cheating - what now?

KittyKate

pandapiglet wrote: »

thanks for the advice, Morph3us, i think you're right s to why i started seeing him and it was only meant to be a bit of fun before he moved away (i know that is selfish).
kittykate- i am under no illusion that he is/was still sleeping with his wife, i'm still sleeping with my husband. it's not just about sex anyway - we see each other 5 days a week and have opportunity for sex on some of these days yet only sleep together about once a wk.

i think most of you are right and i do know the answer i just have to stick with it!

thanks xxx

Is that you telling me, or you trying to convince yourself you're not that bad because you don't take every opportunity given to sleep with your bit on the side!?

Sorry but you're cheating on your husband - once a week or ten, the damage is no greater or less.

And to admit you are still sleeping with your husband too? So you do love him, or is *that* about the sex? You seem like a certain type of woman to me, sorry, but if the cap fits...

You can't say 'most of you are right' - it seems like you are agreeing with those who are more sympathetic and dismissing the short shrift you get with posters like me.

If a man came on here and said 'I'm cheating on my pregnant wife' he'd get called all sorts - and if he said 'my lover knows my wife's pregnant and it hasn't stopped her' - SHE'd get called worse!

Two childhood sweethearts, in love with their partners, one pregnant, both still sexually active and presumably without a clue as to any problems - both being cheated on by the people they've known most of their lives. What a bitter pill to swallow. I've been there, and it'll be a cold day downstairs before I start feeling an ounce of sympathy for those willing to tread on the hearts of others, especially children, to suit their own selfish needs.

shellsuit

How hard is it to stay away from married men/men in relationships?

You don't just look at a man and 'WHAM!' you fall in love, that takes time, so if the bloke is attatched you stay the hell away.

Don't alarm bells ring? Like 'woah this is wrong!', or do you just think 'ah what the hell, this is fun!'??

Of course the bloke is to blame just as much, but my God, are there not enough single men out there without women having to get their clutches into the married/attatched ones??

There is NEVER an excuse to cheat ~ never ever EVER!

It doesn't matter one bit how young people were, or how sad and low they feel, if that is the case, get OUT of the relationship that you don't want to be in, instead of deceving and ruining other peoples lives...then you will be free to shag whoever you like!

That's not aimed at anyone in particular, but if the cap fits......

Mips

shellsuit wrote: »

How hard is it to stay away from married men/men in relationships?

You don't just look at a man and 'WHAM!' you fall in love, that takes time, so if the bloke is attatched you stay the hell away.

Don't alarm bells ring? Like 'woah this is wrong!', or do you just think 'ah what the hell, this is fun!'??

Of course the bloke is to blame just as much, but my God, are there not enough single men out there without women having to get their clutches into the married/attatched ones??

There is NEVER an excuse to cheat ~ never ever EVER!

It doesn't matter one bit how young people were, or how sad and low they feel, if that is the case, get OUT of the relationship that you don't want to be in, instead of deceving and ruining other peoples lives...then you will be free to shag whoever you like!

That's not aimed at anyone in particular, but if the cap fits......

Some Women chase married Men on purpose, thanks to their own insecurities.

What chance have Men got when it is handed on a Plate? :mad:

You have to believe in Karma.

shellsuit

Dippychick wrote: »

Some Women chase married Men on purpose, thanks to their own insecurities.

What chance have Men got when it is handed on a Plate? :mad:

You have to believe in Karma.

Men are just as to blame, it's not most mens faults if their brains are in their kecks :rolleyes:

mymatebob

What the OP said in her first post was that she knew what she had done was wrong and was looking for advice.

People coming on here moralising about the rights and wrongs are not going to help one little bit.


"There is NEVER an excuse to cheat ~ never ever EVER!"

Never say Never is my comment on the above, however that is your opinion shellsuit and you are entitled to it.

To the OP - all that you want in the future will be a compromise and people will get hurt.
Who do you want to hurt the least and how much are you willing to compromise?

How important is your marriage to you, is it worth rebuilding or has it gone beyond that?
If you sat down and told your husband what had happened how would he react.
Remember that trust has been destroyed here and that is not an easy thing to get back.

As has been suggested it may well be beneficial to get counselling, on your own at first. This can help a lot if you are willing to be open about it.

I cannot really give you any advice other than the above, you know in your heart what you want and doubtless this is fighting with what your head knows to be right.

Think hard and don't rush.

Breathe deeply and take care of those you love (including yourself)

All the best

calleyw

Dippychick wrote: »

What chance have Men got when it is handed on a Plate? :mad:

.

loads they say no. I have asked my husband what he would do he said he would say no and walk away.

And he has told me has done it.

Last time I looked it took two to tango.

Yours

Calley

galvanizersbaby

pandaPiglet - I can't help but think this other guy is just a symptom of a bigger problem with your marriage as another poster has pointed out - you need to reassess yourself first (leave the other guy out of the picture he won't solve it and he is currently an excuse not to deal with it!)
You need to deal with your bigger issue and that takes courage

Your getting slated on here (quite a few people been cheated on sadly) but I've been on both sides - the pregnant wife being cheated on and the person doing the cheating - it's never right but you need to be brave and have a bit of courage now x Good Luckx

KittyKate

calleyw wrote: »

loads they say no. I have asked my husband what he would do he said he would say no and walk away.

And he has told me has done it.

Last time I looked it took two to tango.

Yours

Calley

But I'm sure that's what the OP's lover says to his wife. Men lie, so do women. That's why it's called cheating. (Not implying for a second your husband is like that of course).

You're right about it taking two to tango. And if the OP's lover finds it so easy to sleep with her and his pregnant wife, maybe it's up to the OP to show some morals in restraining herself.

B*llocks to 'when it hits you' etc....the OP married her husband, made her vows based on love. She is now sleeping with his workmate. Did she go out looking for love? Did she fall in love with someone else, end it with her hubby, then start anew? Is she in a platonic relationship with her hubby?

Or is she just sleeping with two men?

gremlin

lilian1977 wrote: »

I I know how easy it is for other people to say stop seeing him etc, but it is SO HARD when you feel like this.

No its not!

OP you just have to look and see this man for what he is and stop romanticising him.

Hes a lying cheating scumbag who instead of taking responsibility and supporting the woman he got pregnant, hes off sh@gging you.

He probably looks your husband - his colleague in the eye every day knowing hes sleeping with his wife.

Is that the man you really want to leave your husband and uproot your childrens life for?

Take of the rose tinted specs hun - then start looking at what you're doing to your family for a once a week jump?


Jane x

galvanizersbaby

calleyw wrote: »

loads they say no. I have asked my husband what he would do he said he would say no and walk away.

And he has told me has done it.

Last time I looked it took two to tango.

Yours

Calley

To be fair I would imagine that most husbands would respond the same way when asked by their partners this is what my ex hubbie used to assure me but he was cheating on me repeatedly throughout our marriage and during my pregnancies - but you are right it takes two to tango - I just think it depends what sort of man is invited to the dance!