Needing a major vent!

sammy_kaye18

My boyfriend is lucky hes breathing today as far as im concerned.

We are financially screwed this month to put it politely.

I have no money (and i mean NO money) at all. My boyfriend had his pay and within 3 days it was gone. He was £40 short on rent (which he pays so i had to make up) and he had a £30 parking ticket adn a £30 phonebill outstanding (which i had to pay as couldnt afford the extra fees on the ticket and he needs his phone as he is a curtosy car driver) which has taken all my money.

He has had to borrow £150 off his friend and £40 off his mother which he put hte whole lot striaght into a birthday card for his sister. The £150 he had he paid for brakes - i think he paid £80 for them, brought a magazine which was a £5, and let me get £20 of shopping off tesco online. Hes also been and brought car tools so about a tenner and i think food/petrol so he should have about £15 - 20 left over but i dont know this for definate.

Anyway we are struggling - ive missed a debt payment, we have no bread, milk, butter, or sugar in the house. A few tins in the cupboards and not a whole lot more - im not paid until tuesday 15th adn hes not paid till the 25th.

He went out to a car show at the beginning fo the month - well acar meet but it was in newport so he had to palm our son off on his mother until gone 9 at night when our son is only 3.

Now he has the audacity to come home and tell me hes going out on saturday night - he was ment ot have his son form a previous relationship so he rang and asked to swap his day of having him and in turn messed up his exs plans too. He also has no plans set so ive no idea if he will be coming home or staying out. Plus he knows all of two people at the party hes going to, its a friends friends birthday party and my bf doesnt know anyone else there. Theres no money behind the bar and its a buy your own drinks thing and he wants to go out and get wasted - knowing how badly off we are at home.

He jsut annoys me. Hes such a selfish, pigheaded, man!

I really am starting to wonder what the hell im doing with him - his priorities seem to be
1)his cars hes doing up
2) his life
3) me and his sons
he is very much 'the world revolves around him and what he wants' whereas i try to please everyone else before myself. Also i know if i bring this up to him ill get the same response of 'oh you just dont want me to go out because im worried he'll pull' or some other lame excuse - in fairness if he did im starting to think id be lucky he was gone, but they'd send him back because hes such a pillock. I wouldnt mind him going out if a) we could afford it and b) he actually made plans if he was staying out or coming home. - he curently says he doesnt know but i need to knwo incase i leave the key in the door. and the two people he knows live the total opposite direction from where the party is and he has to come back past us to get to their houses! - unless he stayed with a complete stranger.

Im actually starting to wonder if i have some sort of mental health issue as ive been sat arguing at the computer screen half the morning just to release my frustration at something!

Ok rant over and im off to find a brick wall to slam my head against.

shellsuit

I understand the 'car' thing (my OH is exactly the same, re, meets/parts etc), but OH will only go to meets or buy parts/stuff if he can afford it. I've suggested when he does overtime, to put some of that money away and then he can use that for the car he is doing up and he is fine with that!

The party is not a priority, the lack of food in the cupboards is!

How old is he? He sounds very immature, is letting people down left right and centre and where is he going to get money to go to the party anyway?

If he borrows it, then it's gonna have to be paid back, which means less money again come pay day.

Do you have separate bank account or a joint one?

Don't bail him out again, if he needs money for his phone, which is for his job, that's his fault and upto him to sort out. If he lost his job over it, then obviously he doesn't have his priorities right at all and I'd question whether I want him to be a part of my life if he couldn't provide, but could afford his car and partys!

Chin up xxxx

pariskate

Oh Sammy Kaye - ((((big big hugs))). I don't post often here but I've seen you're fantastic meal planner on th OS board and know how well you manage so it's really rotten that you're pillock of a BF is making you miserable.

Some people are real wastes of spaces, think carefully if you want the rest of your life to be entangled with his.

If I were you, leave the key in the door and if he comes home, tough, he can sleep it off in the rosebed.

PK

sammy_kaye18

Shellsuit -

my boyfriend is 28 - yes thats not a typo - TWENTY EIGHT! he will be 29 this june.

