Pointers for 16 year old

aliasojo

Just thought I'd let you know.....I think I might have got my boy back.

Hope I haven't tempted fate by saying that now, but after yet another talk this afternoon son seems to have taken on board some facts at long last and he seems more talkative than before. The visit to his Dad has helped as he realises Dad is pretty useless and he seems to have got something out of his system. He understands he needs to look out for himself now as Dad wont, and I can only do so much to support him.

He hasn't been at school all week but he says he's going back tomorrow and he'll try to keep his head down and get through his A levels. He's a bit worried about the level of work but I'll try to do what I can to help and he's asked me to keep pushing him if he wants to stop again. He reckons he might go to college next September to do a course connected with working offshore. Not my choice of career for him but at least he's making a positive, definitive choice rather than continuing the aimless limbo he seemed to be in.

I only hope the teachers don't give him too much grief when he goes back as I really want him to keep this positive mood he seems to have right now. He's even off to the after school badminton club at the moment. :j

What a turnaround! I am one relieved very happy Mum.

Than you to everyone who offered support, ideas and info......I'm very grateful to you for taking the time.

Spendless

pleased to hear your news. re teachers giving him hard time is it worth you ringing head of year and explaining or telling a big fib to explain absense-don't know if its good idea or not but sure others can suggest something else.

aliasojo

I think I might Spendless. His Head of Year is a good man and tries his best for the kids so I think he would be understanding of the situation and might help to smooth the way a bit.

Edinburghlass_2

:j....:j....:j....:j

RichyRich

So happy to hear that!

Rich

ekkygirl

My Boy (Now almost 18) was exactly the same 3 months into AS Levels because it is sooo hard and much more difficult than GCSE,s It comes as such a shock, they actually have to study!!!. (Most teenage boys are lazy aren't they?) He wanted to leave and get a job, we spoke to his tutors and all agreed he could leave after Christmas if he still felt the same, He is still there and hoping to study for an MChem starting 2006 I asked him what changed and he said he just got used to the volume of work. I request that no one starts a debate about how much "easier" the exams are these days.

Cheers

aliasojo

That's great ekkygirl. And yes...teenage boys have laziness down to a fine art I think.

Unfortunately for me....son was all mouth and no action and didn't go back to school, even after me promising the Head things would change. I feel such a fool.

I've had to finally admit that son's speciality (to things generally) is to pay lip service to stuff and when it comes to action......there's none. I've pretty much given up now, I've had loads of sensible conversations with him where he says he will do this that or the other and I trust him to think he actually will do what he says, then come the time, he doesn't bother.

This characteristic was strongly in evidence in his Father which is one of the reasons I divorced him. I simply couldn't trust him even with the simplest of things. It got too stressful having to deal with everything myself because he couldn't be relied upon and I finally realised one day that I was to all intents and purposes living by myself anyway so I'd be better off making it official. So I did.

I now kinda think that son isn't just going through a phase, it's just that his characteristics have got stronger with age and he has developed into the same kind of person as his Dad.

We are what we are I suppose. It seems like the only person who is upset by the whole situation is me, so for sanity's sake I think I need to let him get on with it.

(Although as a last ditch attempt I printed your post and showed him.........I have a problem with the 'give up' words...:rotfl: )

margaretclare

ekkygirl wrote:

My Boy (Now almost 18) was exactly the same 3 months into AS Levels because it is sooo hard and much more difficult than GCSE,s It comes as such a shock, they actually have to study!!!. (Most teenage boys are lazy aren't they?) He wanted to leave and get a job, we spoke to his tutors and all agreed he could leave after Christmas if he still felt the same, He is still there and hoping to study for an MChem starting 2006 I asked him what changed and he said he just got used to the volume of work. I request that no one starts a debate about how much "easier" the exams are these days.

Cheers

Hi

I agree that AS levels are much harder than GCSE - I think that was where my granddaughter fell down this summer, she was 'good at' languages all through school but did appallingly-badly at AS French and German.

