Divorce??

helpMe_2-2

Thanks guys, I know I dont really want a divorce because at the moment financially im really struggling (even though I earn a decent wage). He wont leave the home, so I need to find a way of getting him out. Im 30 years and dont know anyone else who's divorced so Im really on my own here. My work and kids are suffering and its a nightmare. I need to do something, Im just not sure what :-(

pinkshoes

Perhaps selling the house would be a good idea? At least then it would be a way of getting rid of him, and allowing you and your kids to get on with your lives. Don't worry about getting divorced. If he can't respect you, then you're better off without him.

Are you close to his parents at all? Does have have brothers/sisters? Do any of them know what's going on and could talk some sense into him.

Go to the CAB immediately and see what advice they come up with.

Debt_Free_Chick

helpMe wrote: »

Thanks guys, I know I dont really want a divorce because at the moment financially im really struggling (even though I earn a decent wage). He wont leave the home, so I need to find a way of getting him out. Im 30 years and dont know anyone else who's divorced so Im really on my own here. My work and kids are suffering and its a nightmare. I need to do something, Im just not sure what :-(

Your only way of getting him out is via an Occupation Order - and there is no guarantee that you would succeed with this. Essentially, as you own the property jointly, you each have a right to occupy it. An Occupation Order, however, is an instruction from the Court to exclude one of the joint owners from occupation of his/her property. It would certainly be awarded to you if he were violent and/or the safety of you and/or the children were at risk.

Be aware, however, that in the absence of any violence or any safety issues, an Occupation Order can be made for you to "split" the property for occupation e.g. you get the Lounge, he gets the Dining Room; you get the kitchen from 6pm to 7pm and he gets the Kitchen from 7pm to 8pm.

If you really want him out, you will have to see a solicitor - unless he simply agrees to go.

Sorry to be harsh but "he has a right" to occupation, as do you. You cannot force him out without a Court (Occupation) Order - sorry

Debt_Free_Chick

helpMe wrote: »

Well nothing's changed But at least I can say I've tried. My husband is still contacting and meeting her and coming back here and its torture for me. Today I've made the decision to contact the CAB and find a solicitor. Does anyone have any tips on finding a decent family lawyer?

Use the search facility on the Law Society website. Insert your postcode and select "Family Law" from the dropdown list under the "Area of Law" dialogue box.

Look for a Partner in a firm, locally, who is a member of the Family Law Accreditation Scheme.

Sharlee

You could contact your local Women's Aid or Domestic Violence Service. They will certainly have details of an experienced solicitor that can help you. In these cases, good legal advice is essential, and the only way to move forward.

Regards
Sharlee

helpMe_2-2

Hey there. I've just found my thread from last year and Im re-reading and crying my eyes out. I know there are a few people here that are having an awful Christmas and << big hugs >> to you.

I decided to try at my marriage and tbh im no further forward. I still have Divorce websites bookmarked in my browser and I'm sitting here at 4.30am because my OH has decided to stay out all night again. I think he is still sleeping with her or somebody else and sometimes he even hints at it.

When I re read my post I realised that I really, really didn't/couldn't be on my own. That is what scares me the most. I've never been on my own, lived with mum until I met OH and then we moved out when I had my girl (now 13).

Sorry - I dont really know what the point of this post is. Im so independent in all other areas of my life, I'm so mad at myself for not sorting this out.

xx

robpw2

helpMe wrote: »

Hey there. I've just found my thread from last year and Im re-reading and crying my eyes out. I know there are a few people here that are having an awful Christmas and << big hugs >> to you.

I decided to try at my marriage and tbh im no further forward. I still have Divorce websites bookmarked in my browser and I'm sitting here at 4.30am because my OH has decided to stay out all night again. I think he is still sleeping with her or somebody else and sometimes he even hints at it.

When I re read my post I realised that I really, really didn't/couldn't be on my own. That is what scares me the most. I've never been on my own, lived with mum until I met OH and then we moved out when I had my girl (now 13).

Sorry - I dont really know what the point of this post is. Im so independent in all other areas of my life, I'm so mad at myself for not sorting this out.

xx

i feel for you but you need to get rid of him
you will not be happy if your still "pretending" to have a relationship just because your scared of being alone - your not alone you have a 13 year old
you need to find your own life now put yourself first and although it might mean losing the house you can and will be able to buy a new one ,
i think you need to find yourself a decent couple of friends who you can spend evenings with take up a hobby etc

new year newstart and start by kicking him to the kerb

quietheart

Have to agree with Rob. You've given it your best, it isn't enough and frankly you deserve a better life than the one you are currently tolerating. Your daughter needs to see you as a strong role model and letting him walk over you could set her up with poor expectations of men in the future.
It does sound like you've reached the end of the road. He's a pig for staying out all night and not letting you know he's safe. So cruel.

Money_maker

OMG, when I saw this was an old thread I was expecting a 'Happy Ever After' ending to inspire all those who are also in this situation. Your situation has not changed. He is nasty, controlling and manipulative. He has convinced you that you cannot survive on your own and that you need him.

He cannot take your home away but he can take your self respect. So sorry you were unable to give him the kick up the wotsits he so truly deserved x

JustKeepSwimming_2

Aw - I feel so annoyed on your behalf :mad: & I'm amazed that you have been able to "put up" with such a horrible situation for so long. Life must seem grim, specially with all this Xmas/NYE cheer around at the moment.

One thing I've learned is that a miserable marriage/partnership is far, far worse than being on your own. I'm older (but not wiser) than you, & I stayed in an unhappy marriage (unhappy for totally different reasons) for a few years partly because we had young kids & partly because I was scared of being a single parent.

We eventually split 4 years ago &, although it was hard as I had to cope with the kids, move house, start a new job, worry about finances etc. (while he went off on yet another holiay :rolleyes:) within weeks I was soooo much happier. I finally felt at peace for the first time in years.

Hindsight is wonderful - ex & I now agree that we did the right thing in splitting (although I still feel "guilty" because our children were so hurt). We're both so much happier apart.

Do you honestly think you can live like this for the rest of your life? I don't want to sound harsh as you must be so fragile by now, but stop & think about how you want your life to be by next Xmas/birthday/etc. What would you say to your daughter if she were in the same situation in years to come?

Your life won't end if you split up - it will be tough but you will have a better life without him. He sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant man & men like that rarely change.

Thinking of you (& everyone else having a carp festive holiday)