Divorce??

helpMe_2-2

i've got copies of everything online. he already tried to remove it from my computer. the worst thing is, they dont want a relationship with each other. i did speak with her to ask her what went on but she just re-iterated what he said. that they didnt have sex it was just a lot of text messaging....

callow

In some cases a judge can force the sale of the family home or ask that you give him his share, if it can be shown that it is possible to downsize in the same area, ie living in a large detached house and can downsize to a semi.

If it is not possible to downsize then your husband may have his share paid when the last child reaches 18 and you sell the home.

Also, although you think the £80k deposit is yours, because you are married it is looked as joint assets so it enters the money pot along with pensions etc.

Best of luck. I was lucky as I had quite a generous (guilty) husband, so although I downsized he gave me all the equity.

SuzySu

So so sorry to read this thread. I don't really know what to say that hasn't already been said. I feel so sad for you and your children. They don't deserve this and neither do you.

What he is doing amounts to emotional abuse.

pukkamum

Do you think he may be under the impression that if he just digs his heels in and refuses to go then you will take him back? What has he said about you divorcing does he want it or does he want you to stay with him? Maybe the nastiness is guilt over what he has done? I am in NO WAY making excuses for him but maybe if you just try sitting and calmly talking to him and letting him know you are not going to take him back how ever long he stays he may just see reason. Maybe the realisation has hit him that he is losing you all and he sees this as the only way of keeping you.
Failing that have you a male friend who can act as a new boyfriend..........lol

helpMe_2-2

pukkamum wrote: »

Do you think he may be under the impression that if he just digs his heels in and refuses to go then you will take him back? What has he said about you divorcing does he want it or does he want you to stay with him? Maybe the nastiness is guilt over what he has done? I am in NO WAY making excuses for him but maybe if you just try sitting and calmly talking to him and letting him know you are not going to take him back how ever long he stays he may just see reason. Maybe the realisation has hit him that he is losing you all and he sees this as the only way of keeping you.
Failing that have you a male friend who can act as a new boyfriend..........lol

He said he tried to make things work with me but he hasn't. All he's done is continually lie about the situation which has made it much harder on me. He's now saying that its me that is cheating and calls me all names under the sun. He keeps texting me saying this is not going to work and that I must sell the house. He says he wont pay money into my account at the end of the month so I can pay the mortgage. I've tried sitting down and talking to him calmly but we just end up fighting. I think he's almost convinced he hasnt cheated - but I think he's just really angry he got caught. Funny thing, I have no male friends ! ....lol

Debt_Free_Chick

helpMe wrote: »

He said he tried to make things work with me but he hasn't. All he's done is continually lie about the situation which has made it much harder on me. He's now saying that its me that is cheating and calls me all names under the sun. He keeps texting me saying this is not going to work and that I must sell the house. He says he wont pay money into my account at the end of the month so I can pay the mortgage. I've tried sitting down and talking to him calmly but we just end up fighting. I think he's almost convinced he hasnt cheated - but I think he's just really angry he got caught. Funny thing, I have no male friends ! ....lol

Have you made an appointment with a solicitor?

Scarlett1

helpMe wrote: »

He says he wont pay money into my account at the end of the month so I can pay the mortgage

He is confident that you will pay all the mortgage as he knows that you have too much to lose if it don't get paid and the house gets repossessed, I think you need to get off the computer and ring round some solicitors and make an appointment, people can only give you advice on here but they can't sort it out for you, lets us know how you get on

Shambler

:mad: I hate reading about situations like this...life is hard enough and all that.

If I were you I would want shot of him asap and to get on with my life.

If you are on limited funds then you have priorities in what you are paying out.

Obviously you need to make sure you pay the mortgage and secured loans ( if you have any ) even if this means you can't afford to pay utility bills...this will keep you on good terms with your mortgage provider and keep your house secure.

If money is very tight and you can't afford bills and mortage then I would suggest cancelling any direct debits on your utilities to ensure you definitely have the money for the mortgage payment each month, then pay what you can on bills after that.

I wish you all the best and having been in a similar situation I can say with experience that there is a better future waiting for you once this is all over.

Go see that solicitor, ask the CAB if they can recommend one for you.

Best Wishes and keep your spirits up!

Red_Fraggle_3

He knows how to push your buttons ie hurting you, kids and threatening the house

See a solicitor / CAB, speak to the CSA - he's bullying you as maybe he's scared, guilty

In the end once time passes you will feel stronger and the children will settle down - trust me

Good luck in the meantime - take the kids out this weekend do something just the 3 of you

moggylover

Have no advice to add that hasn't already been posted - and often more eloquently than I could manage.

Been there myself, know how hard it is - but even without kids I could not "force" my ex to sell our house as he could afford to buy out my share. You did good in protecting your original investment in the property with the pre-nup type clause in your purchase - and I seriously think that all his bullying and bluster is just that. He hates the fact that he has been caught and is using attack as HIS best/only defence - totally dumb of him cos he is only digging a bigger grave for himself cos you can now see him as not only a cheat but a snotty, selfish, nasty piece of work as well!

Best thing to do with him is to just not speak unless you actually have to - remain calm and polite when you do have to - and ignore totally at all other times.

Then get your backside to the solicitors asap - and let him shoot himself in the foot. Totally agree about all the back-up evidence.

Really wanted to say - big hugs, keep your chin up, and don't let the b****** get you down! Good luck, and keep us posted - but not until you have taken a mo to find yourself a solicitor!!!!