deep in debt and husband dosn't know

kpwll

Well done you and your hubby. Please keep posting, everyone's experience helps the next person who comes on for help and support. xx

SarahNeedle1872

loopylou3 wrote: »

Hi everyone. Well, i did it. I told him over the weekend. He went crazy for a while but once he calmed down he listened. I told him i wasn't going to take ALL the blame because the money had gone on all of the family and we were living beyond our means. I told him of my DMP action plan too. I have to say that having an action plan helped calm the storm a lot!!. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. The feeling of releif you all described was so true and i feel like i can smile again. My husband said he is not at all happy about the debt but he is happy i owned up before he found out. He said he loves me and feels terrible that i was so afraid to tell him. He is going to help me with the repayments until we have our new mortgage sorted out and then i will sort out a DMP.

I want to thank all of you that replied to my posts for your support because without you, i wouldn't have been brave enough to tell him. Now that i have, i can move on and actually sort these debts out and have a life. :j

Well done Loopy, I'm glad it turned out ok

Sarah x

Forgetmenot68

Brilliant!!! Well done!! Now you can fight together. What has helped me on my very short journey so far is to have a big action plan, then break that into smaller action plans, with small manageable tasks that you can tick off. Decide on your priorities and order them. Slightly obsessive sounding I know but it's all about clawing back control and this has helped me, so far. I've only just started, and I have a LONG way to go, BUT... the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I'll be thinking of you, and wishing you success all the way.

Forgetmenot68 xx

joeyjac

Thats great loopylou!! Well done for getting the courage to tell him. Bet you had the best sleep in ages last night!!

xx

man43

Hi i was the same untill sunday 20000 in debt with cards terrified of telling the other half, if i hadn't told him on sunday i was going to end up with serious mental issues couldn't cope on my own anymore. thank God on Sunday morning i sat down and told him i could hardly breathe for crying and telling him and he put his arm around me and said we will get through it there could be worse things happen to us in life.. couldn't believe it don't know why i hadn't faith in him but i now feel so close to him again i couldn't look him in the eyes for a long time just avoided him really. hopefully are future is looking brighter when we get the right help. tell him as soon as pos.

moanymoany

If you have been offering to pay bills and pay for nights out he must have had some idea that you couldn't have paid for it all out of the £500. This could be one reason he took it 'on the chin' as it were.

Go and look at the moneysaving old style forum and look at the living on £4,000 a year. These are full of ideas and inspiration on how to live on next to nothing - even in the present prices going up situation.

What turned my spending too much round was MS old style and then a book called 'The Tightwad Gazette'. It takes time to get to the gazette point, but start small and gradually cut back. Shaving a bit off the monthly budget every month makes it easier.

Good for you :T

squizz_2

Hi

I was in a similar situation with around £2,700 on my personal credit card which my OH didn't know about. He thought it had been paid off long ago. I had got it down from £6500 by keeping my mouth shut and throwing money at it, hiding statements etc, yes basically being deceitful out of fear. He knew about the £1100 on his Virgin card and our small loan but he thought that was the extent of our liabilities. I was frightened to tell him because although a lot of the balance was from joint expenses when we were both earning a lot less, quite a bit had gone on clothes, haircuts etc and I did not want him to think I was getting back into my old big-spender ways! He was with me while I was going through bankruptcy in 2004 and even paid my court fee so imagine the shame.

Anyway, he found out last week and was really angry but didn't shout, in a way that was worse as I was waiting for a delayed reaction! Luckily we seem to be OK now. He told me to transfer the balance on to the Virgin card immediately as it is 0% until June 2009 and at least we won't be continuing to pay interest...

So, we just have the one card debt now to which we are paying £500 a month, we will increase to £600 once the loan is paid off in October.

I know I am very lucky to have such a tolerant husband and I am on MSE most days looking for tips to keep our spending down so there's more money to pay off the debts. We want to start a family next year so it's important to get this paid off and start saving.

To anyone out there who is in a similar position - tell someone, your OH, parents, whoever - the fallout is not as bad or unhealthy as the worry of keeping it to yourself, hiding things etc. If you have already stopped the spending and have some sort of plan of action, that's even better.

mm244

Oh I do feel for you! I haven't got any advice, except to listen to the lovely people on here, they're very wise and will help you.

My OH & I got into debt together but I got quite a lot of 'oh it'll be ok, we'll manage' before the penny dropped :rolleyes:

All the very best to you & I hope things work out x

mm244

mm244 wrote: »

Oh I do feel for you! I haven't got any advice, except to listen to the lovely people on here, they're very wise and will help you.

My OH & I got into debt together but I got quite a lot of 'oh it'll be ok, we'll manage' before the penny dropped :rolleyes:

All the very best to you & I hope things work out x

I'm sorry, I didn't read the whole thread first! So glad things are getting better.
I should change my name to doh!