How long to leave it before having children?

Quackers

Iona_Penny wrote:

P.S. there's no such thing as the 'quality time' with the kids myth

Its All quality time and I find it hard to sympathise with those (note) who choose to work full time.

I'm all of a muddle - what has working full time and being a parent got to do with this thread?

Do people who choose to work full time need your sympathy? Or am I reading this incorrectly?

Quackers

Iona_Penny wrote:

Counting_pennies says she would have had another six months to let her hair down! sometimes I worry that people really do want it all, and then some.

I think counting pennies is just doing what most of us do.

'If I could have my time again......'

Dont we all do that at various times in our life? I do

Iona_Penny

No I have never done that where my children are concerned but that's only me and my opinion.

I really am just trying to say that we feel we we can plan to the nth degree everything in the 21st century and as recent events have shown us that isn't always so, and just reminding Sarah of this.

Not trying to be pious in any way, sorry, just we sometimes talk about the most precious things we will ever have like planning a holiday.

Quackers

Iona_Penny wrote:

No I have never done that where my children are concerned but that's only me and my opinion.

Have you never wondered if a decision you made with your childrens lives were the right ones? I mean in discipline/rules/how you bring them up? I know this is a bit off track but I'm curious - no offence intended.

I occasionally wonder how different things would be if we'd have made different decisions as our children grew up. Am I making sense?

mows

We didn't start trying for a baby until i was 37 (partner had to wait 2 yrs to have vasectomy reversed on NHS - longish story).
anyway, i got pregnant within a few months, had a wonderful pregnancy and gave birth no problem (although did accept some syntocinon as midwife felt things needed hurrying up abit).
Baby healthy and completely wonderful.
Am now pregnant with second baby due in december - no problem concieving only a few months after baby number 1.
I went self employed after the birth of my daughter, so that i could work and still be a SAHM - it worked well for me being fairly advanced in my career, as i don't think i would have had enough experience to get the work in if i had gone self employed when i was younger. I realise that I have been very lucky re: quick conception, healthy baby etc, but just wanted to post so people realise that it isn't all downhill the wrong side of 35!
Wishing you all the best with whatever choice you make.
Mows

Counting_Pennies_2

Iona_Penny wrote:

Counting_pennies says she would have had another six months to let her hair down! sometimes I worry that people really do want it all, and then some.

I'm not sure if you misquote me on this. The thread asked for what other people thought, and I think if I had my time again I would have had another 6 months of couple time having fun with one another after all our years of study. I have a family medical condition that means we may not have been able to have children, and I wanted to try as soon as possible just in case.

I am trying to get across, that yes plan for baby, but if you are going to fit in hard graft in terms of studying, working hard for getting a house, etc that it is important to factor in your fun time too, when you have a baby it is hard work, and I think it is important to recognise that. I think it is a bit harsh saying I want it all, isn't there just one life and isn't it about choices that suit you.

I am by no means a full-time working mother, I fit in about 10 hours work a week in order for my child to enjoy time playing with other children at the childminders (who is a friend) and for me to have a break. It is all about balance and I feel I am as close to it for my entire family as I can be.

This thread is asking for personal opinions to a point of view and that is what I gave, I don't think it appropriate to berate someone for their personal, and heart felt decisions.

Iona_Penny

So sorry, I never intended offence to anyone, nor did I feel I was berating anyone.
Absolutely right, it's each individuals choice. No more posts from me on this thread!

katskorner

I had my first baby at 29 (well nearly 30 actually as he came 2 weeks before my birthday!).

The whole time I didn't feel ready even though I wanted children. I am a good few years younger than my husband and still wanted to go out and stuff more than him. I missed my gym stuff during pregnancy and didn't like that change at all but looking back I didn't have a choice.

Now I have my son I know it is the best thing I ever did in my life. He is everything to us. We simply adore him and at 22 months he is so much fun! I am now pregnant with number 2 - wanted more than one so we may as well have them close together. Once they go to school, then I can go back to work if I like but in the meantime I may forge ahead with a fledgling business I am starting. My kids come first but I do remember I am a person too and I am now back at the gym (taking it easy and not getting annoyed this time round!).

I have a friend the same age and she is 'not done playing yet' although she wants kids. She does know that at 32 in a couple of months she needs to keep it in mind but keeps putting it off. So long as she doesn't leave it too late!

Above all - my son has enriched my life more than I thought was possible so me not feeling ready was simply nerves!

Go for it!

katskorner

saraht wrote:

Hi,

I realise this is a very personal and subjective question, but I welcome all views.

I am 25 and know that I definitely want children one day, probably 2, partner feels the same. Now isn't the right time for us because I hope to re-train for another career, hopefully to start a course in Sept 2006 or 2007. Then I would hope to work in the new career for a year or 2 to get used to it before starting a family.

Also, we bought our first house last year and are happy here, but the plan is to hopefully qualify for a mortgage for a bigger house when I have been working in my new career for a couple of years and OH will be on a bit better money than now. If we waited till we had a child and I was a SAHM it might be unlikely that we would qualify for a bigger mortgage on just my partner's salary (although I hasten to add we wouldn't be silly enough to apply for a mortage bigger than we could manage, the one we have at the moment is based on both our salaries but we are very sensible and quite frugal with our money so technically could manage all our outgoings on just one of our salaries). So we would apply for the mortgage on a bigger house while I am working full time in my new career, just before we start trying for first baby.

So that's the plan, but I guess I am thinking of waiting until I am 31 or 32 before trying for our first baby. There isn't a history of women having problems conceiving in our family, but I don't know how quickly womens fertility drops when they're into their 30s. Also I don't know what the rules are on IVF in terms of age/ how long you've been trying.

If anyone can offer any advice or suggestions, or tell me their own stories about waiting till their 30s before trying for 1st baby I would love to hear it! I know this may sound very planned and being worked around our financial situation but I definitely want children one day and would be heartbroken if I couldn't.

Sarah.x

Sarah - I just want you to know that it needs to be when you want it - I never felt ready - see my post above - and now I have 1.3 children..

I do have a friend the same age as you who is OBSESSED with getting pregnant right now. She wants it so badly that it hurts. She is trying to plan it all to perfection and has not yet realised that it just does not work like that. Forget charts, ovulation kits and all that jazz. She needs to relax, lay back (excuse the pun!!!) and let it happen. Only then is she going to get this much needed wanted craved for baby. Ten months of precision planning hasn't helped! (Although when she does, I am wondering what the next big plan will be... hopefully take life as it comes but somehow I can't see it!)

I was lucky - I conceived my two within record time - but then again, I didn't worry about it!

When you are ready girl - even if you are not!!!

Matthew2005

I would say around the 16th of June 2011.