How long to leave it before having children?

Jay-Jay_4

The time is never 'right' but you'll know yourself when you need to have a baby.

Broodiness creeps up on you and there's nothing you can do to stop thinking about it.....which is great because then big houses, careers and luxuries will pale into insignificance as you become more and more keen on the idea of being pregnant. The downside is that lots of women take a long time to conceive but by the time they've realised this they're past being keen and are desperate to concieve.

I don't want to sound negative, I think you're really sensible to be planning so well, I just know a LOT of people who are TTC (trying to concieve), both naturally and through IVF..... and watching their heartache as they count every day that passes, then weeks, then years............ makes me so glad that I started my family at 24yrs old.

Ted_Hutchinson

Increasing maternal age is independently associated with specific adverse pregnancy outcomes. Increasing age is a continuum rather than a threshold effect.

Older maternal age is associated with relatively higher risks of perinatal mortality/morbidity, although the absolute rate of such outcomes is low.

Young(14-19) and advanced (35-40) maternal ages are associated with different types of birth defects.
So Best age mums for babies appears to be 25-29 years old.

Zziggi

Ted_Hutchinson wrote:

So Best age mums for babies appears to be 25-29 years old.

I was 27 with no.1, 28 with no.2 and 29 with no.3.

When i was in hospital with no.1 i was the second oldest woman there. The oldest woman was 31 and having triplets after already having 4 kids :eek: I was the oldest first-time mum by a long way. I think the second oldest first-time mum was 20. Most women (dare i say girls) on the ward were aged 15-18. I felt old but it was the right time for me.

Milky_Mocha

Zziggi wrote:

I was 27 with no.1, 28 with no.2 and 29 with no.3.

When i was in hospital with no.1 i was the second oldest woman there. The oldest woman was 31 and having triplets after already having 4 kids :eek: I was the oldest first-time mum by a long way. I think the second oldest first-time mum was 20. Most women (dare i say girls) on the ward were aged 15-18. I felt old but it was the right time for me.

Yikes! Which town do you live in, Zziggi?

Milky_Mocha

Saraht, reading your post (op) was like reading my diary. In fact I've posted the same question on here before (just slightly different words) and got some really useful replies.

I too felt I would like to establish my career before having kids but I hadn't even thought it out as properly as you.

I did want to establish my career to a point where I get full maternity pay for a few months rather than statutory pay. Wanted to feel like I've used my degree to the full. But also I felt that even if I'd had my kids before 24 I wouldn't truly consider myself 'still young enough to enjoy life' when they are older. I didn't really want to wait until my mid to late thirties before clubbing, partying and going on spontaneous holidays. I might not be as bold to wear a bikini then without working out 4 times a week. Unlike some lucky women I have to work out a lot to maintain my figure and just know that after having kids it could become a real struggle. I didn't want to have to plan my holidays during the most expensive season when kids are on holiday. In fact I pretty much didn't want to think about anyone except myself and DH.

I still feel that way but because I know I do want kids for sure at some stage and my career has reached the point I'm happy with I suppose, we've decided to put our selfishness aside and start trying for kids from next year. No-one regrets having kids I don't think. Not even if they are very poor. Mother nature has made it that way or else the world would be seriously underpopulated. So we've thrown our cares away for now and decided next year we'll start to seriously think about it. If it then delays for a couple more years after that then so be it but we do want kids at some point.

If you're not ready don't do it because the time has got to be right in your minds.

summerday

Thanks to all who have replied so far. Misty, I really do feel that now isn't the right time and I guess I have a personal reason for wanting to retrain in a career first- my parents separated when I was 14 and had 2 younger sisters. Mum had been a SAHM up to then but because she had a nursing qualification she was able to quickly find a job which her professional qualification meant she would get a guaranteed minimum income for, and while I realise nursing doesn't pay mega bucks it's a lot better than minimum wage. So I feel I would like to have a professional qualification so that I can provide for my children on my own should something awful happen to my partner/ we split up. I'm not saying that everyone should do this, it is probably due to my own experience and hope no-one criticises me for it because I feel I need to do it.