My boyfirend is very immature i dont think he'd survive if left alone - in fact i can probably gaurentee he'd be back at his mums - hes never been on his own - always given money to others to take car of bills debts and never had to do it on his own.

Me and boyfriend have seperate bank accounts. I wouldnt dare have a joint on with him - i have 3 - one for wages, one for benefits (tax creds and child benefit) and anotehr whcih is a debit card for paying bils over the phone or online.

I am startign to seriously debate whether i want someone like this in my life. He is exactly the same and will get his way or do it anyway if i ask im not to - failign that he does it wothout telling me and then i have to question or bust him on it later. HE infuriates me.

Ive already actually spoken to a family friend who is a lettign agent and she has said she would need the bond for me and then claim the first month of rent from housing benefit so i could get on her books. Shes done this for my sister and mother.

Im wondering if this much stress is worth it - i had my first panic attack on saturaday in almost 2 years and ti was horrible. Ive been bursting into tears for no reason all week, not a good sign

newcook

oh hun - lots of hugs your way xx

what a selfish git! how dare he expect you to pay out for his stuff so you dont have a bean and then still go out on the lash!

if I were you I would ask for even half the money that he owes you so that you can buy the essential things in life such as food - if he has the audacity to even complain that that will leave his drinking fund low then tell him thats his problem. if he can afford to go drinking he can afford to pay his debts.

my ex is like this - we were always living hand to mouth. I had to (and still do while the sale of the house is going through!) keep a secret stash of money so that I can buy the basics - otherwise if he knew I had money he would use it to buy drink.

in the end I knew he would never change and I didnt want to spend the rest of my life scrimping and saving so I told him it was over and we were selling the house!

sarahmoon_2

Awww Sammy I really feel for you. He needs a good kick up the backside!!! I agree with newcook if he has money for drink the he should be paying you back with it.

You really need to think long term if this will ever change with him. You deserve much better!

shellsuit

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

Shellsuit -

my boyfriend is 28 - yes thats not a typo - TWENTY EIGHT! he will be 29 this june.

My boyfirend is very immature i dont think he'd survive if left alone - in fact i can probably gaurentee he'd be back at his mums - hes never been on his own - always given money to others to take car of bills debts and never had to do it on his own.

Me and boyfriend have seperate bank accounts. I wouldnt dare have a joint on with him - i have 3 - one for wages, one for benefits (tax creds and child benefit) and anotehr whcih is a debit card for paying bils over the phone or online.

I am startign to seriously debate whether i want someone like this in my life. He is exactly the same and will get his way or do it anyway if i ask im not to - failign that he does it wothout telling me and then i have to question or bust him on it later. HE infuriates me.

Ive already actually spoken to a family friend who is a lettign agent and she has said she would need the bond for me and then claim the first month of rent from housing benefit so i could get on her books. Shes done this for my sister and mother.

Im wondering if this much stress is worth it - i had my first panic attack on saturaday in almost 2 years and ti was horrible. Ive been bursting into tears for no reason all week, not a good sign

See, you're worrying and crying and having panic attacks ~ what is he doing? Planning to go out on the lash?!

To be honest, if he went to the party, I'd tell him not to bother coming home.

Have you spoken to him about the way you feel and what was his response?

newcook

sell something of his like his playstation/xbox etc!!!

sammy_kaye18

Thanks for the responses.

I have spoken to him about it and he was like ' well why dont you want me to go out' and i said cos we cant really afford it and was there any point when he didnt know anyone there? - and he turned it around to 'well i dont go out very often, i dont do drugs, i dont smoke' etc. which he doesnt but he goes out with his mates maybe once twice a month and stays at one particular mates house but thats if we can afford it and hes out with his group of mates - not in a bike club full of strangers drinking which is where he will be if we go out.

Ive put up with him for 5 and a half years now and am really starting to wonder if its all worth it.

sammy_kaye18

newcook - only problem is its my Xbox 360!

Riq

newcook wrote: »

sell something of his like his playstation/xbox etc!!!

wow, wow, wow, slow down there.
Let's not get serious here!


EDIT: You have a XBox 360?! Why can I never find a girl that has one of those?!


Serious comment to come btw once I've had a think.