HELLO From New Zealand

*Robin*

Hi Chev,

Have sent you a pm.

Rxx

*Robin*

Hello Chev, :hello:

How was your trip 'home' and the wedding?

Hope you and your family had a wonderful time.

chevalier

I will do the holiday in bits, so here goes.

The saddest bit of the trip was going to my sisters. I don't know why I hadn't expected it, but seeing the picture of my niece and nephew on the walls felt like a punch in the guts and reminded me again that she is gone. God it was so hard. I can't imagine how it must be for her parents.

For those who don't like icky stuff please look away now.

It was toxic shock syndrome due to tampon use. If you have a sister, a daughter, a mum a niece then sit them down and talk to them about this. TSS presents like a really bad case of D&V like the norovirus (hence them not being sure what she had passed from initially), so if you get these symptoms and you HAVEN'T eaten anything dodgy and HAVE been using tampons then MENTION this to the DR.

There are only 40 cases of menstrual TSS each year, and only 4 deaths. You can imagine how heart wrending that was to hear. The thing is it is SO rare, that they were told that a GP is unlikely to see a case of it their whole career. But for the people who survive it, it is a hard road to recover from it - you can lose limbs etc due to blood poisoning.

Symptoms are high fever, D&V, dizziness and sometimes a rash like you have got sunburn in the armpits. Catching it in time is the key. Just about the time my sister was thinking how come we aren't going down with this bug, was the time my niece passed away.

Please treat this information sensitively. I am balancing my desire to raise awareness with my desire to protect their privacy. So if you do choose to pass this information on, perhaps you could say you found it online or something.....

chevalier

So the wedding. Erm. Bride looked amazing. It was great they laid on buses. Erm. It rained the whole day. Erm best leave it at that....:rotfl:

The travelling was pretty hard on us, but I think in the end worth it.

We got to see a relatives war grave, go across the tallest bridge in the world, and see the most amazing cave paintings on the way down to Spain.

On the way back we went to the Oceanagraphic in Valencia. It is the biggest aquarium in Europe and is an amazing place. I could have sat and watched the fish literally all day.....

Saw some good friends on the way back through so that was good too. Really really miss those guys. I wonder if they just get together when we pass through, or if they still see each other. Who knows I guess. Still I miss their support.

On the other hand I was able to support a friend as serendipitously, we were in the right part of the country to go see his first art exhibition. I was SO proud of him...

chevalier

Was glad to be able to see family. Saw my aunty which was ace. We had such a good chat.. Like we haven't been apart for 2 years (I saw her when I came back when my dad was ill). I miss her so much. She is so lovely. And I got to see some of the south west family too. My sort of niece and nephew have grown up soooo much. My niece especially has blossomed into a beautiful young lady. But there was a pang there too, as she is 14 just like my niece that passed.

Then there were the inlaws to see etc. Oh that was such fun and so great. We got to stay in a villa together in Spain so had time to chat there aswell as when we got home.

We got to see my mum too. Clingy as usual, but we got through it. But we had to lie by omission which I didn't like. But OH was adamant she wasn't coming on one of our trips, and whilst I agreed I didn't like it too much. Still I took her and the boys on a trip so OH could help out at home. So that worked. I just know she will have wanted more time. Sigh

And the SIL that ALWAYS asks me if I have put on weight bl**dy well asked me AGAIN this time as well. It REALLY GETS ON MY ****. GRRRRRRR. Oh well silver linings I don't have to live with her. And they have been affected badly by the Euro recession so should be more forgiving.

chevalier

So how did OH and me do. Hmmmmm a LOT of sniping. In fact in some ways the kids were better behaved than we are. All the way through he was trying to stop us going to a certain place and got really grumpy when I insisted on going to it, AND taking a whole day over it.

Even though we didn't actually TALK about the moving home thing, he would have been completely blind not to see how happy I was around family and being HOME! We were with my cousin in Europe and my cousin asked me, if he moved to New Zealand what would he missed. Without thinking I said family. and I really mean it. I HATE my kids not growing up with family support around. Hell I hate not having the family support either. And you know what it isn't fair on the kids either.

They were soo sweet before the wedding. They have both got a bit of hero worship going on for my oldest nephew (who was the groom), so rather than just getting smart trousers and a shirt, they both insisted on getting suits (and I just knew that was to be like their cousin).

At the wedding DS2 did his usual blending in routine, with DS1 being on the outside. He is just at that age where he is too young to want to do the mad running around etc that the younger children were doing, but then is too young to be hanging out with his older cousins (the youngest of whom is 23). But they were very kind with him, especially the youngest one.

chevalier

So do I want to come home. YEP. Just trying to figure how to do it. Ie do I compromise and say to OH, ok here is the deal. I will stay until DS has finished this part of secondary and then we are going.....? The advantage of this is that I have finally talked OH round to be doing some courses over here.

Or do I say no I have enough, I want to go home now. The advantage to this would be we could get DS1 into school for this September......

HeadAboveWater

Thanks for the updates on your hol chev

First thing is first: massive *hug* for you!!!

Rambling 1
I can only imagine how difficult it was to be with your family and have a member missing, and such a young member too
I know that for me, I'm vaguely familiar with TSS but I really know very little about it. It would be good to make more females aware of it.

Rambling 2
Glad the wedding went well! Bummer about the rain though! The sights/visits sound amazing!!!

Rambling 3
Really lovely to have spent time with your family Esp your mum

SILs? Hmmmm mine keeps saying I've lost too much weight and I'm too skinny!! You can't win!!

Rambling 4
I'm sure it was very difficult and tense at times with you and OH. Agree with what you say though - you and your kids both need the love and support of your family. Life can be tough and we sometimes need all the help we can get!!

Kids sound like they had a ball


Sounds like you have a lot of thinking and discussing to do! Maybe put both suggestions to DH and both come to an agreement. Or see if he has any other ideas too.

*Robin*

Hello Chev, :hello:

Lovely to hear from you, but your first post had me in tears - now understand your shock at the tragic passing of your niece; how absolutely awful for her Mum and the whole extended family.

Your pleasure at spending time with family shines through, and it sounds as if you have made your long-term decision. I do hope that is not causing conflict between you and DH; can visualise a rocky path there..

We'll be here if you need to vent - remember that if you find yourself losing your temper (((hugs))).

Rxx

RupertTheCat

Hi Chevalier,

I posted earlier on in your thread about how my parents moved our family out to New Zealand when I was very young and how we did fine out of it. With regard to your kids growing up without family support around - that may be more important to you than to your kids. I grew up with no family around and didn't feel disadvantaged in the slightest. The downside to that is despite having been back in the UK for a very long time, I still haven't seen any of my family apart from my parents and siblings since I was very young as I've had no interest in looking them up - I have no relationship with them. I am not at all bothered about this, but appreciate you may be! I imagine with Skype etc it's now much easier to keep in touch with friends and relatives in different countries.

I would say it takes at least 2 years if not longer to settle in a country - I remember my mother wanting to come back to the UK for about the first 3 years we were out there (she did nothing but cry for that time), but she eventually settled in, made friends and only came back to England in her 70s. And has done nothing but moan about how expensive England is ever since!

Ultimately it's up to you and how you feel, no one else can really know that and if you are really so unhappy maybe you do need to think about coming back to this lovely recession ridden, bureaucracy heavy and over crowded little island (I so miss the space you have in NZ, and the weather - enough all ready with this endless cold and rain!)

I do hope everything works out for you.