deep in debt and husband dosn't know

katyw

Loopy....I'm sending you a virtual ((((HUG))))

You're not alone, and never will be while you hang around on DFW.

My situation was a bit different, in that I was already on a DMP when I met my OH. I was dreading telling him about it as he's good with his money and is a whizz at snoozing the old CC's. He was great though, and we managed to get a pretty good mortgage in December. It's tough sometimes not being able to do things with friends etc, but Ive been honest with my close ones, and they're always looking at cheap nights out now!

I know it's not going to be easy having the conversation with him, and he'll probably be a bit upset at first......but then he'll calm down. When he's ready, bring him on MSE and he'll soon realise that you've not done anything wrong, and lots of people are in the same boat.

Good luck, and remember we're here whenever you need us. (Oh and if your thread slips to page 2, don't be afraid to bump yourself up the board)

xx

Buffythedebtslayer

I feel so bad for you hon, it must be so much pressure. honestly these people on here will sort you out and help so much more then you think a bunch of strangers could ever help. if you do tell hubby tonight I hope it goes ok. Most people seem to have a big angry fit and then calm down and work it out together.

thinking of you xxxx

madmalteaser

loopylou3 wrote: »

Well thank you so much for all your messages of support and for not judging me. I have no excuse for so much debt really and feel terrible that there are a lot more people who have got into debt through no real fault of their own e.g partners leaving, unemployment etc.

You're definitely not alone here. You won't be the first person who's got themselves into debt without realising how. Just 2 years ago I was in exactly the same boat as you (except I had a very new relationship). I'd racked up nearly 30k on loans and multiple credit cards as well as having a car on hire purchase. I couldn't work out how I'd managed to get in so much debt as I had absolutely nothing to show for it.

I finally bit the bullet and told the other half how much mess I was in and he was wonderful. Helped me tackle the worst debts first and got me on the straight and narrow. I'm still in debt but now it's all with one low APR loan which will be paid off in just over 2 years!

Well done for taking the first step. I'm sure we'll all be here to help you get through the next ones. Good luck :T

Runnybabbit

Hi babe, you asked earlier how other partners felt once they had been told, one word keeps springing to mind and that's HONESTY. Yep, like everyone says here, hubs will throw a hissy fit and stomp round for quite a while, and as Mrs Tine says, the quicker you tell him, the better for you and your family. You can't hide this much longer from him. Once you've done it, come back here and we'll all help mop up the tears with you, along with plenty of practical advice of course. Good Luck

mountainofdebt

Loopylou3

I've sent you a private message

bloomers5

I have been reading your thread and my heart goes out to you.
Did you tell him? was it hell and damnation?

I hope that this brings you closer together. I have always been a little secretive about my money and have come clean in recent months - because we have had to pull together to pay bills.
I don't know why I was secretive - deep down inside i suppose I could only rely on myself...doctor..therapy please.....
It is hard to reveal ....but we are closer now.

Do it -- good luck...

kpwll

Hi loopy,
It's only just over a week since my husband found out about my debt, I had hidden it from him for years. He didn't take it at all well to start, I thought he was going to go, made me tell our grown up children and threatened to put the house up for sale. I didn't eat or sleep for a week, I cried and worried and tried to explain that the money that he had earned went to pay My bills and that is why I carried on using the cards, because there was no spare cash after they had been paid, to use for the ordinary household needs.
I have contacted Payplan and am now waiting for the pack to come, I have changed my bank account, (hubby was advised to have his changed as well, so am sorting that out). We finally really talked last Saturday, I have hurt him so much, BUT we are going to work through this. He is taking over looking after the family finances, I am going to deal with all my creditors. I now have his support and although I am thoroughly ashamed of myself, we will get through this together.
Funnily enough, I'm relieved that this has come out into the open, it beats not knowing. It probably will be very hard, but I hope that he will support you and together you can solve the problems. Sorry to have rambled, but I hope it helps.

casiquerbrado

Hi ,

Sorry to hear of your situation.

I was also hiding substantial debts, from my wife.

Telling her was the hardest , but most relieving , thing I've had to do.

What I did though , was have a plan on how to resolve the situation ( in my case an IVA ) before I told her.

Was she angry ? Of course. Did she get upset ? Sure.

But she did calm down , we had a lot of heart-to-hearts , but now we are facing this together, and you know what ?

We have a completely open and honest marriage.

It's going to be hard to face up to it , but you know better than anyone that you have to.

I hope it goes well Loopylou3.

Please keep us informed.

You're amongst friends.

loopylou3

Thankyou so much for telling me how it went went your OH found out about your secret debt. Havn't found the courage to tell yet but your support is helping me come round to the idea.....slowly. Trying to find out a bit more about a dmp action plan but need to know how this will affect a remortgage (as end of fixed rate looming). Will keep you updated. You're all such a great bunch on here. If at any time i find i am in a position to offer advice i surely will. I have found all of yours invaluable!!!

MrsTinks

loopylou3 don't worry about it I think all of us have debt, or have had debt. Whether it's good or bad debt is often only a matter of chance or fate. Some of us have been luckier than others but once we pull together as a team it's amazing what can be acchieved