Needing a major vent!

jay11_2

Hi Sammy-Kaye, what an awful situation, I wonder waht YOU actually get out of this relationship, sounds as tho you and LO would be happier, more relaxed, and generally much better off alone.

liney

You know the guy is a selfish, immature pillock. You say it without fail month after month.

You seen to do alot of things for him - what do you get out of this relationship exactly?

Seperate. If he really wants to be with you he will change his ways. As it stands your son is being deprived because of his selfish father.

sammy_kaye18

Hi All,

Thanks again for the responses. Just got back from running little one to school.

floss - my mother in law asked that the money be reurned straight away the day afte rto her - conveniently he was in college yesterday and text her sayign eh couldnt give it back to her because his card is broken (in fairness its wrecked the chips fallen out and it in bits) which i told her was an excuse cos he scould have fiddeld five spare mintes to run to his bank and get it out.

Triker - ive had panic attacks since i was 15 years old and i get up and down days like everyone else. Your ight too in that i dont drink, do drugs, smoke, i dont even really go out - my son is almsot 4 and i think i can safely count on onw hand the amount of times ive left him because im such a devoted mum that i figure ill have my time when hes older or when hes in school. Boyfriend however tends to palm his kids off when he can eithe ron his mohter or when he has his other son he'll conveniently be working on his car so i have to watch them both.

Also although he is a good dad - when he actually spends time with our son he is really good with him and his other child but that is not very often at all. I never seem ot be able to do anything with my son, go anywere etc, but i mean i feel dedicated to me son. Love being with him et can dhate that hes gettign big and gonna not be 'my baby' anymore - but his father has never done much with him - cant remember a birthday when he was actually off work for it to spend the day with him, cant even remember gifts hes ever brought his son - ive paid for all of them.

Triker

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

Hi All,

Thanks again for the responses. Just got back from running little one to school.

floss - my mother in law asked that the money be reurned straight away the day afte rto her - conveniently he was in college yesterday and text her sayign eh couldnt give it back to her because his card is broken (in fairness its wrecked the chips fallen out and it in bits) which i told her was an excuse cos he scould have fiddeld five spare mintes to run to his bank and get it out.

Triker - ive had panic attacks since i was 15 years old and i get up and down days like everyone else. Your ight too in that i dont drink, do drugs, smoke, i dont even really go out - my son is almsot 4 and i think i can safely count on onw hand the amount of times ive left him because im such a devoted mum that i figure ill have my time when hes older or when hes in school. Boyfriend however tends to palm his kids off when he can eithe ron his mohter or when he has his other son he'll conveniently be working on his car so i have to watch them both.

Also although he is a good dad - when he actually spends time with our son he is really good with him and his other child but that is not very often at all. I never seem ot be able to do anything with my son, go anywere etc, but i mean i feel dedicated to me son. Love being with him et can dhate that hes gettign big and gonna not be 'my baby' anymore - but his father has never done much with him - cant remember a birthday when he was actually off work for it to spend the day with him, cant even remember gifts hes ever brought his son - ive paid for all of them.

Ok, so what are you going to do?

elona

Oh sammie

I could weep for you and your son.

How exactly is he a good dad?

He palms them off on others and would rather spend time on his car!

He does not even realise that there is not food in the cupboard.

Sounds like you have two sons - not one - and I know which is the big spoilt baby!

I remember earlier too when you were left worrying how to get food and hoped he had matured a bit as I thought he was young himself.

If being 28 and having two children does not wake him up to the important priorities in life then I do not know what will.

Does his mum know the position he has put you in or has he given her the impression that YOU are "not good with money"?

Honey this has gone beyond just "selfish" - it is plain cruel and abusive!

Have you ever had a look at Black Saturn's site on emotional abuse?

He is making everything out to be your fault while you and your son are living like prisoners eking out pennies for food while he spends pounds on his hobbies and whims!

I feel like going to see him brandishing a rolling pin!!!:mad:

sammy_kaye18

triker - sorry i nipped off to the OS thread for a minute and missed your reply. ive been sat looking at the entitled to website to see jsut how id manage on what i would be entitled to. To be honest i dont think id have mcuh problem providing for me and my son on what they are suggestign id get. Might even have extra money for savings and treats too which would be a bonus and somethign i havent had in a long time

elona wrote: »

Does his mum know the position he has put you in or has he given her the impression that YOU are "not good with money"?

No my mother in law knows i am good with money and that her son is very bad with it. She usually gives me half my ideas and thinks its kind of funny that at 23 i do what i do - but hey it keeps me happy.

Triker

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

triker - sorry i nipped off to the OS thread for a minute and missed your reply. ive been sat looking at the entitled to website to see jsut how id manage on what i would be entitled to. To be honest i dont think id have mcuh problem providing for me and my son on what they are suggestign id get. Might even have extra money for savings and treats too which would be a bonus and somethign i havent had in a long time

Sounds like you are already making some decisions Sammy Kaye, I wish you luck hun. xx

count_rostov

Does he have a savings account? Can you get him to start putting money aside as an emergency fund to cover parking tickets etc, or even as a fund for occasional nights out? It sounds as if you split expenses very fairly so its not fair that you bail him out.
However, you've been together a while, have a child and get on with his mother well - a very important thing in any relationship - so it would be hasty to walk out over a money argument. You need to make it clear to him that you're considering your future together and that this isn't about you wanting to control his behaviour or who he sees, but that he needs to show responsibility towards his family. If he realises you're serious, but that you're not nagging/moaning maybe he'll talk about it more reasonably?
I know how this feels, my OH is self-employed and hasn't had any work this month so I'm covering the mortgage, bills etc probably for two months, but he thinks he can fly to the other end of the country to go to a stag weekend with tank driving, painting balling etc and all the other ridiculous things men in their thirties feel the need to do when they're about to get married! It's going to cost about £600 which is obscene for a weekend's entertainment for one person, and would cover a months mortgage!

Rachie_B

oh sammy

i remember an earlier thread by you along the same lines
you gave him another chance ....

but nothing has changed ? in fact gotten worse ?

you deserve better hun

xx

Alias_Omega

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

Ive put up with him for 5 and a half years now and am really starting to wonder if its all worth it.

Grass is always greener on the other side.

How about both sit down together, work out what needs to be paid when, and what he gives you when he gets paid. Dont accept cash in hand, but a bank transfer / standing order so its all done and dusted.

Seems that he has a priority of 'i earned the cash, ill spend it' rather than see's what goes on in the background.

I learnt the hard way when i moved in with my partner (now wife), overnight i gained £800 worth of debt a month as all benefits stopped.

Put things into place with him, and if he wont start dealing with them, start putting them bills in his name..