HELLO From New Zealand

*Robin*

Hi Chev, :grouphug:

Who knows what the future will bring?

A two-year secondment / commitment sounds great, if that's a realistic prospect for DH re work (and he's willing).
Give you time to work out whether there's a rose-tint on your yearning for 'home', which may [or may not] tarnish once you're living there again?

How would it affect your boys' schooling?

RosiePuddingPaws

A two year secondment might sound okay but it is a lot of upheaval for your boys - particularly if one is already saying he wants citizenship.

May I ask why you kept your UK house? Keeping that has, to my mind, not helped you to settle. If part of your unhappiness is not being on the NZ property ladder and having to ask landlords for permissions for pets, etc., then that would be one way to improve things to make you more settled.

You say you would be able to sell (if you came back) and move to Devon and have little mortgage. It might be worth checking that. There are parts of Devon that are not so great that would be easily affordable, but to live somewhere nice might well be more expensive than you think. Also, wages in Devon are not that great for the majority. You (and your husband) may be lucky and get well paid jobs but the base wage starts low. With a degree then that may help you (bear in mind that fees for the OU have gone up tremendously), but you may still struggle, at least initially, to get the wage you want.

I appreciate you are not totally happy there (although you do have an interesting list of pros for staying!), but the thing that struck me most is that you are unhappy and want to come back but the other members of your family are basically happy where they are.

It is a difficult one for you all to work through.

MrBloater

It strikes me with your list of pros and cons that you are trying to be incredibly even-handed about the whole thing, but also please factor in to any considerations about your kids these points.
a) kids, even teenage boys, will pick on the unhappiness of their mum. As you're hating it out there, no matter what brave face you think you have painted on, they will know.
b) don't get too caught up in the wherewithals of option choices etc. Every school has late/casual admissions at most points of the academic year and the likelihood is that you will get the classes/courses you want if your kids show the desire/academic merit for them. Especially with a subject like Geology - it is not on the curriculum of the majority of schools, so there is no need to worry.

Does your OH and kids know how strongly you feel? Maybe now is the time to let them know.

chevalier

Thanks for your replies guys. It is a tough decision whatever we decide. I guess part of it is feeling that if we go back we are failing. But on the other hand, at least people can't say we didn't give it a good go.
chev

brizzledfw

Hope you're having a good week, Chev x

boredofbeingathome

chevalier wrote: »

Thanks for your replies guys. It is a tough decision whatever we decide. I guess part of it is feeling that if we go back we are failing. But on the other hand, at least people can't say we didn't give it a good go.
chev

That is one thing no one can say. It is always better to have tried, you would have been left wondering otherwise. x

chevalier

Well I am still here in NZ. Having got OH on board about coming home, it has all gone quiet again. This is in part because I saw something that was close to my dream job. Working for a marine institute about an hour north of Auckland. I actually got an interview for it and though it was a bit weird, I am now waiting with baited breath to see if I got it.

This has put everything else on hold. We were going to have to move house because we can't get the kids into the school they want (battle for another day that, it isn't the greatest in some ways, but it IS where all the friends are going... so...), and had found a house, but if I get this job, we will have to move north, as the commute would be too long both ends, and it is a full time 9-5 job too, so even as it stands I would have to organise some form of wrap around care. That's the update bit

Now the I need some advice bit. As you know I work as a casual on nights in a supermarket. One evening I hurt my shoulder at work. Didn't realise til I woke up the next day, and it was really sore. So I later reported it as an accident at work (I had been lifted something heavy above my head onto a shelf). I SHOULD have been using a step, but had felt so imtimidated by the aura of 'hurry hurry, get the job done, there is no time for all that' that I didn't get it.

Anyway fast forward a few weeks, and I had not had a letter back from the Accident board about it, so asked at work, and was told that I had to fill in forms etc.that I didn't realise I had to do. The HR women buttonholed me as I was paying for some items (so couldn't get away), and on the shop floor, in the presence of other staff AND customers proceeded to insist that I HAD to see the shops physio/dr, and that there was no alternative. I tried to point out that I didn't want the shop to pay for treatment (which is what they do if you go to their physio/gp), as I have private medical cover that would take care of it. Remember this was talking about a health issue, in front of customers, and other staff. So I asked her to make sure the forms are sorted out and I would fill them in. And made my escape. All through this she was repeating that it was all in the code of conduct book, and when I asked a question just repeated that (like !!!!!! was the point of that for heavens sake). And her tone, was really condescending and intimidating.

So I checked with my union rep, who said that that was rubbish and I could go see who I liked. And later I even found that, on a copy of the 'what to do if you have an accident' poster, that was on the wall, it said I could indeed see my own physio.