In spite of my age, I wouldn't say at all that the exams are any easier!!! I frequently get into arguments with people of my age-group who come out with this nonsense - they are not any easier.

Not very helpful to the OP, but one thing that is different is...young people seem to think that they can exist quite happily living on fresh air - or rather, sponging off their parents! This simply did not exist for us. You were either at school, in an apprenticeship, or you got a job. End of. No other options. And it could be any job that came along. You were in school Friday and on Monday morning you were on shift down the pit, or in the bike factory at the end of the road. This certainly was a blast of reality if you like.

Aunty Margaret

westernpromise

RichyRich wrote:

...all the teachers...deliberately went out of their way to make life overly difficult for me (It's very difficult dealing with a bright student who doesn't work at all but still brings out the grades, you see - it gives out the wrong message to the other students and they don't know what to do for the best).

Richyrich,

Exactly the same thing happened to me, even though I was a scholarship boy at an independent school which supposedly held academic excellence in high regard.

I routinely came top of the form in languages - French, German, Latin, English, it didn't matter. Yet when the school came to handing out prizes, they were always given to the one who came second - or third, or fourth - behind me. The argument was always 'Well, he worked harder than you did throughout the year," to which my argument was always, "So if he worked so hard, why didn't he come top in the exam?"

This resulted in me being marked down as a !!!!!! and ensured that I continued to not get prizes for things at which I was better than everyone else.

It did have one happy result: it so p1ssed me off, I got into Cambridge too (Pembroke incidentally), unlike any of the people I'd been beating in exams for years and whom the school thought more deserving of reward.

As far as the OP's issues with her son, I would only offer one piece of advice, which is this. I didn't actually want to go to university either, I wanted to go and earn my own money. The catch is that the options for earning that are open to you tend to expand as you get older, and at 16 your options are in truth pretty limited.

So keep those options open. If he gets a decent degree from a decent university, anything he wants to do now he can still do then - plus many more things too. But if in 4 years' time he wants to do something for which it turns out he needs a degree, the only option then is to take 3 years out ad go get one.

If it helps, here is a link to a very well-written essay on why it is a good idea to stay at school. It is written by the guy who invented the logic behind pretty much all the anti-spam software there is. If guys this smart and down-to-earth think staying on at school is a good idea, you have to figure they are probably right. But you don't just take his or my word for it; on the essay he explains exactly why it is smart.

Best of luck!

What you'll wish you'd known: http://www.paulgraham.com/hs.html

lush_walrus

westernpromise wrote:

As far as the OP's issues with her son, I would only offer one piece of advice, which is this. I didn't actually want to go to university either, I wanted to go and earn my own money. The catch is that the options for earning that are open to you tend to expand as you get older, and at 16 your options are in truth pretty limited.

I had exactly the same experience, and think that you are spot on with your advice here.

At 15-16 I was convinced I wouldn't want to go to Uni, purely because I thought the people who went wouldn't be as cool as me and my friends and there would be no way I would fit in. All based on the fact that although I personally did well at school the others who were getting simular marks to me were never my friends, always the people who I found dull and rather than bright just worked very hard, and so were of no interest to me.

Somehow I ended up going to 6th form, but nothing changed in how I felt Uni would be. That was until my sister who was older than me invited me to come to her Uni to meet her friends and see what it was like. My eyes immediately opened and I saw exactly what university was like and the people in them, and changed my mind.

My bf didnt go to Uni and he always feels (wrongly in my opinion) that he is somehow below people who did. He is well into his 30s now and still wishes he had gone, even though he is very successful in his own right, he beleives that uni gives an experience and type of confidence that no other experience does. Like I say, I think he is wrong, but it may be that as I did go I do not understand what he feels.

Perhaps your son needs someone to take him to a Uni as a guest and let him see that Uni is full of all types of people doing all types of courses. I'm sure when he sees the reality of student life he will be dying to get there. After all you never have as much freedom and a greater social life than when studying!