deep in debt and husband dosn't know

loopylou3

Well thank you so much for all your messages of support and for not judging me. I have no excuse for so much debt really and feel terrible that there are a lot more people who have got into debt through no real fault of their own e.g partners leaving, unemployment etc. However, i could stop crying when i reading your messages as you are all telling me what i already know - i need to tell my husband. I can't face it just yet though. I don't think he will be so understanding because he's read about women like me in my magazines and newspapers and said if i ever did that it would be the end of us. I need to get a plan of action together before i tell him anything. At least then he might see that i'm trying to put things right. I will go through my statements and list what i'm paying to each creditor and let you all know. How do i find out what interest rate i'm currently on for each one??

So nice to just be able to speak about it and know i'm not alone. Thanks again so much.

OberonSH

I can see how you'd be worried love, he might say that, but when crunchtime comes, you may be surprised. Your statements should tell you what APR you're on, or call them. While you have them on, ask them if there's a better rate available for you at the moment. My mate called round to get his balances and APR, told them he was considering moving away from the company and a few of them instantly cut his rate for 6 months. Worth a try!

You're never alone love. We're all there, in the hole with you Get a cup of tea, a few pencils and some paper and make a start today. Get your total, draw a line under it, as it's the LAST TIME you'll see that number - we'lll all help you cut down expenditure until it says £0. You'll soon get the hang of it. You'll be obsessed with breadmakers and £2 coins like the rest of us! Don;t forget to draw up a budget as well, while you've got your tackling head on.

Keep us updated!

skintscotslass

Hi loopy, you are never alone here. You'll always find someone to chat to. Good luck with going through your paperwork. The APRs should be on the paperwork xx

loopylou3

Have been reading though other threads as it does help to know that others have been and are going through the same. Oberon, you sound so sweet, you made me feel much better when you said everyone is with me in this hole.

I have noticed that DMP's have been mentioned quite a lot and have been thinking about it, but would this badly affect our credit rating? I'm only asking because i honestly wouldn't mind mine being affected it if help me become debt free quicker and the last thing i really want to do is start apllying for more credit anyway. But, as i have already said, hubby dosn't know about my debt and if i do end up telling him he'll go even more crazy if his credit rating is affected because of me being a financial link with the mortgage. Our fixed rate on the mortgae ends in dec and we will have to apply for new one. If we're turned down or have to pay higher interest because of a DMP i don't know what he'd do. sorry, i'm such a helpless nervous wreck at the moment. Think i need anti- depressants!

Shineyhappy

Try not to worry too much!

I think you are right and you will need to ahve a plan of attack before you talk to him. But it is better that he finds out from you than in December when you will have to declare loans and credit cards when you apply for a mortgage.

Do you have much you can Ebay to make a start on getting some of the debt paid off?

If you post your budget on here people may be able to make some suggestions on cutting back.

Have a look at the Old Style board for reducing your cooking spends as food will probably be one area that you can cut back on without having to explain why.

Can you keep to cheap days out for the children like pic nics and feeding the ducks or nature walks to save some pennies without it being too obvious? Little things like this all add up and help to pay more than minimum payments.

Poosmate

Please don't use any-depressants, they probably won't start to work for about 3 weeks anyway and by that time we will all have helped you back onto the road to recovery.

Please see MSE DFW and your thread as your virtual anti-depressant and you don't even have to pay a prescription charge! Yay!

Please use the link Mrs Tine posted and do your SOA (statement of affairs) and post it on here and the help and advice will come flooding in.

I would recommend you also read (I'm trying to find the thread name) thread.

Although your OH has been giving you £500 it certainly isn't enough for feed, clothe and entertain a family of 5 so the blame doesn't entirely fall at your feet. You will be in this together but first you need to get yourself armed with the knowledge of each of your debts, how much each is, how much interest you are paying, what the minimum payment is. Next arm yourself with wisdom. Wisdom comes from knowing how each debt accumulated and being able to break that cycle. Imagine having knowledge and wisdom 2 years ago may have equalled a solution whereby your husband should have been giving £700 per month. But we are here and now and the price of living has gone up astronomically, you're husband surely knows that so it's way past time you got a payrise! lol

Joking aside, we all hide our debts from someone or another to a greater or lesser degree, afterall, none of us want the whole world and his wife to know all of our business. Our finances are like our sex lives are very personal to us, between husband and wife, what plays in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom! (Or anywhere else in the house for that matter). Having said that, sometimes you need help and you have found the perfect place to be able to ralk openly and frankly with people who are in (in some cases) exactly the same position as you are.

Please let us help you to create your own plan of action that you can prove to your husband will work so that it will hopefully ease the pain and suffering you will both go through when you are ready to explain the problems that have arisen. And don't take all of the blame - again, please read (trying to find) thread and things will be much clearer and you will have greater strength when you need it most.

Hope this helps in some little way.

Best of luck

Poo

Edit! It's not Runnybabbits thread I was thinking about! Sorry Runny! Am changing text now! SORRY!!!!

loopylou3

i will do soa sometime tomorrow. Can't do now as hubby will be in from work in a minute. In the meantime, can anybody help answer my question above on DMP's?

L-Jay

A DMP will affect your credit rating, but like you said you've no plans to apply for more credit. I'm not sure how it is now but when I was a mortgage advisor we didn't credit score just to change to a new deal.

You really need to tell him, can I ask where he thought the money was coming from that you were paying for things with?

loopylou3

well i guess he always thought it was coming out of the £500. I don't have to buy the food out of that by the way. He has never known i was paying debts out of that money so prob thought that the money i paying debts off with was sitting in my account. Most of the time he wasn't aware of how much actual cash i was spending because it was during the day while he was at work, and, i've hidden things that i've bought like clothes or said they were a lot cheaper than they were. I've been looking all teary since he came in and he keeps asking whats up but i just can't get the bloody words out. Too scared of the fallout afterwards. I'd love to know other peoples husbands/wives/partners reactions to this sort of news by the way.

MrsTinks

I wish I could tell you all of them reacted well and were supportive but I'd be lying

However he obviously realises something is up and that you're genuinely worried. I think putting the kids ot bed early and sitting down tonight with him might be a good idea...

Yes he'll probably be angry, yes he might even shout, but you are making yourself sick worrying about this - explain to him what the situation is and that you want to work it out and how you intend to do it. Then pick a NEW user name and BOTH of you get on here with your SOA and you know we will support you through this
One way or another you have to deal with this, being scared of your husband and how he will react is no way to live.

And he might surprise you... Asking for his help and showing him you really are willing to deal with this debt might help

Best of luck!