Divorce??

Mely

helpMe wrote: »

Its not a joke. She sent him videos of herself (use your imagination!) which he stored on my computer. His phone statement proves that he was messaging her at least 8 times a day.

Op you need togoto a solicitor asap. Keep records of all his nasty words and actions. Take the phone bill and the videos with you to the solicitor when you go and keep them there. This will all be very helpful information if you go for a divorce etc.
Mel x

Mely

helpMe wrote: »

the house next door is pretty much the same as ours and is on the market for £415k. Our mortgate is £270k, so minus that and my £80k deposit leaves £65k to split between us. I have offered this to him and he says no.

OP...please do not make any offers to him yourself. He is the one that has cheated, and broken up the family unit. Do EVERYTHING through a solicitor. Dont discuss anything to do with the solicitor with your ex, and keep all correspondence away from him. Get a solicitor thats been recommended, if you can, and fight legally for everything that you possibly can, for you and your children. After all you and your children have done nothing wrong! And as you are their mother and main carer, i would think that you would be in a very strong possition.

Mely

B1oody hell...i cant believe you are still living with him! Ive just realised how long ago you first posted, and when i replied i thought all this had just happened!
Op, living alone with your children will be much better for you and them in the long run. Your daughter must realise what your ex is up to, and the atmosphere in the house must be terrible. Move on from this relationship. Find the strength if not for yourself then for your children. They dont deserve all this.

Mrs_Moc

Please dont be afraid of having a life which doesn't include him. It will be different for you, but so much better. Your situation cannot be healthy for you. Im newly seperated with 4 children and believe me, life is great without him. I feel alot of satisfaction at the end of the day, while I sit alone in my livingroom, kids in bed and Thank God, I was strong enough to get rid of my loser of a Husband. He was also nasty and abusive.

You can do this, take the advice of the wonderful people on here, and reclaim your life back from him!!

JustKeepSwimming_2

Money_maker wrote: »

He's not sleeping around cos you've put on 4 stone - he's sleeping around cos he can get away with it and he has no respect for you.

You are a fantastic person - your children love you and you come over as a much nicer person than him.

He is the problem, not you.

Seconded!

helpMe wrote: »

I know you must be all fustrated and I would say to anyone in my situation "do you want to be this unhappy for ever?". I know all of this, so I dont know why I cant get my a$$ into gear.

Maybe because you are so worn out with it all & you can't see what life could be like without him clearly? If the thought of still living like this in 10 years time isn't enough to get you moving then I don't know what will. Again, not trying to sound harsh & it is easy for us out here to say what we think.

I echo the comments about your daughter growing up with this though - my mother put up with endless mucking about from my dad for many years & when she finally broke (after 15 years of carp including violence towards the end) he made her life very difficult with no maintenence (no CSA then :rolleyes:) & he'd not turn up to see me when he said he would etc. I now see it as a marriage that should have split up years before they had me, when he started showing he had absolutely no respect for her. My mother never really got over how badly she was treated & has spent the rest of her life alone & very bitter. What a waste. I struggle to understand her sometimes as she's never moved on & tried to help herself - she still talks about how awful he was & they've been divorced since 1978. My dad carried on with numerous women until he died, causing havoc & wreaking lives.

I think this has had an effect on me & the men I've chosen to be with - I've lived with 3 different men, 1 of whom was violent (got out of that one quickly!) & all 3 have cheated on me. 2 other boyfriends have also cheated & my last one just played me for an idiot on many occasions. I do seem to go for the rubbish ones :rotfl:

But I shall carry on with my life, bringing up my children as a single mum as best I can. I am much better off without any of them, & you will be too.

Of course - it could be that all men are rubbish..... Discuss

**runs for cover**




men - this is a joke before you all shoot me down in flames!

hippychick1

I've just read this thread and had to reply. You sound like me, a year ago. I couldn't imagine, or didn't want to imagine, life on my own. I had been with my husband since I was 19, and moved out of my parents home to be with him when we married. Our relationship had been awful for the last couple of years, and I left a couple of times, just for a couple of days, but always went back again.

I finally left and moved into my own rented house in May. It is the BEST thing I have ever done. I was absolutely terrified about fending for myself, and organising the whole move, and I also have three small children, but 7 months on I am happier than I have ever been. I don't have to consider his awful behaviour, or worry about what he's up to anymore. I feel relieved and in control.

I don't have any advice about making him leave your home, we never owned our property. Please get some advice from a solicitor, surely something can be done? You can be happy, but obviously not with this man. Don't waste any more of your life. It took me a few years to get the courage, I look back now and think I should have done it sooner.

Good luck

x