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Divorce??
Comments
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Hey there. I've just found my thread from last year and Im re-reading and crying my eyes out. I know there are a few people here that are having an awful Christmas and << big hugs >> to you.
I decided to try at my marriage and tbh im no further forward. I still have Divorce websites bookmarked in my browser and I'm sitting here at 4.30am because my OH has decided to stay out all night again. I think he is still sleeping with her or somebody else and sometimes he even hints at it.
When I re read my post I realised that I really, really didn't/couldn't be on my own. That is what scares me the most. I've never been on my own, lived with mum until I met OH and then we moved out when I had my girl (now 13).
Sorry - I dont really know what the point of this post is. Im so independent in all other areas of my life, I'm so mad at myself for not sorting this out.
xx
I'm sorry I'm not usually so blunt but... what kind of example do you think you are giving your daughter? From where I am sitting that a) living alone is scary and you are not strong enough to do it and b) it's ok to have a husband/ father who sleeps with various women rather than look after his family.
I have a 17 year dd. 10 years ago I split from her father. It was hard and at times there were more tears than there was laughter but a while ago I looked back at the last 10 years with my dd and realised that there were the best of my life - certainly much better than the 10 years I spent with her father!
You husband is having is cake and eating it. He has no respect for you or your children. He knows you so well he can play on all your weaknesses and you are letting him. You are only 30. You have a whole life ahead of you! Don't waste it!
Finally, I hope I haven't offended you. It's not my intention.LBM: August 2006 £12,568.49 - DFD 22nd March 2012
"The road to DF is long and bumpy" GreenSaints0 -
Sadly some people would rather stay in appalling relationships than divorce because they're to afraid of the unknown. It's sad because the OP could be in a much happier relationship with someone else a couple of years down the line.
OP try reading 'A woman in your own right' by Anne Dickson it's about self confidence / assertiveness.Snootchie Bootchies!0 -
Sadly some people would rather stay in appalling relationships than divorce because they're to afraid of the unknown. It's sad because the OP could be in a much happier relationship with someone else a couple of years down the line.
OP try reading 'A woman in your own right' by Anne Dickson it's about self confidence / assertiveness.
And it is frightening, especially for somebody who has never lived on their own. I had before I got married, but I remember after the split, one Saturday, going into the town centre and thinking that I was the only person there on my own and how everyone was looking at me. Complete and utter rubbish of course, but that's how low my confidence was.
The first of everything is difficult: the first party on you own, the first time you take the car for an MOT, the first parents' evening on your own, etc. But eventually, you get your strength back and become so proud of what you can achieve on your own.
My dd and myself have had such a good life together and I'm so proud of that, because I raised her, looked after her with no practical help from her father (his choice as he was too busy with his new life) and helped her be the confident, young woman she is today. I hope I am a good role model to her. I hope she thinks "my mum is a strong woman"LBM: August 2006 £12,568.49 - DFD 22nd March 2012
"The road to DF is long and bumpy" GreenSaints0 -
You owe it to yourself and to your children to be happy, this guy will never make you happy he is far too selfish. You know what to do and people here and in real life will be there for you...2010 is your year good luck be strong.0
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And if he wants to sell the house, so be it! I bet at the moment it's more a house than a home. Sell up and start somewhere else. Make a proper home for your children, where they can be loved and happy. Show him you will not be blackmailed into staying with him and providing him with a comfortable home life, whilst he is sowing some wild oats, behaving like a silly teenager and disrespecting you in the process.LBM: August 2006 £12,568.49 - DFD 22nd March 2012
"The road to DF is long and bumpy" GreenSaints0 -
It's over 5 months since your first post. If things haven't improved in that time then they aren't likely to improve by giving it longer. I know how scary it is to go it alone with kids when you have no experience of doing this before but actually you do have the nouse to do it. You've dealt with solicitors, you obviously have a good understanding of your financial situation, you manage the household bills and you're a mum, what more do you need in the way of references
Go and see a solicitor and arm yourself with the knowledge of where you stand legally. It will make you feel stronger and more confident.
Then come back here and post and there will be people here queuing up to help you with whatever the next appropriate step is.Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants - Michael Pollan
48 down, 22 to go
Low carb, low oxalate Primal + dairy
From size 24 to 16 and now stuck...0 -
I guess I did think it would get better but it really hasn't. I have a real phobia about being at home on my own late at night as my mum was/is a nurse and worked nights. As soon as she was out of the door, my dad (who was supposed to be looking after me and my sis) went out with his friends. More than often, I was left at the age of 8 looking after my 3 year old sis. All I did was sit very still and listen for any scary noises and cry until the early hours of the morning when either mum/dad returned. My OH knows this and knows how his actions make me feel.
I know you must be all fustrated and I would say to anyone in my situation "do you want to be this unhappy for ever?". I know all of this, so I dont know why I cant get my a$$ into gear. I guess it doesn't help that I've put on 4 stone since we married (trying hard to get it off) and thats why he's sleeping around. I feel like such a loser, and I've NEVER felt like this before. Normally and with every other aspect of my life, I'm so decisive and strong.0 -
Daska - its been a year and 5 months!Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed.
If you quote me, don't forget the capital 'M'
Declutterers of the world - unite! :rotfl::rotfl:0 -
He's not sleeping around cos you've put on 4 stone - he's sleeping around cos he can get away with it and he has no respect for you.
You are a fantastic person - your children love you and you come over as a much nicer person than him.
He is the problem, not you.Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed.
If you quote me, don't forget the capital 'M'
Declutterers of the world - unite! :rotfl::rotfl:0 -
Why don't you make a pro's / con's list of staying together v splitting up - if you then decide that splitting up is the way your going to go then make a plan of all the steps between where you are now and you're new life. E.g counselling, CAB, legal advice, help with the being alone phobia or maybe getting a house alarm fitted.Snootchie Bootchies!0
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