Not just about the money...

completelyspent

Thanks calculatethis-I appeciate your post a lot and I know from where you've posted elsewhere you are having an immensely tough time at the moment.

I think people (including myself) can have a warped perception of what a drinker is. Doing research I've found that most drinkers have a drink of choice-not just anything they can get their hands on. The person in my life is starting to cut back on both cigarettes and alcohol (they've had a few abortive attempts on giving up the cigarettes-one for several months-I know it isn't easy) and I will encourage and be supportive for so long..but not indefinitely.

floss2

The other thing to remember about drinking wine is that the stuff we all knocked back when younger wasn't as strong then, generally about 10%....now your average bottle is 12-12.5%, with quite a few brands like Gallo, Banrock Station or Lindemans being 13.5%. That may not seem a lot, but is actually an increase of roughly 25% in strength.

And a bottle & a half, roughly 1.1 litre, of 12% wine = 13.5 units. The recommended guidelines are 2-3 units or less a day for a woman or 3-4 units for a man. So your OH is consuming over 4 times more units PER DAY than guidelines suggest.

I would suggest maybe asking them to go to their GP for advice & help.

completelyspent

He isn't drinking that much everyday and the past couple of weeks he hasn't drank on two or three days. I think it is a habit that has steadily built up and hope he can start nipping in the bud. I think he is taking heed but it is partly being hampered by the friends he has who mainly all drink quite heavily or smoke-it's easy to justify behaviour when others are behaving in a similar way. I have started to try and suggest other activities as well. Drinking does have a demotivating affect to doing other stuff.

floss2

completelyspent wrote: »

He isn't drinking that much everyday and the past couple of weeks he hasn't drank on two or three days. I think it is a habit that has steadily built up and hope he can start nipping in the bud. I think he is taking heed but it is partly being hampered by the friends he has who mainly all drink quite heavily or smoke-it's easy to justify behaviour when others are behaving in a similar way. I have started to try and suggest other activities as well. Drinking does have a demotivating affect to doing other stuff.

But out of say 14 days, he HAS drunk on at least 10 days, maybe a bottle on average rather than 1 and a half bottles? That is still 90 units over 14 days.....which is just under 6.5 units a day.

I'm sorry to go on about it, but I think speaking to his GP may help - if only to have the medical possibilites spelt out & for the help that is available to support him as he cuts down.

I know it won't be easy for him or for you, and I guess he won't start to cut down until HE wants to & has made the decision himself.

calculatethis

Hi, I just re-read what I wrote yesterday and I feel awful, I didn't want to depress you!!

"Catch" him whilst he is young though, don't let it go years and years like me!! If you can (gently) get him to change his habits now it will be great. It does sound like it is more habit than a serious problem that he has.

I felt guilty with my husband, because in my 20s I used to be as "bad" as him.....we both smoked, drank regularly, went out, had fun, just like everyone else our age. But when I had my little girl (we had both given up smoking by this point) I just cut right back on drinking and it was at this point I noticed that he was having problems.

Your ideas about doing alternative stuff sound good..if you can do this without nagging,..I just get accused of being a nagging cow by my hisband, but things have gone too far with us....and try and get him to spend less time with his drinking pals!

Good luck!

completelyspent

Under his new regime (as he started cutting down last week and this) it works out he has drunk on 9/14 which is an improvement. The times when I have been with him that I recall what he drank he had a pint and half of ale and then a bottle of red, and last Saturday a bottle and a half of red. TBH I don't recall ever being with him and him not having a drink-that's nto to say it has been excessive..sometimes just a pint or two. I do believe he hasn't been drinking on the days he says he hasn't and I'm not there because I can tell in his voice when he has had a drink and I speak to him late at night.

Oldernotwiser

completelyspent wrote: »

Under his new regime (as he started cutting down last week and this) it works out he has drunk on 9/14 which is an improvement. The times when I have been with him that I recall what he drank he had a pint and half of ale and then a bottle of red, and last Saturday a bottle and a half of red. TBH I don't recall ever being with him and him not having a drink-that's nto to say it has been excessive..sometimes just a pint or two. I do believe he hasn't been drinking on the days he says he hasn't and I'm not there because I can tell in his voice when he has had a drink and I speak to him late at night.

This sounds too much of a coincidence to me; you want him to cut down on his drinking but he just happens not to be drinking on the nights he doesn't see you. Presumably these nights are spent with his friends who do smoke and drink. Do you really believe that?

Mips

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

This sounds too much of a coincidence to me; you want him to cut down on his drinking but he just happens not to be drinking on the nights he doesn't see you. Presumably these nights are spent with his friends who do smoke and drink. Do you really believe that?

Why don't you stop him drinking the nights he IS with you?

And sitting in the pub with him is tempting!

I always found that when you take the Pub out of the relationship, most couples wont stick together anyways.

I am thankful that both me and hubby knocked this habit out at the same time, and now we never go to pubs.

completelyspent

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

This sounds too much of a coincidence to me; you want him to cut down on his drinking but he just happens not to be drinking on the nights he doesn't see you. Presumably these nights are spent with his friends who do smoke and drink. Do you really believe that?

I do believe him-these are the nights he stays in and he does say if he has a drink at home. I think he perhaps needs to find stuff to replace drinking with and as this is early days it is going to take time to build that up.
I won't make excuses if I think he isn't showing signs of changes his behaviour though...life is too short for that.

completelyspent

Dippychick wrote: »

Why don't you stop him drinking the nights he IS with you?

And sitting in the pub with him is tempting!

I always found that when you take the Pub out of the relationship, most couples wont stick together anyways.

I am thankful that both me and hubby knocked this habit out at the same time, and now we never go to pubs.

Over the last three years I've cut down my drinking to a very small amount and in the last three weeks I haven't drunk at all as I don't want to encourage him to drink. We rarely go to the pub-it's drinking at home that is the issue. I have suggested a trip to a museum and walks etc as alternatives, I haven't got any wine in the house so if he wants it he has to buy it himself. I'm not going to take any wine off him and tell him to stop..I've told him how I feel about his drinking and it is down to him to want to stop.