deep in debt and husband dosn't know

Bismarck

loopylou3....

it is only a matter of time...the longer you keep this in, the worse you will feel and the last thing you need is to be ill.

I'm afraid there is no way you can do the things you need to do to fix this without a discovery being made...and living in fear of the phone ringing or a letter arriving is just adding to a pressure that will continue to build. The situation's not great but you can't let it break you.

take care and I wish you all the very best in turning your life around

OberonSH

At the end of last year, we all added up how much we'd paid back. It ran into teh MILLIONS!! Together we all so rock.

My OH pretty much knew about my debt, but we both thought it had been sorted. In the past few days I've been asked to repay nearly £20k, and even though it's 'Pre Him', he said 'It's our debt, we tackle it together'.

Please don't forget that this debt is not just yours - you can't tell me you ran up this debt on handbags and diamond rings. Hubby is going to have to take his share of responsibility too - never mind tiptoeing around him - he couldn't think you were running a medium-large household on £500 a month?! So when crunch time comes don't let him make you feel like it's all your fault. It's not. It was run up as a family, it belongs to the family, not you. Unfortunately it's fallen to you to sort it out, but that doesn't make it all your personal fault. Do not fall into that trap.

You are not alone, love. We're all here - usually when we should be doing other, more useful stuff - and we'll support you.

mumo5

I also ran up debts without my OH knowing in the 1990s. The relief was immense when I told him and we worked together to clear the debts. We divorced in 2000 (nothing to do with the debts) and I remarried and guess what? I did it again!!!!!
OH blew a fuse and frog marched me to the bank with a huge A4 envelope full of statements and asked the bank to help me sort the high interest cards and loans.It took days to get a full figure as I had been hiding letters or just throwing them in the bin but my grand total was just over £27000.
I must admit that being honest with my OH brought us closer together and I have not lost his trust, tho he does ask if i'm coping with the pennies.

This site is a great support to all of us. Good Luck To All

mountainofdebt

Haven't heard from her and I was wondering if she was OK.

Loopylou3 - if you are out there, how are things? PM me if you want.

kpwll

Have been wondering the same myself.

Runnybabbit

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Haven't heard from her and I was wondering if she was OK.

Loopylou3 - if you are out there, how are things? PM me if you want.

Thought that too, I hope she's OK, let's just read this as "no news is good news"

joeyjojo_2

hi loopy, i was in the same situation as you this time last year. i had debts from before i met my OH which he didnt know about, he knew how much i earned (which at the time was a lot more than him) so assumed i could pay for most things. We decided to move in together after been together for 18months. As we all know to do this we need money and took a loan for £5000 to pay for all the furnishings deposit etc...As i was earning more we took it out in my name with him giving me the money towards half of it.
At that time he didnt know the money he was giving me was going on my other debts.
LBM came when he found the statements and default notices i had been hiding from him.
Yes he was angry, told me that he couldnt trust me anymore, shouted cried, thought we were gonna lose the house as we couldnt pay the rent. Then he slept on it (i was on the sofa that night not sleeping as you can imagine) took one look at me and told me that because he loved me we could work through this together. He stopped smoking (yey) got himself on a management course through work. Worked part time in the evenings whilst i swapped to permanent nights for extra money.
He is now a manager earning more money than and he did all because of my stupidity.
My advice is that your husband loves you warts n all! Be honest and he might just surprise you. Keep your spirits up loopy, you are never alone whilst your on here!

gettingbetter

Loopyloo

you have my full sympathy
my oh and i were made br in may
i told him a week ago

i had hidden letters and everything fom him
i was so scared

he told me if i hide anything like this again
he will divorce me we are trying to work everything out

please tell your oh

there are great peeps on this board

i was at stage where i was praying i wouldnt
wake up in the morning

good luck and all the best

Tinkabell25

Hi Loopylou
Just discovered this thread and wanted to let you know that we’re all here for you. My debt is tiny in comparison to other people on here but its still a lot to me when I have never had it before. My OH didn’t realise until I told him a few days ago, he just called me a Muppet for not telling him the truth and gave me a hug. We are now on a strict budget and he’s supporting me. People say a lot if things like ‘they’d leave’ but that’s when they don’t expect it to be an issue for them. Your husband loves you and I’m sure when he calms down (as he will probably be quite angry) he will do his best to help and support you, that’s what relationships like marriage are about! I Hope you’re ok, a problem shared is a problem halved. xx

MrsTinks

I don't know how she's doing but her public profile states she was online last night on the forums at about 7pm

Loopy do give us an update on how you're getting on!