cheating - what now?

judy2357

Are you prepared to lose your kids? I guess you are assuming they will stay with you, not always the case!! Do you want to risk it?

shellsuit

Leave your husband so you can be with the other guy.

That way, his poor wife and your husband can live their lives without being screwed over (literally).

McKneff

You must must must put your children first. They will not just be upset for a couple of weeks, this will affect them badly for the rest of their lives.

feelinggood_2

I think its worth bearing in mind the age at which the OP started seeing her husband. 16 is very young, and people do grow apart and change.

(This is as much for my benefit as for the OP)

The options as I see them:
~ End the affair, and be 100% faithful to husband
~ End the affair and try relationship counselling before deciding next move
~ Leave husband and set up home with 'the other guy'
~ Leave husband and be single. Find self.
~ Carry on as is.
~ Be honest with husband and discuss all options. Compromise may be possible?

I think the marriage needs to be looked at, trying to ignore the affair and those feelings. Is the marriage worth saving? Is it happy? Do you love your husband? Why are you together? Is it because of love, convience, fear or guilt?

Mips

feelinggood wrote: »

I think its worth bearing in mind the age at which the OP started seeing her husband. 16 is very young, and people do grow apart and change.

(This is as much for my benefit as for the OP)
quote]


Even more reason why you would owe your 'childhood sweetheart' the respect to NOT be unfaithful, and just separate honestly.

Cheating is never a good thing.

feelinggood_2

Dippychick wrote: »

feelinggood wrote: »

I think its worth bearing in mind the age at which the OP started seeing her husband. 16 is very young, and people do grow apart and change.

(This is as much for my benefit as for the OP)

Even more reason why you would owe your 'childhood sweetheart' the respect to NOT be unfaithful, and just separate honestly.

Cheating is never a good thing.

I agree, cheating isn't a good thing. I do, however, think that it is understandable, and is a symptom of a bigger problem that needs to be addressed.

I don't think we can simply say 'stop seeing this bloke and be faithful' - its a lot more complex than that. I'm sure if it was a case of just stopping seeing him, the OP would have chosen to do that. I think it is more helpful to evaluate the relationships and see what is missing, and work from there.

Jet

I have to say I would suspect that the pregnancy hormones of his wife and perhaps his attitude to things is making him scared of the commitment another child brings and I think he is looking for an escape. I would be very, very wary of comitting to this man at this point in his life. Also, would you be able to live with the guilt of knowing that you took a newborn babies father away?

I was in a similar position once (minus the pregnant wife) and had an affair myself. I was with my husband since I was 16 and fell for someone else. I left my husband and although I didn't set up home with the new guy I did immediately get into a relationship with him. The relationship with new man was not good and it took me a long time to "escape" from him. With hindsight I was very unhappy in my marriage and I would have left my husband eventually but this new guy gave me the "prop" and courage to do it. I'm not saying that is the right thing to do and I paid many times over by being in a very emotionally abusive relationship with the new guy but I can now see that I should have had the courage to go it completely alone. I think maybe you should consider that also.

shellsuit

feelinggood wrote: »

I think its worth bearing in mind the age at which the OP started seeing her husband. 16 is very young, and people do grow apart and change.

(This is as much for my benefit as for the OP)

The options as I see them:
~ End the affair, and be 100% faithful to husband
~ End the affair and try relationship counselling before deciding next move
~ Leave husband and set up home with 'the other guy'
~ Leave husband and be single. Find self.
~ Carry on as is.
~ Be honest with husband and discuss all options. Compromise may be possible?

I think the marriage needs to be looked at, trying to ignore the affair and those feelings. Is the marriage worth saving? Is it happy? Do you love your husband? Why are you together? Is it because of love, convience, fear or guilt?

That's fair enough, but there's no need to go shagging someone else and certainly not someone whose wife is carrying his child.

Whoever cheats on their partner, wants to step in their shoes and see how they would feel if the tables were turned.

The 2 blokes work together for Gods sake, how much closer to home can it get?!

MissSaz

Hiya,
The above post from feelingood is spot on, due to how long you have been with your husband it is not overally surprising that you are wondering if the grass is greener on the other side, and there may well be some greener grass somewhere for you but I wouldn't think it is with a man who is willing to leave his pregnant wife.
Just think how devastated you would of felt if you found out that your husband was playing away from home while you were carrying his baby.......

It might help if you try and invest some more time in your marriage and try to inject some spark back into it, gain that excitment again. Discuss it with your husband (obviously not the affair) and you may find you could both benefit from a relationship 'shakeup'.

I think in your heart of hearts you know what you need to do.

Good Luck xx

lilian1977

I've been through a similar thing, I was single but the man was married with children. I know how easy it is for other people to say stop seeing him etc, but it is SO HARD when you feel like this.

For me, it all ended when his wife found out and he took an overdose. He then decided he needed to try and rebuild his life, he said he wasn't going back to his wife and that he would be back in touch with me when it all blew over - that was over 3 years ago now and I've heard nothing, through a mutual friend and MySpace I have found out they're back together.

It took me years to get over it, and it's only in the last 9 months that I've felt strong enough to start a new relationship, with someone I knew for several months beforehand and knew I could trust.

So, I'm not going to tell you to stop seeing him because the fact that you've posted on here shows you know something is wrong with what you're doing. But I'm also not going to tell you that because I know first hand how difficult it is to see through the fog.

I just wanted to post to say I completely understand how you feel, and hope that you can take some strength from the stories here to do what you believe is right.

Hugs xx