Disinterestd Grandparents - Advice?

Soubrette

Hey fitzmum

I totally feel for your situation and I agree with Loretta, your mum is not your problem. I too have no relationship with my mum, when I told her I was pregnant with my first child, her first words were..."well I hope you're not expecting us to babysit."

After trying very hard for many years, I don't care enough to carry on and have had no contact for over 5 years. That said my children do have a relationship with her and do love her, they see her fairly regularly although I do not and I rejoice that they can see something in her that I cannot.

She is not, in my opinion, a great grandmother but she loves them well enough on her own terms and I'm really pleased that they have that.

What I am trying to say is that you are not alone

On the question of depression there seems to be two extremes of thought - one telling these people to pull their socks up and snap out of it and one that seems to feel that there is nothing someone suffering from depression can do and that it is not their fault that they are moldering on the sofa watching TV all day. I personally feel that the reality is somewhere in the middle - they have to manage their condition and take control of it just like any other illness. There's no snapping out of it but there is strategies that can be learned to manage, cope and sometimes for the lucky ones to overcome this debilitating illness. If someone makes no effort then they will not get better and will more than likely get worse just like someone living with diabetes or even a broken leg.

Good luck with whatever you decide, one thing I learned quickly with my mum is never to put myself in a position of need with her there was always the payback of her making me feel guilty and hurt for disrupting her life.

Sou

geekgirl

teeni wrote: »

My Point is that this is not something you have control over, true depression is an extremely debilitating condition, you can not assume that she does not want to get better it is just not as simple as that.

Yep I know speaking as someone who has suffered with depression, had a total nervous and mental breakdown and suffered with agoraphobia for many years. I still have many related problems.
I speak as a sufferer not as a carer.

td

From your posts it sounds like your mum is in the pattern of depression and it is frightening to break that pattern as often, if you are depressed, routine is the only thing you feel you have control of and it is a terrifying prospect changing.

I can understand your point of view too as my mum walked out on us when I was young and rejection takes a long time to come to terms with- I know everyone says kids are resilient but IMHO it always comes out somehow through some behaviour or other. For your own sanity you either need to expect less and be happy if you get more, or if you feel like there are issues that could be dealt with so you and your folks have a better relationship, maybe try some counselling together if she's willing or on your own if she's not.

td