Should I Give my Daughter the Money?

conradmum

I think you should start treating her like an adult, not a child. She's far too old to be financially dependent on you and, as you say, your previous generosity has done her more harm than good. Is she living with you rent free too? You're still giving her money in that case.

Barring mental breakdown or other serious events, there's no reason why she should have failed her degree other than sheer laziness. If she gained the qualifications to get a place on the course, the university judged that she had the ability to pass, and they would have tried very hard to prevent her failing.

If it were me, I wouldn't give her the money, and I'd be asking her when she was going to get her own place. I think she needs some tough love.

lrr_2

I would say no. It sounds harsh but you dont get anything in life for nothing!

tesuhoha

Its good to get some unbiased advice. She is very delicate emotionally at the moment but much as I hate to say this, I dont really think I should give it to her

floyd

Although I have no children, if I were in your shoes I would say no as well. From the info you have given us, your daughter was well looked after at University by yourself and your husband, so she had no financial concerns yet still didn't put the work in to complete her degree to the required standard.

I think she needs to learn a harsh lesson that life isn't always fair and you can't rely on other people to bail you out. I would be surprised if she could get a credit card with no job and no other source of income. I agree with pukkamum that tough love is sometimes needed.

tesuhoha

No, I think we have to stick to our new principles as difficult as that is.

John_3:16

Is there the possibility she can work for you in someway to pay it off eg house work, painting, or something? If she says no then it is her choice

shelley_crow

You sound like you have bent over backwards to help her all you can in her studies.

She's got no money, no job and no right at all to expect you to fund her way on holiday or otherwise.

In the real world, if you don't stand on your own two feet then you land on your @ss. I think she needs to learn this asap.

Hope you get it sorted out, hugs x

tesuhoha

I dont know. I would need to speak to my husband. Its good to get the impartial advice because I have just started to feel incredibly mean. However, always being very generous doesnt seem to have done much good at all.

tesuhoha

shelley_crow wrote: »

You sound like you have bent over backwards to help her all you can in her studies.

She's got no money, no job and no right at all to expect you to fund her way on holiday or otherwise.

In the real world, if you don't stand on your own two feet then you land on your @ss. I think she needs to learn this asap.

Hope you get it sorted out, hugs x

To be perfectly honest, she hasnt actually asked me to give it to her. She has just been upset and agonising over how she could get the money and its difficult to listen to.

ameliarate

tesuhoha wrote: »

My daughter has just left university. She failed her degree. We paid her way, rent and fees and she has a student loan and an overdraft but no other debt. Currently she has been unable to find a job and she has no money at all. My husband and I have decided not to give her any because giving her money it doesnt seem to do her any good.

I am assuming from you post that she has never worked and you don't feel she put the effort into her degree, in which case I would also say no, teach her a lesson.

On the other hand if she has worked previously, perhaps before or during uni, and did work hard but unfortuntaely failed her degree, perhaps you could help her out this one last time. Can she not find a job because she is not looking very hard or because she is being picky?

I think the answer to your question depends on a lot of different factors.