Should I Give my Daughter the Money?

spanner07

Hi,
Hope you're managing to make this tricky decision! Realise the guilt is a tough one, but I agree with most of the posters above and think that you should not give your daughter the cash. As a gift or a loan, I really don't think it would do her any favours.
There are def. jobs out there if you are willing to do pretty much anything, especially as your daughter as previous experience.
It doesn't sound like your daughter has actually totally failed though. She still has the options of retakes. If these aren't an option for her this summer because of her mental state, then she can still approach the university (asap) regarding her situation and the reasons that she would struggle to take the exams at this stage, and postpone them until the january exam session, or even for a year. I would imagine this would help. She would have a degree (even if one without honors) and would have completed the course with something to show for it. Take 3 years over uni without this sort of closeure (sp!) may make it harder for her to move on from this experience. Having a final big push and getting it done in january would give her what she has worked for 3 years for, while giving her a break from the uni pressure for a while. A job in the meantime may help her re-build her confidence from this episode, putting her in a better place for the final resits. I would recommend that she gets on the phone asap to her university, they will want to help her as much as possible to gain her degree.
Best of luck to you and your daughter. xx

Spirit_2

Your DD sounds very low, and that she is still socialising and wants to go on holiday with her friends looks good to me - from experience I would see it as something to build on.

We learned that our student daughter was severly depressed early in the year and suddenly the apathy, absence of self caring and withdrawal from social interaction and communication all fell into place. We knew she was low had treated it as 'normal' but unpleasant behaviour for some months.

She is on the mend now, a sympathetic GP and fantastic support from her University has helped, but so has some empathy and "cutting her some slack" by us. We encouraged and paid for her to take a holiday at Easter ,it was our suggestion and without our help she could not have gone. We told her we wanted her to have a rest, a break, some space, that it was two weeks when it was legitimate that she 'did nothing'.

On return from this holiday she was able to come to terms with her diagnosis and start participating in things that would help. She does take anti-depressants but now she has a counsellor from the local mental health service and mentoring at Uni, moved home (so she was eating again) and commutes to Uni, has been awarded a disabled students allowance for extra technology and resources, and has sought health care for other longterm issues. She is now coping day to day, passed her end of year exams and she has had a job through the summer holiday. Not all days are rosy and this weekend has been rather down.

Only you know your daughter , I do not see this holiday decision as a judgement about carrots and sticks - if she is low please consider that a real holiday may be a good thing, depression is exhausting and debilitating.

The money we spent could have gone towards our debts, but this really mattered, and it was a catalyst. It might not have helped at all, but it did.

Take care
Spirit