor girl is obviously overworked, why not give her a month in the seychelles?

It's almost impossible to fail without trying to.

bestpud

I think you know the kindest answer is no! Not the easiest thing to do but definitely the kindest in the long run!

I agree with the person who thinks she knows how to press your buttons and is doing so with her hard done by stories and subtle hints! Her and her friend are possibly even discussing the best way of talking you round!

She will have known she was failing uni a long while ago! It does not all hang on an end of course exam or the like and as others have said, it is quite difficult to fail completely. She will have been aware and thus, she has ignored the situation for a long while. In short, she has lived the high life for three years and now needs a reality check, NOT a luxury holiday!!

It is your choice at the end of the day but really, the signs are all there and you know you will be doing her a disservice if you pay for this holiday, or even loan her the money!

It helps that you and your OH are singing from the same hymn sheet. Tough as it will be (she's had it easy so will likely kick up a fuss and press all your guilt trip buttons before she accepts you are not going to give in!), you have to stick together on this one and teach her this lesson before she is out there on her own.

If she chooses to get a credit card (she may not get one at all tbh but that will be a good lesson for her too!) then you have to let her get on with it as she is an adult. If you don't expect her to deal with your debts then why should you deal with hers now you are all adults?

Good for you for making the stand, I say. She will thank you for it one day! :beer:

robpw2

i would say no dont give her the money , let her earn it

alternatively give it to her as a birthday gift or chirstmas

Strapped

One word: NO!

JimmyTheWig

tesuhoha wrote: »

She has just been upset and agonising over how she could get the money and its difficult to listen to.

So what jobs has she applied for, and why has she been turned down?

How long to go until the proposed holiday?

morganb

I've never heard of anyone who has managed to fail their degree, what did she study? I would definitely not even bother to offer, I'm sorry, but if I'd supported one of my kids through 3-4 years at Uni and they'd failed their degree, then I wouldn't think they deserved a holiday (would seem that they;d been holidaying since they left school)!