Needing a major vent!

kittiej

Aw I feel really sorry for you Sammy.

We all know you do your best, he just sounds like a gobsheite.

Would it be possible to get some time off work so you can sort yourself out?

What do you think your life would be like without this man?

It would probably be like a breath of fresh air!

Tbh I would be tempted to phone the local scrappies and tell them you've got a load of metal if they want it just to teach him a lesson.

Could you change your hours in work so that you could get childcare?

Failing this could you get another job with better hours?

At 23 you don't need this, you deserve better.

Best of luck with everything xx

Squiggly_Diddly

Oh Sammy,

((((((hugs)))))) first...

Who does he think he is???? What on earth gives him the right to treat you like that? I know how good an OSer you are too and how hard you work at everything - it sounds like he is on for a free ride pretty much. It doesn't sound like he respects you in the slightest, let alone love or care for you. Sounds like you're just the housekeeper. I am not you, and can't tell you what to do, but I wouldn't be staying with someone that spoke to me like that (especially when it's not a one-off....). What happens on the day when something else triggers more anger & he flips and maybe hits you??

I was going to add a post saying I remember you posting a thread like this before - and then saw Rachie & Zara had done the same. As others have said do you really want to spend the next 5/10/15/20 years of your life like this?? It doesn't sound like anything will ever change Tell him to go to the mate's - wasn't the flat tenancy in your name only anyway?? But don't you walk away from the flat - that is your children's home.

I'm a single parent with 3 kids, studying f/t at University, and also work p/t (luckily typing at home) - and believe me it can be done. I also think you are so determined & organised you would be fine.

As regards work - it depends on the situation with regards to childcare - could you have a couple of weeks off sick with stress if needed, so that you are still paid & employed, but have a chance to get arrangements sorted out?
Also, if you still manage to do some work, that will get you out of the house & meeting people still

xxx

sammy_kaye18

Hi Pink pig

the debt things - he is a very personal person whereas I am very shy and quiet but I do tell him everything. He has never opened up really. I knew he'd asked for telephone numbers of them last week but i thought that was to do repayments and like ive always told him 'if you dont tell me then i wont know'. He doesnt open up though or tell me anythign adn every few months i get a text saying 'im staying at XYZ house' and when its questioned he always takes it back to the fact that he suffers from depression yet he wont go to the doctor or take medication for it so its his own bloody fault as far as im concerned - the helps there he just wont take it.

Also with regards to the job, Ive moved to an area where i know no-one - ive been here 4 years almost and to be honest have never been happy here infact utterly miserable is probably a better way of saying it. I know literally his mum and sister. If me and him broke up Id move back to nearer my sister and mother who live a good 45 minutes from where I am now so wouldnt be able to maintain the job anyway and its really not one i enjoy doing and i certainly wouldnt miss it.

kittiej

Would you be able to stay with your relatives for a bit until you get sorted?

I think you need a break if nothing else

Squiggly_Diddly

It's not about whether he opens up or not hun, but if he's paid/paying off his debts, does that mean he has more money - then why isn't he contributing more instead of just keep taking from you?

Can you ask for a flat/job transfer back to near your mum/sis? Tell him to go to the mate's & stay there, then get in touch with council & say you need to move area, and ask work if you can transfer? Have you worked out what you would get if you weren't working? Can you manage on that in the meantime (if/when you moved area again)?

Sorry if you've already answered some of that, or I've misread some, just skimmed through:o . If you've made a decision though don't let it drag on and on...
xx

sammy_kaye18

Squiggly - the flat was in my name but the woman from the council did an inpromptu visit one day when he was home and got him to sign the tenancy agreement - everything else is in my name though. (meaning all the bills) but i wouldnt dare leave my flat. This is my home. Im the one works worked to make it what it is - whereas he done !!!!!! all, its me who fights with the mould all the time, cleans it (despite what he thinks it is clean but not showhome worthly like his mums is 24/7 - but she has her own house with garden, one child who is 10,in full time school and a placid calm collie dog plus she is obsessively clean - whereas i have a mouldy council flat and no garden, a 3 year old in part time school and a hyperactive jack russell dog).

Have just have suddenly have something hit me like a brick in the face. Im sat here, its 10 to 9, both the boys are up (ages 7 and 3) and they have been up since 7am,they've had breakfast (well one has the others not hungry yet) and have gotten changed and where is he?? IN !!!!!!!G BED!

MUG! With a capital M!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pinkpig08

It's not a small supermarket is it? I used to work in one and did similar hours to you - always stood behind a till too.

How would you stand with tax credits and things if you were to give up your job? Would it be abig upheaval to move or would you be OK doing it? Would your family help you?

Your bf can't excuse responsibility for his actions. As a parent and partner he should be putting you and your son first before everything. I know everyone has their ups and down - me included - but the fact that he doesn't seem to want to change his ways shows that nothing's going to change unless you change it. Your son would see you as a far happier person, which in turn would make him happier too.

If he has sorted his debts out then that's great - but he shouldn't use it as something to fire back at you when you didn't even know he was doing it!

Is he working today or could you try and sit down and talk to him - something obviously made him finally get in touch with the companies to sort it out.

sammy_kaye18

I did look into all the benefits I would get yesterday - from what I can remember I am entitled to
£50.54 a week child tax credit,
£40.50 a week income suppport
£18.80 a week child benefit
£18.90 a week council tax
£52.50 a week housing benefit

---

181.52 a week so thats £726.08 a month

The rent would be fully covered for my flat, id have £5.40 to pay on council tax for the month and £33 for water bills for the month.

Then tv license, gas, electric, food, ntl, - easily done in that £726!!!!!

Squiggly_Diddly

Also my little sis (who has just turned 22) has recently split up with her BF. They have a 3 year old. Both work in the pub trade, he is a manager & earns nearly half more than she does/did as assistant manager (he was taking home around £1500 a month). They had no household bills to pay other than C/tax due to living in pub accommodation - yet he spent it all on "bills" and she was not only paying for everything for their child, all the food shopping, furniture,etc, but subsidising him too. And he was treating her like dirt (we discover..) - it was a couple of recent events where he swore at her in front of customers, and then threw a drink at her (because she had sent someone on their break) in public too. Think they were the final straws (and there's plenty I don't know about I think) - although he has undermined her self-confidence so much. She's trying to sort out a flat & then can get herself a job again - cos her DD is 3 she gets help towards nursery vouchers & can claim rest on tax credits when she's working again too.

From the day she made the decision & left, she has looked like a different person - happier, healthier and much more back to her old self. Before that I hadn't seen her smile for ages. Also her DD is also a chattier happier child - and she also had been very subdued. You might not think it's having that much of an effect on you, but it's only when you're out of it and you look back that you realise....

What I'm trying to say is that I don't think situations like that ever get any better, and you don't want to find you're in something you can get out of.
I'd speak to the Council too & say you weren't happy about the way he was put onto the tenancy - you should have had a chance to discuss/think about it without feeling it was just a fait accompli...

Squiggly_Diddly

Sammy, sounds like you would be sorted money-wise then. Would you get maintenance from him? Cos that may cancel out the IS otherwise?

Slightly confused with your figures - you'd get £726 to include paying rent & CT, or on top of? Either way, I think you'd manage fine until you were moved, settled, sorted & able to think about getting another job.

Good luck & (((hugs)))) for today anyway - hope you manage to take some positive action whatever you decide.