problems at home - with dad

bestpud

Obviously, the relationship between you and your dad has broken down. Ultimately it is his responsibility as he has behaved badly and he is the adult.

That said though, it can be tough when teens start to answer back and you are clearly no stranger to speaking your mind!!

It sounds like he is being bullied at work (which is particularly demeaning for a man) and then is coming home and feeling he has no control in his own home either. That does not excuse him hitting you or your mum at all though and there is nothing to say he needs to be in control - I'm just trying to see things from his point of view. He seems to feel he has no control over his life at the moment and I suspect he feels you treat him as badly as you feel he treats you!

I suspect if you asked him, he would say he feels you hate him and that you have no respect for him, so whatever he does, he will still be a piece of $h1te in your eyes. Pretty much the same as you feel in fact!

Do you work at all? if not, how do you fill your day and where do you get money from?

I may be wrong here, but if you are not working full time and are not in education either, he may be resenting you being at home while he is out working, and getting bullied at the same time? If work is that intolerable, he has more than likely considered leaving. Obviously, the more commitments he has at home, the harder it will be for him to leave his job, or perhaps take another one with less pay.

Again, I want to stress I am not excusing his behaviour, but trying to suggest what may be happening, as knowledge can be helpful.

Is it possible you could take an evening job, or enroll on an evening college course, to improve your chance of 'getting away' and also get you out of the house when your dad is coming home from work (a conflict point by the look of it)?

Overall though, it seems you are all suffering right now and, as you cannot change his behaviour, your only course of action is to make changes where you can. Maybe avoiding the obvious points of conflict is a starting point?

Barbiegirl_2

Hi again,

Could you let us know what sort of job your father does? If he is being spoken to like rubbish at work why is this? Already said it's not fair for him to take his frustrations out on you....when you move out you will feel a sense of peace : ).

Good luck.

shell_girl

Hi hun,

I don't agree at all with the posters that have said that you made things worse by talking to his family about it. Domestic abuse happens because people don't talk about it, and keep the secret. If your dad was doing nothing wrong then why would there be a problem with you talking about his behaviour?

Talk and keep talking- nothing will change if people don't know what's happening. Nobody should have to live in fear. How well do you get on with other members of your family? Is there an aunt, uncle or grandparent that you could go and stay with for a while?

You've been really brave carrying this on your own for so long, but it's time to get you some support. Try ringing one of the helplines that are in my signature- the're totally free and confidential. They will be a listening ear and will give you some information about how to cope and how to keep yourself safe. The numbers won't show up on landline bills, and you can call them free from most mobile networks.

Keep posting on here if you can xx

ailuro2

I'd like to point out that I didn't say it was bad to talk to family, but that it exacerbated the problem by calling him f***ed up!

spidyem_frued

hello- just to post that if you get to the end of your tether...which sounds like you are- there are some places you could go- in my local town it is the YMCA-( not the type for backpackers- but foyer stlye- just be aware the age limit as some are more adult) I do nights there for young people your age- and it is pretty good and supportive or their is also- girls friendly...Connexxions is great to start with- also check out NIghtstop- some towns have them..they offer a 'breathing space' from the family home, usually for the night or two. which can make abig difference. Hope it helps...just remember you do have choice even it feels like your treading teacle. Spids

magic57

Poor poor you. Sending a big hug.

Nobody should have to put up with this kind of bullying especially if it is from a parent. I'm glad you are going to speak to Connexions. In the meantime can you stay with a friend or relative for a few days to get away from him. I hate to think of you crying so much. You are not the problem here. He is the adult and the problem lies with him. It sounds drink related but that is no excuse. If he hits you again go to the police.

stokechick16

My dad is kind of a scaffolder. Well he’s a laborer and his mum died 6 years ago this year august 19th 1 day before my birthday.

My dad has no respect for me. Last year I used to hang around with a friend about 3/4 nights a week. And for no reason what so ever he grounded me, took my phone off me and called me a dirty !!!!ing slag - please excuse my language. And now because I don’t go out as much as my one main friend as moved in with her dead, I need get a !!!!ing life and get some friends - that was his words to me.

I cannot cope anymore. All my family knows he used to hit my mum. I have seen it from since I can remember about 5 onwards. I and my dad are not close at all, never have been.

I used to be scared of my dad. For example in February I went hospital as I used to keep getting really bad stomach pains, like a burning sensation in my tummy, hips and belly. And you had to do a wee test - because I did not need go the the toilet (I think it was because I was under pressure silly as it sounds). So my mum stormed off I at to chase her and she rang my dad. And I got accused of being pregnant and he said to me if you’re !!!!ing pregnant you won’t know what’s hit you and when we get home you'll be !!!!ed off and your bags with you, that were his words.

I cannot stop crying because I have had enough. He spoke to me for the first time today, and he spoke to me like a piece of DIRT again I at to hold my tears back and look away.

I went college last year for 3 weeks, did not like it as I think I said. And I did start a weekend job last week. But I have not gone in due to wages being missed paid (I think) I am not saying they messed with my wages though. And my family stuff at home.

My mum said last night he was getting kicked out today, but no, she goes on like nothing has happened. And says I am to blame for it all. She also said one of us need to go ( me or my dad) and because of this I am getting accused of kicking him out of his own house (its council rented) so not owned. And I have not said am going to kick him out, I would not even try. And he said he is not being told what to do by a !!!!ing kid. I told my mum I am going connexions tomorrow, she was really !!!!!y with me and said "what they going do find you a house" I don’t expect a house as am only 16, not got a kid etc. But I would like somewhere to stay, and I won’t give up easily because I have had enough of it. I have been putting this off for months now and I cannot cope. If I had the guts I can truly say I would of took an over dose or something.

I cannot stop crying because of him because I cannot stand him. When I eventually move out I do not want anything to do with him afterwards.

I used to be scared of my dad. But now I am not. Because if worse comes to worse, 1, he could hit me - I will go to the police. And 2, he could kick me out. Ill have to walk my nans but she lives in a one bed roomed bungalow which would be hard to stay there the night.

I know am only 16, but I don’t think this is fair how my dad is treating me. I got bullied at school from year 3 - year 11. Thank you sooo much for the replies. Xx

stokechick16

Also about my dads past - hitting my mum.

All my family know/knew years ago. He once got really drunk and threatend my nan, both my grandads. And they have seen him hit her outside too. And when in the past he has hit her, my mum would go my nans ( her mums) but as she now lives in a bungalow, she cannot.

LillyJ

stokechick16 wrote: »

Also about my dads past - hitting my mum.

All my family know/knew years ago. He once got really drunk and threatend my nan, both my grandads. And they have seen him hit her outside too. And when in the past he has hit her, my mum would go my nans ( her mums) but as she now lives in a bungalow, she cannot.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get you and your mum some help. You and her need to leave ASAP and go to a refuge or something. She (and you) have been victims of domestic violence and that is NOT ON.

Leave and take your mum with you. Don't leave her on her own. She may only be carrying on as she is for you.

teaonshirt

sorry to hear about your problems with your sdad if you and your mum lived closer to me and my wife you would have been more than welcome to come and stay at our house for a while me and my wife have plenty of spare room you need to get away from him so he reallises what he is missing hope he comes to his sences soon