cheating - what now?

pandapiglet

hi

i have signed on under a different name so not to be recognised.

before everyone starts i know that what i have done is wrong, but it's too late to turn back time and would appreciate some advice.

i am married and have been with my husband since aged 16, we have two kids, the eldest being 5. 2 years ago i started to have an affair with a work colleague (also my husbands work colleague) however he then moved away (i knew this was going to happen before affair began) and we didn't contact each other for a year (he is also married with kids and has been with his wife since aged 16).
a few months ago he returned and got his job back, whenever we saw each other we ignored each other and tried to act as if nothing had happened, however before long we were back doimg what we used to.

a few weeks ago he told me he loved me and i explained that i felt the same about him. he has asked me to leave my husband and we'll find somewhere to live together, however i don't know what to do.
to complicate things even more his wife is pregnant (i know i'm selfish and being a b$tch for carrying this on when i know this)
i don't doubt his love for me, but i do worry that if he's prepared to leave his pregnant wife and children for me then what does that say about our future together?
i still love my husband, but i think it's more as a friend than anything else and i trust him completely and know that he can provide a far more stable home for my children, but he's just not the other guy.

i know i'm being completely selfish, but can't (or don't want to) stop. what do i do?

thanks in advance

Alikay

You already know the answer don't you? Are you going to do what you want to do, or what you should do?

miserly_mum

Have you not just answered you own question?

If he can walk out on his wife and leave her with kids and soon a new baby who's to say he won't do the same to you once the next "piece of fluff" appears?

How a man treats his ex partner is usually a pretty good indication of what you can expect for yourself in the future

wes_cov

Oh Dear.. no help sorry but you know the answer to that this

stay clear even ignoring the fact your married does his wife deserve to be left as a single mother pregnancy is hard enough with support.

you need to just say no

whitewing

Rebuild your marriage. You are destroying your family. Even if you lose your husband you should not be with this other married man.

And have a ((hug)) too; it's not a good situation.

feelinggood_2

You are in a tough situation, and I think people being judegemental isn't going to help.

Personally, I think that talking all the options through with someone not emotionally involved would help. Do you have a friend who could be genuinely objective? Or have a few sessions with a counsellor?

I'm in a similar situation to yours, and you must be feeling tremendous amounts of guilt, and lots of other emotions.

My head feels like a big ball of string, and I'm working through it all and unravelling everything with the help of a friend.

I also think its okay to allow yourself a little time to make sure you are happy with your choice.

One thing I've been told is to remember that there isn't a right and a wrong way. There are only options.

KittyKate

I know you're not looking for a moral talk but I think what you're doing is absolutely disgusting.

If he loves you, how is his wife pregnant? Do you think he uses the same lines with her? Why is he sleeping with you both? Do you honestly think he loves you - after all, he left the first time, and is only sleeping with you now because he had to return for his job. It sounds like a convenient sh*g to me.

If you're not happy with your husband then deal with that as a seperate matter. You're not just looking at potentially destroying your marriage and kids' feelings you're also looking at destroying your lover's and his unborn child's.

If a woman did this to you you'd have some choice names for her. I'm sorry, but I have little sympathy - even if you think you love this man, back off, his wife is pregnant. What has she ever done to you? Back off - if you don't offer it on a plate, I very much doubt he'd leave his wife and kid, and that says a lot.

Sorry all if this seems harsh but I've seen far too many relationships ruined and kids hearts broken by greedy, dishonest men and selfish women.

MORPH3US

I am thinking that you probably started the affair to feel the way you felt when you first started seeing your husband all those years ago, the excitement of those nervous dates, the excitement of ..... (not going into it all, but you get my point).

But how soon until that wears off.... it obviously has with your husband, but then it will with this man too. As long as your husband treats you right then I think you should stay with him and sort things out..... if you have time for an affair, you should use that time instead to put some excitement into your marraige.

All my opinion, and the final decision has to come from you... good luck, it won't be easy.

Mips

Wow - tough one.

Best advice I can give is, you know your own tricks best.

His Wife is pregnant, hormonal, no doubt excited about giving birth without reason to expect what is going on... blissfully unaware...

.. if he can do that to her he can do it to you.

What's the chances you move in with him, devastate your husband and your family.. and he saunters back to his Wife and their new baby??

pandapiglet

thanks for the advice, Morph3us, i think you're right s to why i started seeing him and it was only meant to be a bit of fun before he moved away (i know that is selfish).
kittykate- i am under no illusion that he is/was still sleeping with his wife, i'm still sleeping with my husband. it's not just about sex anyway - we see each other 5 days a week and have opportunity for sex on some of these days yet only sleep together about once a wk.

i think most of you are right and i do know the answer i just have to stick with it!

thanks xxx

Mips

pandapiglet wrote: »

thanks for the advice, Morph3us, i think you're right s to why i started seeing him and it was only meant to be a bit of fun before he moved away (i know that is selfish).
kittykate- i am under no illusion that he is/was still sleeping with his wife, i'm still sleeping with my husband. it's not just about sex anyway - we see each other 5 days a week and have opportunity for sex on some of these days yet only sleep together about once a wk.

i think most of you are right and i do know the answer i just have to stick with it!

thanks xxx

Just think of the Tears if you choose him

It is so easy to wish for the other side... Grass always greener etc... but then it would be a big nasty shock for you and all involved.

Let the phase pass.. you wont regret it