dads g/f wont give us his stuff

margaretclare

ForDad wrote: »

so what if i want money why should she get it shes not his family we are. btw im female and im 23 so all you know alls were wrong

"So what? If I want money, why should she get it? She's not his family. We are. By the way, I'm female and I'm 23. So all you know-alls were wrong!"

Sorry, couldn't resist punctuating and capitalising.

Wrong on all counts. There IS no money, so whether you want it or not, you can't have it.

Yes, she is his family. She is the family your late father chose. She was his fiancee, his betrothed bride-to-be. They would have been legally-wed but for his untimely and sad demise.

Someone said the lady's only mistake was not to have married him. I can understand possibly why they weren't yet married, even though they'd been together for a decade. Someone coming out of a divorce, which may have been bitter and acrimonious, may not be able to face going straight back into the state of matrimony. My husband was like that. His divorce was made final in the summer of 1999 and I wanted to be married that autumn. He couldn't face it. Eventually he came round to the idea 'for all the right reasons' as he put it, and I lost no time in getting him to the altar, January 2002.

chickadee

Thank you MargaretClare for bringing such a sense of decency to this thread. I feel that the world would be a better place if there were more people in it like you than the OP.

Your comments are those of an entirely reasonable, sensible, thoroughly decent person. :A (And you know how to write English!)

meester

margaretclare wrote: »

Oooops. Just re-read some of this. It would appear that the OP has had 2 children which have now been taken into care. She blames her late father for 'setting her up to fail'. Rubbish.

Well there could be some truth in her statement. Plenty of people in this country grow up in an amoral vacuum without any sense of right or wrong. You don't get to think like the OP without some extremely bad parenting quite frankly. I don't know how you intend to impress upon such a person a sense of basic human decency when clearly thus far in life they have had neither need for nor exposure to one. It's rather difficult for normal decent people to comprehend the 'Sharon Matthews'-type world such people populate. I cannot relate to any part of the OP's sordid world of children being taken into care, filming bodies, functional illiteracy, and general lack of moral compass on any level.

Evidently there's little incentive to not be scummy, and to maintain any kind of work ethic when the welfare state will provide.

beer_tins

OP, give up. It sounds like your Dad and his partner made an agreement to each let the surviving partner get the whole house in the event of the other's death. If the house is paid off through a life assurance policy (it might not be paid off, if there was no such policy), she is entitled to the insurance payout which effectively pays of the house. This has nothing to do with your father's estate. I have exactly this kind of legal agreement and life assurance arrangement with my fiancee.

As for your fathers estate, there is nothing there. Nada. Zilch. Get used to it. If there is nothing in his estate then nobody will get anything from it. Where would it come from? You are lucky that debts are wiped out on death in this country (once his estate has paid what it can) or you would have to take on some of his debts. So forget about his money.

As for his "stuff", I'm sure if you change your attitude and actually want anything for emotional reasons (which I doubt), you can to come to an arrangement with your Dad's partner. You certainly don't have the right to barge in there and demand things.

Finally, it sounds like you have a lot of issues. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you need to deal with these, maybe with the help of counselling. My own guess is you were affected by the break up of your parents and went off the rails. You blamed your parents break-up on your father, only hearing your mother's side of the story (my parents broke up too, there are always two sides). So everything that went wrong from there you blamed on your father and expected him to fix, e.g. you got pregnant and expected him to look after your baby. You have a huge sense of resentment and of entitlement, mainly of him. Does any of this ring true with you in any way? I am not having a go at you. If you are a genuine poster and not a WUM, you need to move on from this, deal with your demons and get your life back on track.

Good luck.

Curv

What's a 'WUM'?

cake21

Curv wrote: »

What's a 'WUM'?

Wind Up Merchant? I'm guessing

Love your signature by the way :rotfl:

margaretclare

Curv wrote: »

What's a 'WUM'?

Wind-up merchant. A person attempting to 'have us on'.

HTH

cake21

beinerts wrote: »

Finally, it sounds like you have a lot of issues. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you need to deal with these, maybe with the help of counselling. My own guess is you were affected by the break up of your parents and went off the rails. You blamed your parents break-up on your father, only hearing your mother's side of the story (my parents broke up too, there are always two sides). So everything that went wrong from there you blamed on your father and expected him to fix, e.g. you got pregnant and expected him to look after your baby. You have a huge sense of resentment and of entitlement, mainly of him. Does any of this ring true with you in any way. I am not having a go at you. If you are a genuine poster and not a WUM, you need to move on from this, deal with your demons and get your life back on track.

Good luck.

Well said beinerts, what I was thinking but not as able to put into words

margaretclare

.....and also, for what it's worth, I am, or was, an illegitimate child who, without devoted grandparents, would also have been placed into what passed for 'care' in my childhood. But the whole family worked hard and brought me up with strong values, which have served me well for many years. Thank you very much, chickadee, for those kind words about me.

On behalf of the deceased father, I just resent those words 'he set me up to fail'. He did no such thing. You had a roof over your head, and that's a starting point. There's all kinds of furnishing and home equipment available through things like Freecycle. There are items of furniture thrown out, you see them in skips. Most of us started with very little and gradually built things up.

beer_tins

margaretclare wrote: »

Wind-up merchant. A person attempting to 'have us on'.

HTH

Thanks. Should have been clearer! Not everyone understands forum abbreviations.