HELLO From New Zealand

*Robin*

Hi Chev, :hello:

Good to see you posting again!
Have you written out a day-by-day itinerary of the way you'd like your holiday to go?
..When you finally get to sit down and go over the plans with OH, it could make it easier for him to visualise the reality, eg:
Day 1 - drive to airport [xxhours/miles], get on 'plane
Day 2 - arrive UK, drive [xxhours/miles] to [relative's house]
Day 3 - ..etc.

((Hugs))

R x

chevalier

So have had a !!!!!! start to the new year, my mobile goes on Friday night out time about 1.30. Just thought sodit I will pick it up in the morning.

Turns out that my young niece had passed away, and mum was texting to tell me.

It really can't get much worse than that can it. I have had to keep it together for the kids today (saturday) as we had something arranged. So we will (who am I kidding it will be me doing the telling with OH being useless in the background), tell them tomorrow.

Thing is how to do it? This person was only 3.5 years older than my DS1. I am just going to tell them and then try to deal with the fallout. OH seems to think they will 'get over it' and carry on with the day. Ie do their homework and chores etc as normal. And then go to school on Monday.

Me I think they are going to be in shock. And hardly comprehending that someone not much older than them is dead. Hell I am having a hard time with that as it is anyway.

Don't know if I will come back for the funeral. If I do the family can't afford for me to come back for the wedding in April I don't feel

To quote Beanielou BAH THAT IS ALL

lucielle

Gosh Chev, I feel for you. There arfe some websites that can help with a young persons grief. Not sure if you're in contact with Hypno via FB but she gave me the link a couple of years ago and I can't remember the name.

I hope that may hel[ a little.
Hugs
L

HappyNow

Oh Chev, I'm really sorry to hear that. I have no useful advice to give, but I do have a little insight into how your children might feel because it happened to me when I was nine.

I had an aunty with cancer. Although she was my aunty, she was actually only a few years older than me and we saw each other maybe once a month. One day I came out of school and my parents were both there to meet me, which was unusual. I got into the car and my mum, who had clearly been crying, simply told me that she had some bad news, my aunty had died that day. I remember just simply saying "OH", then carrying on talking about other things, what was for tea, what I'd done at school etc etc. With absolute clarity I remember my mum turning to my dad and saying "She doesn't understand, she's too young". But I DID understand, I just didn't know how I was expected to react, or what they expected me to say or do - so I did and said nothing. If my mum remembers it at all (we never talk about such things) she will think my aunty's death meant nothing to me. But even though it was 44 years ago, it's still one of my most vivid childhood memories and I'm crying just remembering it now.

I think what I am trying to say is that you can't guage what their reaction will be, and however they react that won't necessarily be the true extent of their feelings. If they have ever lost a pet that might give them some point of reference, but I think all you can do is tell them openly, compassionately, and let them know that you are there for hugs, chats and memory-sharing for as long as needed.

Also, remember that YOU are bereaved too and take care of yourself x

Buffythedebtslayer

HappyNow wrote: »

nothing to me. But even though it was 44 years ago, it's still one of my most vivid childhood memories and I'm crying just remembering it now.

I think what I am trying to say is that you can't guage what their reaction will be, and however they react that won't necessarily be the true extent of their feelings. If they have ever lost a pet that might give them some point of reference, but I think all you can do is tell them openly, compassionately, and let them know that you are there for hugs, chats and memory-sharing for as long as needed.

Also, remember that YOU are bereaved too and take care of yourself x

I agree with Happynow's post. My Nan died when I was very small, about 5- Mum NEVER talks about it and my Dad did only a handful of times. I know my reaction was not what Mum expected. I knew it was bad but I didn't know "what" bad is that makes sense. So I did carry on as normal. I think that hurt Mum in the midst of her grief.

I think just tell them as gently as you can and say that you will answer their questions as much as you can but that you are very upset about it and may find it hard to give answers just yet.

You can never tell with kids, how they react differs hugely thinking of you Chev xxx

Piquant_2

Oh chev my heart goes out to you. I don't have any advice but I don't want to leave you on your own.

Thinking of you

Piq x

chevalier

thanks guys.means alot

GreyhoundAngel

Oh Chev hun, likewise I have no other words of advice to impart.

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you.

Angel xx

*Robin*

Oh Chev, am so sorry to hear your sad, sad news.

Buffy's suggestion seems a good way to tell your children:

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I think just tell them as gently as you can and say that you will answer their questions as much as you can but that you are very upset about it and may find it hard to give answers just yet.

chevalier wrote:

Don't know if I will come back for the funeral.

..Surely that won't be expected, as you are so far away? It'd be a mistake to jeopardise your holiday in April - after all, it's now too late to say goodbye to your darling niece (would have been worth the effort if you'd had some warning of her decline in time to visit).

Instead, on the day of the funeral maybe you could go somewhere beautiful (with a picnic?). Tell happy stories of your niece, and release some balloons (in her favourite colour).. Take 'photos - am certain the child's parents would like to see how you celebrated their daughter's life when you meet up for the wedding.. :lovethoug

(((hugs)))
Rxx

taxi73

Am so sorry to hear about the sad passing of your neice as she can't have been very old.
I have no advice re telling the children but some of the advice above sounds good.
Big hugs to you and your family xxxx