A Little Advice

Drea

I've spoke to my mum, I've told her everything so yea she knows.

It's rented, in both our name's, we got it put into seperate rooms with seperate tenancy agreements. I couldn't afford to live there on my own either... oh I don't know!

yoni_one

What does your tenancy agreement say about one of you leaving the property? If he wont go then perhaps it would help you to look at what is available in the area, house-share maybe if you can't afford a flat of your own?

Put your name down on council and Housing Association lists, you could quote your reason for needing to be rehoused as needing to flee from emotional abuse - which is what it sounds like you are currently living with. Get more advice and support at www.womensaid.org.uk

So sorry your partner has no respect for your views or feelings, people deserve more than that. (hugs)

galvanizersbaby

It's good that it's rented though and your not tied in to a mortgage.

Think you do need to speak to him re sorting the flat out - how much longer is there to run on the tenancy? - if neither of you could afford it alone then you could have a word with the landlord/letting agent and tell them the situation - they might let you out of the tenancy early if they can find somebody else.
Would you be able to go back to your mum's?

When I was in your situ unfortunately we had a mortgage together which neither of us could afford alone so we had to carry on living there for a bit in separate rooms - couldn't hack this for long though so moved back to mum's temporarily while the property sold - it was all a bit of a nightmare - does sound like a similar breed of guy though - my ex used to go out drinking all the time with his mates and his friends and football always came first - he was such a plonker!:rotfl: thought I loved him and it seemed like the end of the world at the time though but 10 years down the line I have a bit of a chuckle - I can't believe I stuck with somebody for so long who treated me like that - he was incredibly good looking though (brad pitt lookalike) and had very nice legs so I like to tell myself that was the reason!:p
Keep your chin up - it may seem awful and daunting now but when you look back I don't reckon you'll be sorry! x

Drea

It was a short lease tenancy (not too sure the proper name for it). Was 6 months at first but now we're just on a month to month basis, we just have to give a month's notice so that's okay. I could afford a one bedroom on my own, it's just the deposit (I'll probably lose mine for this place since my boyfriend has practicly destroyed it) and first month's rent that's a worry.

yoni_one

Then start saving up Drea, even if you somehow work it out with your ex it is always a good thing to have something put aside to keep your independence.

I don't know your financial circumstances but if you are serious about getting away from the daily hurt might it be worth taking out a loan for the deposit and first month's rent?

Drea

I wouldn't get accepted for a loan. Got a bad credit history. A bit of debt to several companies too (which he should really pay half of but won't). I'll be able to get all that sorted though now that I'm getting more money.

elona

Drea

He has practically destroyed the flat and he has got you into debt???

The guy is sounding like more of a prize by the minute!

The booby prize!!

You deserve better.

yoni_one

Drea, If you cannot afford to leave right now but that is your aim, you would benefit from making a plan and aim towards reaching the goals you set yourself. (you can always change your goals if things at home change with your ex).

I also think it would not do you any harm at all to ring the WA helpline on freephone 0808 2000 247, even if you don't consider his behaviour to be domestic abuse, they can support women (emotionally and practically) in your position. I know this because I work for them. They can also let you know your options and work with you to plan ahead and support you in assessing and reviewing your progress. The support is also very flexible, if you decide it is not for you then that is ok too.

Good luck!

Drea

My mind isn't really working to figure out things like that to be honest...

yoni_one

I truly understand and big (HUGS) to you. Life is poo sometimes innit?