Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • pollyanna_26pollyanna_26 Forumite
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    Hope you find the glasses and can get the children settled and head for bed yourself.


    When I opened the curtains this morning it was thick freezing fog and very cold. Fog is back again tonight so I hope the weather is better in your neck of the woods.


    Sleep tight

    pollyx
    It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.
  • beanieloubeanielou Forumite
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    I think with a DRO the person owing the money has to pay a contribution?
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~**
    MFW. Finally mortgage free February 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
  • NeilCrNeilCr Forumite
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    beanielou wrote: »
    I think with a DRO the person owing the money has to pay a contribution?


    https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/debt-solutions/debt-relief-orders/debt-relief-orders-explained/debt-relief-orders-what-you-need-to-know/

    Again

    I don't think/know that a DRO is a possibility without all the information

    My underlying point is that, until a professional debt adviser has assessed the situation, we shouldn't (and I include myself here!), be suggesting a specific debt solution for the son

    As others have said, ss, there comes a time when your son has to face the "debt music" by himself. It's not helping you or him to keep bailing him out. I know that sounds harsh but this all needs to be away from you when you strike out with the three kids by yourself (with the appropriate support of course!)
  • beanieloubeanielou Forumite
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    NeilCr wrote: »
    https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/debt-solutions/debt-relief-orders/debt-relief-orders-explained/debt-relief-orders-what-you-need-to-know/

    Again

    I don't think/know that a DRO is a possibility without all the information

    My underlying point is that, until a professional debt adviser has assessed the situation, we shouldn't (and I include myself here!), be suggesting a specific debt solution for the son

    As others have said, ss, there comes a time when your son has to face the "debt music" by himself. It's not helping you or him to keep bailing him out. I know that sounds harsh but this all needs to be away from you when you strike out with the three kids by yourself (with the appropriate support of course!)

    Yes, I agree has to be a qualified debt adviser.
    Long time since I did debt advice & I am not up to date.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~**
    MFW. Finally mortgage free February 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
  • NeilCrNeilCr Forumite
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    beanielou wrote: »
    Yes, I agree has to be a qualified debt adviser.
    Long time since I did debt advice & I am not up to date.


    Beanielou

    Sorry. Reading my post again it comes across as rather terse. Not my intention at all. My apologies

    :beer::beer::beer:

    I just worry that once we start bandying stuff around there is a danger it can go wrong. I've seen it before

    You are absolutely right. He needs to see a debt advisor
  • beanieloubeanielou Forumite
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    NeilCr wrote: »
    Beanielou

    Sorry. Reading my post again it comes across as rather terse. Not my intention at all. My apologies

    :beer::beer::beer:

    I just worry that once we start bandying stuff around there is a danger it can go wrong. I've seen it before

    You are absolutely right. He needs to see a debt advisor

    Not at all :)
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~**
    MFW. Finally mortgage free February 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
  • Savvy_SueSavvy_Sue Forumite
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    Neil Firefox is blocking your reply to my pm. Never happened with my Dell . I'm still getting used to this laptop so will see if dd can solve that issue. I'm not very techie.
    pollyanna, is there a bar at the top of the Firefox screen which indicates that there is a block? If you click or right click on it, you'll probably have an option to allow this pm to be shown.

    For your neighbour, it may sometimes be possible to make calls on her behalf, if you are willing. You've already done the 'making the initial call and passing the phone over' thing, which may sometimes be all that is needed, but equally sometimes with my (too deaf to use the phone) mum I would make the call, pass the receiver to her to confirm it was her and she was happy for me to speak (I'd be listening in and mouthing away at her!), and then she'd pass the receiver back to me and I would do the talking for her.

    Also, just for the record, here is a list of this site's 'recommended' organisations to help with debt problems. I think it's worth referring to it, because SS's son and pollyanna's neighbour may find it easier to engage with one rather than another. For example, I believe that CAP (who are listed at the top of the 'best of the rest') do home visits in at least some areas, rather than having to make an appointment and go somewhere, hopefully with all the paperwork sorted out - just the thought of sorting out the paperwork, making an appointment and heading out of the door may be too daunting. Also worth noting that everyone is likely to be oversubscribed right now, but they may be running waiting lists which it would be worth getting on sooner rather than later.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: TWO adult cardigans, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees, 2 sets of handwarmers, 1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 3 balaclavas, multiple hats and poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: pink balaclava (for myself), seaman's hat, about to start another cardigan!
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    I am off to bed.
    My glasses have disappeared. Probably with the help of a small child, but at least I have found my old ones now.
    Started to sort out my accounts on the laptop, had to borrow a wire from DS's as mine doesn't seem to want to work. But not been used in a while so it decided to install updates, I managed some accounts though.
    DS is home from work nice and early and was able to help with tea and bath time tonight.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • NeilCrNeilCr Forumite
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    Polly

    I wouldn't necessarily recommend a DRO either. It's just one of the alternatives out there. As I am not a trained debt advisor (just a generalist) I would hesitate to post anything other than general thoughts on debt. Really - your neighbour and ss's son should be engaging with a debt advisor

    The three main ones - the two I have mentioned and Stepchange are in the link referred to by Savvy Sue. They are the ones that I deal with and I have no experience of the others (which doesn't mean anything than I haven't encountered them)

    From ss's post, though, it would appear that she is dealing with her son's debts - the ones she is aware of, at least
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    Morning.
    It doesn't seam to matter what time I put Dgs2 to bed he is awake by 5.30am
    This morning he has managed to wake up dgs1, who just opens the stairgates and let's Dgs2 out of the room, both headed straight into my room for google and my phone, and when I have said nope, not happening back in your room I had two of them screaming at me, and dgs1 started throwing my things around. Erm not happening. Steered back into there room and told to play in there. No gadgets. There is a old video tv in there, which currently is not plugged in, which he decided to punch. So we started the morning with complete meltdown.
    Funnily (not), DS didn't bother/didn't wake up, to come and see what the commotion was.
    The boys are playing in the room now, I am listening, but I am not going to give them access to the gadgets as a daily routine. Not on my watch.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
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