How long to leave it before having children?

pdoff

i am 30 with a 3 year old & 1 about to be dropped in november / december. everyone feels differently. i think your circumstances are more important than your age. you need the right man for a start who will stand by you when you are feeling fat, frumpy & tired & will help you with baby, instead of still doing his own thing & leaving u at home with baby on your own. as for money, u r a moneysaver so u will cope! babies need love & attention a lot more than they need things. as long as they are fed, clean & warm they will cope without the latest toys & things. there are threads on here about saving money with babies & kids. whatever u decide u will be fine & when they smile at you or say they love you it will make any sacrifices u have made worthwhile. good luck!

Murtle

I always wanted to have children before I was 30, this hasn't happened and now I no longer have maternal urge to want children like I did before.

It has left a big gap to fill, as I'm not too sure what my purpose is all about now. I emjoy my work, but have no long term goals there either!!!

Ah well, such is life I guess.

Good luck in your choices!!!

Savvy_Sue

sooperlooper wrote:

Thanks for replying

Yeh, it's a tricky one! How long should you give it before you know whether it is or isn't the right one? Obviously sometimes you know instantly - but what what if you don't? What if it doesn't feel wrong as such - but you're not sure if they're 'the One'?

I've attempted to ask the bf about how he feels about his mum - it's hard because they have a difficult relationship. She can be quite hurtful towards him, hence he puts up this barrier of 'well, it's just her - she's like that'. He's accepted her behaviour far better than i ever could!!! :mad:
She even refuses to come to Britain and see where he's living, the life he's made here, his job, etc. He doesn't think this will ever change, even if he never goes back to canada. He still sticks up for her, despite the fact she obviously hurts him so much.

I've asked my friends and family for advice about our relationship too but they've been great. They've been extremely supportive but they've tried hard not to take sides and see it from both points of view. They all understand how difficult it is and that ultimately it has to be my decision. And above all that, they've all been amazingly willing to be on the end of a phone at all hours and let me vent it all!

Surely that's what any good mother/friend should do - why can't his be the same?

Somehow I missed this post when replying to another of yours. Since my reply is pretty much off topic I'll pm you!

rozeepozee

I've followed this thread with interest, yet shied away from a reply because I felt for me the subject is a bit too private to discuss on a moneysavings forum, but I've decided I'll take the plunge and give another perspective.

I'm coming up to 37 and have always been first uninclined to have children and then, when I met my current partner, a bit broody, but that seems to have worn off now and I'm back to thinking I probably don't want kids. My life would have been so different had I taken the plunge earlier, I've had my own business which I worked in all the hours and wouldn't have been able to build so successfully if I'd have had a child/ren. Then I retired from this business at 32 and have travelled loads, lived abroad, went back to Uni last year to study for the pleasure of the subject and next year plan some more travelling. My friends have got beautiful children and I can see how much joy they can give, but I don't have that maternal drive and I have such a fulfilling life and lovely partner, that I don't miss what I've never had.

I know that I'm probably getting to the stage where if I don't get pregnant I won't have the choice anymore and that's a risk that I've decided to take. Having said that, if I got pregnant, I wouldn't be unhappy, just that my [our!]life would have to be very different from what I'm planning for the next few years.

skintchick

I feel similarly. I am 30, been single for eight years nearly, and have never had many maternal feelings. But now I feel time is running out, as realistically even if I meet Mr Right tomorrow, it will be a couple of years before we get to the having kids stage, by which time I will be nearly 33, am on depo provera so will then have to come off it, fetility takes a year to come back, if I have any, that's 34, then a year to conceive, that's 35, but fertility plummets after 35.....so I probably won't ever have them. Just as well I'm not sure I want them then isn't it?

I think, OP, that I would just get on and have them, as you'll never be able to afford them, and what if you have fertility problems? We are designed to have babies in our late teens, early 20s, so if you leave it till you're my age, you're playing Russian Roulette. If you can face a future without kids, fine, take the chance, otherwise, I'm not sure I'd risk it.

blushred2

i am 38 and would love to have children, but fear i have left it to late.
I have a lovely bofriend and as much as i love him, i know that children are not top of his priorities ( he is 9 years younger than me).
i have recently finished paying off a debt and this has left me literally with no savings and living in rented accomadation with no hope of ever buying.
sometimes i get really upset at the thought of being childless ( usually just when my period has arrived). but u have to think of the good things in life.

Matthew2005

Go to https://www.howlongtoleaveittohavechildren.co.uk simply type in your age shoe size and gender and a sophisticated piece of software calculates the correct age, simple. My wife tried it and we have to wait until she is 79 until we try to concieve, by which time everything will have prolapsed and my sperm count will be about 6 per go.

rozeepozee

Matthew, It surprises me that you've managed to find yourself a wife when you're in such obvious need of a sensitivity transplant.

Whoops, Matthew, just read some of your other posts and I'm obviously in need of a sense of humour transplant... sorry!