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Could he find me?

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Taye
Taye Posts: 473 Forumite
in Marriage, relationships & families
Just a quick question, I still live in the house my ex left me in with our children. He's never paid any attention to the children and has never been any sort of father.

However if i was to move house i suspect he would suddenly come looking for me as the house etc is still technically in his name. Now i don't care about the house or anything in it but if i was to just disappear could he find me?

I suspect he's use the excuse of the children to have a reason to come looking for me, though in reality he couldn't geve a toss if they where alive or not... but i suspect he would play the "hard done by dad routine"

Is there any way to set it up so that all the legal stuff, children stuff etc could be done via a 3rd party rather than having him know my new address?
This months aim :- Stick to food Budget / find £100 for my car insurance
May GC :- £250/£234.55 :T:A:T
June GC :- £150/£127.37:eek:
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Comments

  • geri1965_2
    geri1965_2 Posts: 8,736 Forumite
    Do you own the house? You won't be able to sell it if his name is on the deeds.

    Not sure how it would work with a tenancy.
  • Taye
    Taye Posts: 473 Forumite
    He jointly own the house, though i've soley paid the morgage for the last 7 years tbh i don't care about the house, im happy to just abandon it and let the bank take it or have him take it.

    I'm very happy to walk away from this with nothing it that's what it takes.
    This months aim :- Stick to food Budget / find £100 for my car insurance
    May GC :- £250/£234.55 :T:A:T
    June GC :- £150/£127.37:eek:
  • sarymclary
    sarymclary Posts: 3,224 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Taye,

    I suspect you would need to seek some legal advice here, as if the house is in joint names, then he has a legal interest in the property, plus a legal responsibility. Even if he didn't come looking for you, if you were considering selling the property, or even walking away from it and losing the house, the mortgage company would want to trace him.

    If you have reasons for not wanting to be traced by him, such as domestic violence, then I would think you could get some useful information from http://www.refuge.org.uk/ who must have lots of experience with this kind of thing.

    There would be a variety of ways that I can think of, off the top of my head, that your ex could trace you by, such as electoral registers, Child Benefit agency, etc. I think you've mentioned before that there are neighbours nearby who are related to your ex, so if you were to suddenly 'up' sticks and move on, they may alert him.

    I wonder if you could stall those suspicions initially, if you were considering moving out of the house, by having tennants in there? Your local authority may even consider putting council tennants in there, which would help you cover the mortgage even if you're not there. It would solve the issue of selling the house and having to have him tracked down. You could leave that for further into the future, when you really have physically moved away, and the sale would be dealt with remotely (think about the number of people who own properties all over the place).

    I am sure that if you have reason to fear being contacted by your ex, then if you've moved out of the property, you could instruct any solicitor to never divulge your new address to anyone else. You could even consider using a PO Box for a while?

    If it were me I'd be talking to Refuge to see what advice they could offer.
    One day the clocks will stop, and time won't mean a thing

    Be nice to your children, they'll choose your care home
  • barnaby-bear
    barnaby-bear Posts: 4,142 Forumite
    Taye wrote: »
    He jointly own the house, though i've soley paid the morgage for the last 7 years tbh i don't care about the house, im happy to just abandon it and let the bank take it or have him take it.

    I'm very happy to walk away from this with nothing it that's what it takes.

    If nothing has been done he jointly still owns the house. You need good paper records of proof you have been paying the mortgage, the lack of maintenance and good legal advice. House prices being low may be in your interest particularly if there are joint secured debts against the house. You may be able to negotiate a settlement relinquishing rights to his pension/in lieu of maintenance etc to take his name off, leaving him with no liability. These things are messy - there will always be a link or reason for him to maintain contact beyond the children until the house resolved legally. Abandoning it and you'll be jointly liable for the legal fees of the bank toing-froing with both you and the ex, plus the repo fees (charges for cutting the grass/security etc) and it'll probably be sold for less than you could have got leaving you with more debt/less to start again with. The ex knows where you are at the moment and could come looking any time as it is - probably best to get it sorted whilst still there so clean slate to move on from. Once it's in your own name if you moved in with a new partner or moved on you could rent it out leaving you with a bolt hole and backup plan. I suspect women's aid may have useful advice if there were domestic issues involved http://www.womensaid.org.uk/ about disappearing and using intermediates. Using good professionals such as a decent solicitor is usually enough to make a lot of cowards back down.
  • kelloggs36
    kelloggs36 Posts: 7,712 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    If you abandon the property, the mortgage company will come after you if there is any shortfall after they sell the house - they will equally go after him. It will be very stressful and you need to think very carefully before you do this. Running away from the house does not mean that it will disappear from your life.
  • kelloggs36
    kelloggs36 Posts: 7,712 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    sarymclary wrote: »
    Taye,

    I suspect you would need to seek some legal advice here, as if the house is in joint names, then he has a legal interest in the property, plus a legal responsibility. Even if he didn't come looking for you, if you were considering selling the property, or even walking away from it and losing the house, the mortgage company would want to trace him.

