problems at home - with dad

Merlot

Get yourself out of the house tonight..you are a victim of abuse, certainly verbal abuse, can you go to your nans for a couple of nights? Phone Shelter, they will advise you on domestic violence, they can rehome you due to this, please read the website and ask your mum if she will leave the family home with you, if not, then you go, you must get out and think of yourself in the first instance.

http://england.shelter.org.uk/advice/advice-7585.cfm

magic57

Even if your nan has only got a one bedroom bungalow you could still go there. Sleep on the setee or on the floor if you have to at least for a few nights. Take care.

mary43

I have read through this and feel so sad for you.You must get yourself to a place of safety,whether its your nans, another relative or a friend. Then get to connexions as soon as poss,or contact shelter. There are hostels for young people of your age where you can have a room to yourself and someone will be around to make sure you're ok.
Maybe then your Dad will realise what he's put you through. No doubt he has his problems, with his Mum dying (grief can take time ) and he obviously isn't happy at work,hence the drink and his treatment of you.
A break away from him could make him see the light or maybe youve reached the stage when whatever you do it will make no difference and you have to go your own way. Just make sure you have as much support as is possible. It is available and good luck and god bless.

You've been given some good advice on here so at least you know there are people who will listen to you.

flowerscotland

aww hun I feel so bad for you, sending you lods of hugs.

I agree withe the others, is there anyone you can stay with ? Family or friends ? You cannot put up with this huni, your dad will destroy all your confidence, and he cannot keep speaking to you like this, its not on. You could put your name down for a council house, I know it will be difficult for you paying bills and running a house at such a young age, but unless you go this will continue.

Yes your dad has a problem, but until he admits it to himself, nothing will be done and he will continue, and it may not be until long after he has admitted it, he can bring himself to get help.

I went through similar things with my dad, he didnt drink, although his parents did and bullied him terribly when he was younger and now he doesnt have any contact, and he was very strict with us when we were younger, called me stupid, put me down, I would hate him so much, and cry all the time, I was very thin skinned so took evertything he would say to heart and get very upset, he used to ground me so I couldnt see my friends and boyfriend, he chucked me out of the house when I was 17 because I wouldnt go out with my mum, I wanted to go and see my boyfriend, and I ended up living with boyfriends parents, and it was the best thing he ever done.

It was tough, shortly after I got my own place, and it was very hard, but worth it all, we talk now, but he doesnt bully me anymore, I can stand up to him, he doesnt treat me badly the way he used to, he has accepted he has a problem, but its taken him years to do this.

I just wanted you to know I have gone through similar things, so i know how you are feeling, I really hope your dad admits to himself that he has a problem and stops bullying you, and you can get away from him.

ailuro2

I agree- if it a long term abuse thing, then your Dad is unlikely to be helped.You need to start making plans to move on...

Go back to your job and sort out the money thing- not sure what happened there, but you need money in your pocket for any emergencies. Explain you had family problems this weekend and promise not to stay off again. Having enough money hidden away with a friend in case you have to book into a hostel for a night or two will give you some peace of mind.

Getting out and seeing your friends will help get you away from the situation. If they give you a time to be in by, then make sure you stick to it and don't give them a chance to pick you up on being late.

Get your name on a few waiting lists for houses etc.

Best of luck

amerthyst

stockchick 16
Hi
WOW this is time it's not easy for any of you As you grow and learn you see and hear stuff that deep down inside you know is not right for you or your family so well done for having the wisdom to see this and turn to others for advice I don't know where your from but i do know what it's like for teen's like you who are going through family problems of bulling and intimidation where i am we have some where for the teens to go... I can recommend them as they have helped me help others that were in your situation they might even have a number/organisation similar to them in your area where you can get help
they are called YASP (young persons support project) they give advice... support and practical advice as most have been there an done that.!! they also help teens who have mental health problems they even provide a health drop in... for problems of health or low confidence..or just to vent your stuff at numptys who spoil your day.... at the bottom of the link page is a telephone number so you could talk to a member of the team( and don't be afraid talk to them like you have here ) so here is a link to them http://www.harp-project.org/projects/project_yasp_support.php
i hope this will help and feel free to vent any time here we try to help
so for now breath in deep and breath out s l o w l y and know that you will be free of this problem very soon

Firefly

Stokechick your first port of call needs to be Connexions. I'm not sure which will be your nearest office so I've selected the phone number for the one in Hanley: 01782 295300

They'll tell you who your own Connexions PA is, and which is your local office. You need to see him or her ASAP. You will be described as NEET, not in Education, Employment or Training so they should be doing everything possible to support you into one of these avenues. If that means supporting your other needs, then they'll do that too. But first of all, they need to know what help you need. You need to tell them.

They've got avenues into all areas of support, from counselling to accomodation if needs be. Give them a call in the morning. You need to be out doing something rather than at home. This will start to build your self esteem and confidence and enable you to start living your life as an independent young lady away from the family difficulties you have at the moment.

Connexions will be able to help you. Please call them.

bestpud

Do you have a Foyer near you? They help a lot of people your age find accomodation.

http://foyer.net/mpn/topic.php?topic=3

HennyPenny

First port of call for domestic violence would be DVU (Domestic Violence Unit) at your local police station. They will refer you to a refuge, womens aid or try to find bedspace in a safehouse run by a refuge.
Sometimes it takes partners leaving for these people to realise what they've done, however they don't often change.
If your mum won't leave with you, some places can take on young ladies on their own. There can be services available such as counselling, emotional support, help with going to college, claiming benefits etc but it isn't easy making that initial jump or living independantly. There is also the emotional wrench between you & your mum.
Furthermore, this is not a route I would take lightly.

He has no excuse for this behaviour. And quite frankly why should it be you or your mum moving out?

Barbiegirl_2

Gosh I can't believe how much your thread has been on my mind all day. I don't mean this in a nasty way I just feel so sad that this is going on. Please post when you are out of the house.....your life will get back on track but it will take time. If you could get a fulltime or part time job it would make renting a place somewhat easier. I wish you the best of luck and hope you are okay. x