Lots of you have made valid points such as there's never the perfect time to have children- I'm sure your right, and I bet that one day my hormones will kick in big time and the rest won't matter. But until they do kick in I guess I'm just trying to plan things as best I can. Thanks for those stats Ted, I guess it is a bit more risky waiting till your 30s in terms of birth defects so for this reason I don't think I'd leave it past 31/32 at the latest to try for the 1st.

One other thing- I have some student loans outstanding that I am saving up to pay off as soon as I can, or at least keep the balance in a savings account so that I know I would be able to pay them off. I definitely wouldn't want to start a family with debt round my neck (other than mortgage) if I could help it esp as I would like to give up work for a few years.

I would welcome more posts on the subject, I do change my mind (with partner of course!) from time to time based on new information and stories from other people so it does all help!

thanks, Sarah.

Counting_Pennies_2

I haven't had a chance to read the other replies, but I just wanted to put my view point in.

I spent a good deal of my 20s constantly thinking about when will be the right time to have a child, if i would be able to conceive and planning our lives around the eventual time of having a baby.

I now have my adorable little boy, I had him just before my 29th birthday.

What I know now is that we could probably have waited another year and enjoyed our lives to the full before we had him.

I, like yourself, studied really hard for my career and moved up the housing ladder. My husband and I have been together for 9 years and the last 5 years before we had our baby had been spent with us both studying really hard for MBAs and other qualifications to get on in our careers. I took my final exam a week before I had my baby (even scheduled my C-section in around the exam (breach baby!) after 5 years study I was going to miss my final exams by the suggested c-section date of 36 weeks, so moved it on by another 7 days!!)

Once you have a child, your life is never the same. You can no longer be selfish about your own lives, baby comes first and your needs tend to be a second, (or third after husband!)

All I want to get across is, to plan your future together, and dream of those babies, but make sure you enjoy your life before baby comes along. Study hard, get that house of your dreams, but play hard and get out there and do all those things you want to do and then have baby.

I am now a SAHM (with occasional work assignments) and wouldn't change my little man, or the lovely experiences we have had over the last 18 months, but I would have had another 6 months or so before I had him letting my hair down and having a bit more fun after all my study.

Enjoy the fun of living now and planning for the future baby.

Iona_Penny

Oh saraht you sound so sensible and eveything is planned out which of course is important to be financially as secure as possible.
Counting_pennies says she would have had another six months to let her hair down! sometimes I worry that people really do want it all, and then some.

I knew even 18 yrs ago I could not be a full time sahm but planned to work the minimum I could to get by, so when tried to get pregnant and did I thought plan on track, but then I had a miscarriage followed by another and became distraught over a period of months ( you have no idea yet what a maternal body clock feels like then?)

It all worked out well in the end and I have two kids (v. traumatic births but thats a tale for another day ) but I was 26 when I started. I am not suggesting expecting trouble but decide what your priorities in life are. I would not change one minute of motherhood for a single second of ME time.

Happy planning

Iona_Penny

P.S. there's no such thing as the 'quality time' with the kids myth

Its All quality time and I find it hard to sympathise with those (note) who choose to work full time.

Quackers

Good Luck Sarah with whatever path you take.

I had my first child at 19 in 1992. Not by choice - I was on the pill when I fell pregnant. I had no intention of becoming a mum - the thought hadn't entered my mind when I fell pregnant. I had only been with my then partner for about 6 months. Baby no 2 was planned and born in 1994. Well, I didn't want a huge gap in between them did I?

I adore my 2 girls, but am not ashamed to admit another couple of years as a couple would have been nice - but not necessary - we're still together and very happy. We are looking forward to 'still being young & having fun' when our girls are older