    If you have reasons for not wanting to be traced by him, such as domestic violence, then I would think you could get some useful information from http://www.refuge.org.uk/ who must have lots of experience with this kind of thing.

    There would be a variety of ways that I can think of, off the top of my head, that your ex could trace you by, such as electoral registers, Child Benefit agency, etc The ex cannot trace anybody via these methods - the Child Benefits Agency (actually the Inland Revenue) are bound by the data protection act and cannot under any circumstances divulge your whereabouts to him or any members of his family. Only other agencies have the right to the info, eg child support, income support etc.,. I think you've mentioned before that there are neighbours nearby who are related to your ex, so if you were to suddenly 'up' sticks and move on, they may alert him. That won't help him find you though - don't mention to ANYBODY where you are going if you choose to do this.

    I wonder if you could stall those suspicions initially, if you were considering moving out of the house, by having tennants in there? Your local authority may even consider putting council tennants in there, which would help you cover the mortgage even if you're not there. You would need to seek agreement from the mortgage company first though, as you would be in breach of the terms of your mortgage if you just rent out the property. It would solve the issue of selling the house and having to have him tracked down. You could leave that for further into the future, when you really have physically moved away, and the sale would be dealt with remotely (think about the number of people who own properties all over the place).

    I am sure that if you have reason to fear being contacted by your ex, then if you've moved out of the property, you could instruct any solicitor to never divulge your new address to anyone else. You could even consider using a PO Box for a while?

    If it were me I'd be talking to Refuge to see what advice they could offer.[/QUOTE
    ..............................................................]
  • Taye
    Taye Posts: 473 Forumite
    I regards to other joint debts, assuming he's happy to let it continue i assume as long as i keep paying them they will evenutally disappear? once the balance is paid?

    This obviously doens't apply to the house so if im understanding this correctly, i can't sell the house without his involvement, nor can i just abandon it without getting myself into even more debt and trouble with the bank.

    so what are my options? is there a way i can get myself or him removed from the morgage/deeds etc? i can't find him to contact him, nor would i want to.

    Also moving out of the house will automatically get attention as his sister would notice tenents or no tenents she'd notice her nephew's wheren't playing in the street and she calls to check on me quite frequently as i suspect she reports my situation to him.
    This months aim :- Stick to food Budget / find £100 for my car insurance
    May GC :- £250/£234.55 :T:A:T
    June GC :- £150/£127.37:eek:
  • kelloggs36
    kelloggs36 Posts: 7,712 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    could you not contact him via his sister in respect of asking him to sign legal docs? Can you afford to buy him out? What is the current equity in the property? Could you negotiate an amount to give him as you have paid the full mortgage for the past 7 years?
  • Taye
    Taye Posts: 473 Forumite
    kelloggs36 wrote: »
    could you not contact him via his sister in respect of asking him to sign legal docs? Can you afford to buy him out? What is the current equity in the property? Could you negotiate an amount to give him as you have paid the full mortgage for the past 7 years?

    I can pass messages on and im sure they get to him, but the man wouldn't even give me a divorce and hid in order to prevent it.

    I know he would refuse to sign any documents purely out of spite, he's not interested in money his only interest in me is to keep me trapped in this house. I could offer him double what the house was worth and he'd still refuse just to cause me pain.
    This months aim :- Stick to food Budget / find £100 for my car insurance
    May GC :- £250/£234.55 :T:A:T
    June GC :- £150/£127.37:eek:
  • Izzy.
    Izzy. Posts: 144 Forumite
    Taye wrote: »
    I can pass messages on and im sure they get to him, but the man wouldn't even give me a divorce and hid in order to prevent it.

    I know he would refuse to sign any documents purely out of spite, he's not interested in money his only interest in me is to keep me trapped in this house. I could offer him double what the house was worth and he'd still refuse just to cause me pain.


    How do you know if you haven't had any contact with him for seven years? Thats a long time. It must be worth a try to see. :confused:
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