So yippee start seeing the physio, who is pretty concerned about the injury, how tight the muscles were around it etc. And I wait and wait for the forms to come. No forms. I have my over manager after me about the accident too, saying the same as the HR person, even though it isn't true!

So in the end I got a bit hacked off and sent an email detailing the issues to the Store managers email, FAO the attention of these two, and suddenly the forms magically appear. So I look at them, and yes my physio has to fill them in, and at the bottom it says fill this in and send it with the Accident form to such and such address (the private company that my supermarket have taken on to manager their injury claims.

So fast forward to today. It has been a VERY hard night, one man short so didn't actually complete all that came on to be done. And I have to get home, so that OH has gone to work. I had already clocked off so was on my own time, but wanted to have a quick word with a manager on my way out. I was nearly to him, (so he could hear), when she shouts out in that sort of voice that isn't going to stop calling you even though she could see I was walking TO a staff member.

So I stop, and she asks me about the form. I tell her that my physio has got it and will be filling it in probably today, and then sending it off to the address at the bottom ( remember I thought this would be a quick one or two sentence conversation and I could carry on and get home. Also remember that there are at least two other staff members in the immediate vicinity, and another walks over to her in the middle of the conversation, just to say hello!). So the HR lady asks me what phsyio I am going to, and I tell the area it is in (and feeling what business is it of yours?), and she says that I should have gone to the one in Silverdale. I think here we go again, and say we have already been through this, and I can go to my own provider. So she says well OF COURSE you can really snidely, and then says that the forms need to come back to her so that she can see them, and then send them off to head office, who will then send them onto the insurance company. I explain that it says on the form to send them to x company. And she's no that isn't right, didn't you look at the forms?

By now I am feeling a) really upset that we are discussing this in public.
b) that she has stopped me on my own time, when she could have found me when I was still on shift (she gets in at 6 I finish at 7).
c) I am now thoroughly confused about the forms.
d) what was going to be a short conversation has gone on for 5 mins and I really need to get home for OH.

So I ask her could she put the information in an email to me, so that I understand what she is asking. And she replies 'oh I am too busy to put it in an email'. At which I am thinking holy heck, too busy to make sure someone understands what needs to be done so you can do your job properly!

So by now I am barely keeping my temper, and I am upset that other people can plainly here what is being said. I feel like I am being treated like a 5 year old, and it really wrankles. So I try to say well I will phone my physio to tell her, but now I must go as I have to get back so my OH can go to work. And she STILL keeps on, so in the end I put my hand up and say, I am sorry but I have to go now and leave.

By this point I am absolutely livid and to be honest swearing quite colourfully sort of under my breath. Luckily there weren't any customers present, but still, it wasn't very professional of me either.

When I get home, my OH is of the opinion that I should just let the phsyio follow the instructions on the form, and be done with it. However I do end up emailing the phsyio, just to clarify what the instruction say ( I hadn't really read the form, as it was for the phsyio, not me to sort out).

So OH and I think that I should send the overall Store Manager an email, complaining about her unprofessional conduct. We both feel that this sort of discussion should be done in private, and preferably with someone else present (eg union rep or manager). I am really really p!ssed off about this. Especially her saying that I could go to another provder, when in the first 'meeting' she said this wasn't the case.

WWYD?
chev

duchy

Argh seems like HR "professionals" in both countries can he completely idiotic. I don't know anything about NZ privacy or employment laws -certainly over here you'd be entirely justified in raising a grievance over her odd behaviour but perhaps check out with the shopworkers union over there if the legislation is similar first so you are on firm ground and able to quote applicable legislation if needed.

missrlr

First sorry you are injured. I would email and complain about her complete lack of professionalism and confidentiality to her boss, copy your boss in.
State this is a formal complaint if you want about the unprofessional, bullying hectoring you suffered.
Personally I would have stopped the conversation and stated this needed a proper meeting IN private where I can take notes and when was convenient? Next time just cut her off and request quiet meeting in private.
Ask for a copy of the forms from Physio for your records
However, just for some perspective, this to will pass hopeFully sooner rather than later with the job news! Might not be worth getting too hyped about if you are leaving soon. Just sort the Physio and paper work, keep a diary of the instructions and your execution of these or follow up just in case
Hugs hope this sorts out

chevalier

Thanks for the replies so far. I am a bit in two minds about complaining or not, cos as you say missrir if I get the other job it will be a bit moot anyway.
It is awful really cos you start suspecting everyones motives. Ie next week I only have 1 shift of work, when usually I get 2,3 or 4 depending...In the run up to Christmas I can't see how this is possible but there you go...
chev