Divorce??

helpMe_2-2

Please help me as I'm at my wits end.

Just before my birthday about 10 weeks now, I found a text message on my husbands phone "You were so incredible last night, I have a huge smile on my face". I ended up confronting him and he said it was some girl he knew messing about, but there were other text messages there from her about work etc. I managed to get hold of his phone bill and he managed to text her up to 8 times a day.

We've been together since we were 17 and we have two children. The situation between us is getting nasty as he wont admit to anything. He's now being really difficult, mean and bullying to me and whats worse is saying that he wont leave until I agree to sell the house.

We bought a house together last year. I feel particularly hard done by, because I earn a lot more than him and put a huge deposit on the house (which I will get back). I could have bought the house in my name, but I thought since we got married a five years ago, I'd sell my flat which we were living in so we could start out in a new house split 50/50. I agreed that if he pay for half the mortgage, I'd pay everything else, e.g. all bills, childcare etc. just so we could move into a bigger space with the family. Can he make me sell my home even if we divorce? I'm so scared. It was my biggest dream to own a house, he knows this and now wants to ruin it for me and the kids.

He's doing this to spite me as our daughter has just got a place at the school 3 minutes away from our home. He's also now using to pay the mortgage, saying the bank can just take away the house if I refuse to sell.

Please help me, I'm in tears.

Kaz2904

He can't force you to sell but unfortunately you can't get him out of the house (unless he had a restraining order or something).
Can you afford to cover everything? If you are able to manage then I would separate your finances and open up a new bank account.
It might be worth speaking to your mortgage company to see what their advice is regarding the mortgage.

helpMe_2-2

I could cover everything but he wont let me. He's also said he wouldn't allow me or anyone I knew (e.g. my family) to buy the house if we put it on the market. I just dont understand why he's being like this....

pukkamum

I would contact the CAB and see what their advice is on getting him out of the house maybe an injunction if he is threatening you. He cannot make you sell the house until your youngest child is 16 so if you can cover the mortgage on your own fight for it!!!! I would as much as possible ignore him i know it's hard when you got little ones but try and make being their with you as uncomfortable as possible start inviting friends around in the evening or use him as a baby sitter and go out!

Debt_Free_Chick

helpMe wrote: »

He's now being really difficult, mean and bullying to me and whats worse is saying that he wont leave until I agree to sell the house.

Whilst it's difficult to force him to leave, as a last resort you could get an Occupation Order but you would need a solicitor to help with this. However, you sound a long way from this. What discussions have you had? Do you want him to leave? Have you asked him?

Can he make me sell my home even if we divorce?

No. But you may need to raise money (e.g. bigger mortgage) if he is due some settlement. Again, you are a long way from this so just know that he cannot force anything. As you are married, everything needs to be agreed between you, via your own solicitors, and then presented to the Court. Your solicitor will not allow you to agree to anything which is less than what you are entitled to.

I'm so scared. It was my biggest dream to own a house, he knows this and now wants to ruin it for me and the kids.

Don't be scared - you're in a very, very strong position as you are married and have children. The whole process will favour you and the kids staying in the marital home.

He's trying to control the situation by frightening you - don't let him do this. If necessary, go and see a solicitor and they will confirm how strong your position is.

He's also now using to pay the mortgage, saying the bank can just take away the house if I refuse to sell.

What do you mean "using to pay the mortgage"? How is the mortgage paid? Joint account to which you both contribute? Tell us how you pay the mortgage and other household bills and we can help with this.

The bank cannot take the house away if you refuse to sell. The bank will only take the house away if you fail to pay the mortgage and fail to discuss payments with them. Don't worry about that for now ....... just let us know how the mortgage is paid.

Why is he so keen so sell? Does he just want "his share" out? If so, then go and see a solicitor and when you've done that, tell him to do the same!

helpMe_2-2

I put an £80k deposit on the house when I sold my flat. I got the solicitor to write a clause in our agreement which says I get the money back if we sell the house. Husband pays money into my account each month to cover the mortgage and nothing else and then I pay the mortgage from my account. Ive asked if I can buy him out and he says no. If he leaves we all have to leave.

He's making our eldest daughter really unhappy. Refusing to go to her end of year prom etc. Financially things are now much more difficult for me, and he's not helping at all. I feel like Im being taken advantage of as all the bills are in my name as well. So at the end of each month I'm money down, while he gets to spend his cash. I'm really at breaking point.

floss2

So he is refusing to pay any money towards bills / mortgage etc....can you afford to pay for everything?

I would think about whether you just say "OK" and call his bluff. He may be expecting you to kick off & get upset, but if you can be hard-faced & carry on paying for your house, I woul do that & think about the future when he isn't there to upset you & your children.

Also, I would make an appointment with a solicitor, and take as much info as you can with you - value of house when bought, mortgage, amount you have out in (£80k?) etc. Also, how much would the house be worth now, as I think that he would only be entitled to half of what the value of the house is after your deposit, for example, if it is worth £200k, his half would be £60k...£200 - £80 = £120 /2 = £60k

:grouphug:

floss2

helpMe wrote: »

..... If he leaves we all have to leave.......

Is this what he said? Or what you think?

helpMe_2-2

floss2 wrote: »

Is this what he said? Or what you think?

thats what he said

robpw2

Oh are you sure its not just a joke , the thing that was incredible was "the thing" i was just suggesting he could have fixed her tv or bought her some batteries for her rabbit etc.. she would be smiling then

floss2

helpMe wrote: »

thats what he said

Why does he think that? Because he thinks you can't possibly manage without him?

You can manage - a lot of people have got on very happily with their lives after getting rid of partners like that (me included).

If you have the financial ability to pay for your home, then there is no reason for you to move out.

Make an appointment to see a solicitor ASAP.