Angry..do you see this as ok?

fedupandstuff · 17 May 2012 at 8:59AM

Concerned about how bf might be coming across with female co workers.
He protective of his phone and laptop when reading work email.

Yesterday he showed me something on his phone on facebook, so i was scrolling through the jokes and he suddenly got stressy when he wanted his phone back, tried to snatch it. I asked him why he was so protective. He laughed at me..
I clicked on the text button in a 'her ner ner' sorta way ( not a nasty way, we were still doing normal couple chit chat) and it shows a list of texts and first bits of conversations.. one being to a woman in his company. He was on the way to the office and he text HER to tell that he got a random erection(this is polite version of what he said)... but used a term c**k to tell her(not sure if i can swear on here)

He laughed at me when i was not impressed.
I think it crosses the line.

Opinions pls?

Makes me wonder why he needs to password stuff and can be secretive about work emails.
I feel like, if you are on a level where you are telling a female colleague your C got stiff on the way to work..what other things are you saying.

I'm not happy, but when he laughs at me like i'm stupid i feel i need to ask for opinions from male and female pov

neneromanova · 17 May 2012 at 9:07AM

If that was me I'd be out the door. The moment a guy starts getting secretive in my experience is the time when he's either planning something romantic and wonderful or he's cheating. More often than not it's the latter.

MissMonkeyMoo · 17 May 2012 at 9:07AM

I wouldn't be happy at all if my bf were texting another woman with that kind of info! Nor defending or excusign the behaviour now, but if he was just that kind of person (thinks its appropriate to speak like that to whoever) and you knew that about him before you got together then you would have to ask yourself if you really want to be with someone that clearly has no conversational boundaries! However, with the whole secrect issue it doesn't sound good. i can't give you a definitive answer as to what he is up to, but to be honest it doesn't sound good.

How you feel is how you feel - it doesn't make you stupid and the fact that he is laughing at your feelings is a way of undermining you and deliberately making you feel small - and it seems to have worked! You need to talk to him again to explain how you feel and how it really isn't appropriate to be texting colleagues in this manner - whether he is in a relationship or not! you also need to ask yourself if you trust this guy - relationship is nothing without trust.

good luck.

MrsManda · 17 May 2012 at 9:15AM

I think I'd be concerned that he's so defensive as that could indicate that he's doing something he thinks is out of line and doesn't want you to know.

But I'd probably be more concerned that he's laughing at your worries rather than being willing to talk to you about them as I believe no member of a couple should be made to feel stupid.

It is possible it's all relatively innocent but this depends on his personality and your relationship - is he the kind of bloke who has these conversations as a joke and is silly with many people or is it out of character and thus likely to be specific to this one woman?

For example I'm really touchy-feely and everyone gets bounced at and hugs (unless I know it'd freak them out) when I meet them. I've always been like that so my OH has no problem with it. However if he started cuddling someone other than a close friend, especially if he seemed to single out one individual I'd be worried as he's not touchy-feely at all so it'd be completely out of character. Though I'd want to talk about it rather than getting upset initially.

HTH a little - it may be worth talking to friends who know the both of you both as individuals and as a couple to get a personal perspective.

hazyjo · 17 May 2012 at 9:15AM

Trust your instincts.

That's way more than crossing the line and something is, will be, or has been going on IMO.

It is unacceptable behaviour, and I'm guessing you don't need us to tell you that.

Jx

peachyprice · 17 May 2012 at 9:18AM

Sorry, but you don't tell work colleagues things like that unless they would be interested, ie. "I got a random stiffy on the way to work........because I was thinking about you/thinking about what we did/thinking of the things I want to do to you" etc. You would not tell a colleague you have no interest in that you got a random stiffy because your girlfriend really does it for you.

He's making out like it's just you being stupid to deflect from whatever it is that he's up to and you can bet that if he hasn't done anything yet, he will do soon.

Sambucus_Nigra · 17 May 2012 at 9:20AM

Do you really need people on the internet to tell you that this is wrong on so many levels?

Anna_Glypta · 17 May 2012 at 9:24AM

I think it oversteps the mark totally - I would definitely not be impressed. Wonder what he would say if you had a text like that from a male colleague or if you were texting a male colleague telling them about personal sexual feelings!

Lotus-eater · 17 May 2012 at 9:25AM

Male perspective, no it's not OK and certainly something is going on with this woman, it might be just talking at this stage, but it's heading towards intimate contact.

LandyAndy · 17 May 2012 at 9:25AM

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Do you really need people on the internet to tell you that this is wrong on so many levels?

Ah, but when it is a brand new poster's first post...........;)

Tamsin_Temrin · 17 May 2012 at 9:26AM

As he could be done for sexual harrassment in the workplace for msgs like that - probably sent to someone interested in the state of his joystick. Or he is about to be hauled up before HR.

Angry..do you see this as ok?

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