Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

thorsoak wrote: »

I would suggest that DS goes bankrupt - that cannot put him in a worse case scenario than he is now in. :-(

I really think he should get advice before deciding on any course of action.

Without knowing the full details of his debts it might be that a DRO would be the most appropriate course of action for example. I volunteer at a CAB and we see quite a few people coming in saying 'I want to go bankrupt". After they've seen our debt specialist they often end up doing something different

As well someone (!) has to find the £680 that bankruptcy costs

I don't believe that I've read anywhere that the son has sought advice (I might have missed it). That should be his first port of call with full details of his debts and the supporting paperwork

thorsoak wrote: »

£680 to register for bankruptcy :eek: I had failed to factor this into any suggestion about DS becoming bankrupt! The logic of this fee completely fails me.

I agree that DS needs to face - and list out - all his debts - but he leaves this to SS to sort out and pay for him - he seems to be unable to face anything unpleasant, but this should not be the time that SS picks up the pieces yet again.

£130 adjudicator fee and £550 deposit (which you get back if your application is refused). There aren't any reductions for low income or being on benefits either as far as I am aware. CAB may know of a local charity who might be able to help

I don't disagree that the amount is high but them's the rules. It's details like these - and the fact that we don't know all the facts - that make me feel very strongly that he needs professional debt advice

I'm pretty sure Savvy sewing did encourage DS to go to Stepchange in the past but I don't think he followed through. The chances are that this would be the same outcome again whatever route he went down. I know there are some issues that mean any sort of plan is difficult - I believe DS is dyslexic and I have often thought he shows some signs of ASD. I only say that because he shows similar behaviours to my eldest who was only diagnosed in his 30's - the not facing up to things, repeating actions that have bad consequences and not learning from them. However, those are also behaviours displayed by people who take drugs habitually (as my eldest also did to try to mask their feelings of confusion in trying to cope). Luckily my eldest is not dyslexic - in fact, as long as communication is via e-mail or text he is extremely good at form filling, budgetting, or finding information on benefits and help etc., and part of his ASD means he doesn't give up once he is set on a course of action. Unfortunately he and his partner are not very good at any sort of housework and after nearly 2 years of offering to help I have realised that this is how they are so now I leave them to it.

Savvy sewing - I fear you may have to write off any cash that DS owes you, but please do not give him any more, whether that is for his car repairs or room deposit etc. You have done (more than) enough I feel and you now have to manage your resources - mentally, emotionally, and financially- for the grandchildren in your care. I know it's hard to ignore your heart when it comes to someone you love but it has to be done for all your sakes. I still cry a bit sometimes when I come home from visiting eldest but it's getting easier and most of the time I just think of him now as any other adult making choices I disagree with - it's his business, not mine. Getting to that point was hard I admit, but I had a lot of counselling during the worst times and learned to let go.

Well I've made myself a cup of tea and calmed down. I think I probably pressed the quote button on your post Neil rather than the thanks button which explains why the reply box wasn't empty.


Is it ok if I send you a pm re my location? Due to some posts here re my dd she would be easily identified on an open forum.



As I've had some contact with local cab on behalf of local homeless people althugh not in recent months my last impression was quite long waits for an appt which I understand as all services are under pressure due to cuts in support for many


I'm very concerned about my neighbour further along the lane. She's always been very reserved but we've chatted over the years about our gardens and various cats we were owned by.


She's looked very thin and ill and I discovered her sister had died a while ago. Sister had lived with her for a number of years and from neighbour asking me if I had any knowledge of schemes to use her house to repay nearly 6k of credit card debt incurred due to income lowering when sister was ill and keeping bills paid from her reduced pension while using the card for food and other expenses.


She'd never been in debt and is ill with worry and very afraid. I've no idea if she was referring to Equity Release or Home Reversion she said it was something she'd read in the paper. I told her major debt advice services do not endorse those plans .


She has never used the internet so I've printed various things off. I did manage to persuade her to speak to Pension credit on the phone in order to put in a claim which hopefully may include the guarantee element to hrlp re council tax. I made the call and handed her the phone when I got through. She was very shaky but managed to answer the questions.


Some searching on the debt free fotums has identified the bank both her current and card account are with as one of the difficult ones to deal with re payment plans. Luckily she has monthly paper bank statements going back years and is organised which is relief.


As far as I can tell historically she repaid any card purchases in full by the due date. Since the problems began she was paying just over the minimum payment each month. I've found three months recently when she was late paying and letters from the bank re a late payment fee each time and warning they may tske funds from her current account to make up the payments.


Those letters give an option to phone and changr her payment date to a week when bills aren't due and there is one week clear of dds each month. So far she can't face phoning them although I've told her I'm not allowed to make the call for her due to security issues.
So slow progress at the moment.


It's obvious she can't keep up the payments. She went slightly over her card limit a few months ago by a couple of pounds had another letter not to use it which will help reduce any further debt but I'm at a loss to see a way she can manage on very little.
polly