Needing a major vent!

dearbarbie

OMG so its OK for him to go out and OK for you not to, and you to sit at home starving hungry? I think you're answering your own qs...

Dick_here

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

hobo28
Also this month his sisters memorial plaque is up - if its not paid by the 18th it will be removed at the end of the month from the baby section of the local crematorium. It was my boyfriend who said he would pay of rit as this was his gift to his mum (getting the plaque in the first place) and he was ment to make the repayment but hes nto apid till after the deadline - so i am paying this and gettign him to pay me the money back (its in the £450 he owes me) not becasue i want to bail him out but i know it would break my mother in laws heart if this happened and i respect and value her quite highly.

I found this thread amusing - until I read this paragraph.

He is a pathetic, self-centred, irresponsible !!!!.

floss2

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

.....Like i said too he has already lent money this month off his mum and she is worrying now that she is £40 short for her monthly car payment and i have no idea if bf can pay this......

Maybe she should tell him she needs the money back - that would be a shock if they have always bailed him out before (and it isn't you asking him then)

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

.....The other problem is with is phone is that its in my name because of his debt hehad such bad credit that he couldnt get one but needed one so me being a soft touch got the phone in my name for him on he grouds that he paid his own bill. Stupid i know but if i cancel the phone hes left without one. and it goes against me if the bills not paid.....

Buy him a cheapy Tesco/Asda PAYG and then if he doesn't pay it, he has no phone - presumably he needs it for his job?


And I would suggest that when he DOES pay you back, you stick as much of that money into a savings account as you can, and top it up when you can, just in case you ever need an "escape fund".

:grouphug:

Floss x

newcook

I dont mean to sound nosey but is this one of the reasons that him and his ex broke up?

Butterfliesarepretty

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

hobo28

he has always been very 'pampered' by his mum and allthough his dad sort of takes a back seat to it all hes the first one to help or offer help financially. - if my boyfriend cant find money for the car etc his dad will pay it for him - they baile him out of £5000 worth of debt before and boyfriend just ran it straight back up again - now its about £10K. He has more debt than me ! apart from my mortgage.

Like i said too he has already lent money this month off his mum and she is worrying now that she is £40 short for her monthly car payment and i have no idea if bf can pay this. Silly mum!

The other problem is with is phone is that its in my name because of his debt he had such bad credit that he couldnt get one but needed one so me being a soft touch got the phone in my name for him on he grouds that he paid his own bill. Stupid i know but if i cancel the phone hes left without one. and it goes against me if the bills not paid. cancel it, his problem if he has no phone. Try and change it into his name. Or pay it up then cancel it, then get the money off him. Make a note of it. You can always claim it back through the courts.

Also this month his sisters memorial plaque is up - if its not paid by the 18th it will be removed at the end of the month from the baby section of the local crematorium. It was my boyfriend who said he would pay of rit as this was his gift to his mum (getting the plaque in the first place) and he was ment to make the repayment but hes nto apid till after the deadline - so i am paying this and gettign him to pay me the money back (its in the £450 he owes me) not becasue i want to bail him out but i know it would break my mother in laws heart if this happened and i respect and value her quite highly.

Do not pay it, why should you?? Ask the mother-in-law to sort it with her son. You are not married to him, there are no ties. Chuck him out.

Stop bailing him out and change the locks on the doors. Do not let him back in, he is using you.

autismmum

my first hubby was on 30.00 an hour!! blew it all, wasted money on everthing, in the end i had to ditch my masters and work nights at a nursing home, get paid cash, whilst tiered buy shopping, walk home 2 miles and then feed my kids, whilst he went off out with his mates.... changed the locks, sold his stuff, re married and im perfectl happy now, get shot of him, what a stupid guy.

Laughing_Man_2

I have few friends like this guy, fully grown boys they are, he isn't going to make any meaningful changes to his behaviour until he is forced to deal with the consequences of his actions himself.

mwa

Sammy Kaye,

I ditched my partner who sounds abit like your chap - always money for cars, taking finance out on ridiculous things, no money for anything proper,selfish to the extreme etc. 7 years ago now and guess what, I am now financially secure with a nice house, good job, lovely husband, great child and he is still p1ssing it up the wall from what I've seen. In and out of jobs, still in rented place, no security, debts up to his eyeballs etc.

Looking back I can see he was dragging me down and it sounds like this is what your partner is doing to you. Please think seriously about what your life might be like in 5 - 10 years if you stay with him, is he seriously going to change? I held out for 7 years thinking mine would and he never did, he just got worse because I allowed it.

MWA
xx

pebbles88

Hi Sammie-Kaye,

your post made my blood boil, i know from your previous posts on OS just how hard you work to look after your family with all your Home cooking and budgeting etc, and to find out that you OH is repaying like this made me want to clobber him over the head!!

i cant believe that even though you have emptyish cupboards and a DS to feed (didnt know if his other son lived with you) that he still wants to go out and spend on booze! its appalling!! he would soon complain if there was no food for him!

as other posters have said, you arent married so you could leave him if you feel that strongly about how he is starting to behave but only YOU can make that decision.

i had a really bad wkend with my DH, I am on Incapacity at the mo so money is very tight. However my DH does look after me and help me with lots so last wkend his Bro asked him to go out for a few drinks, i said ok as i had saved a bit of money, and even picked them all up and dropped them off at the pub, with my DH promising me that he wouldnt be later than midnight (which is normally the time he gets home).

however come 1am i was getting a bit worried, spesh as i was still on here (MSE) and checked online banking to discover than £200 had been taken out of an ATM. MY DH eventually got home at 1:30am, and informed me that he had decided to carry on drinking, invited his cousin out, gave him £70 and then ditched him to come home. we are already overdrawn and mortgage is due, thankfully i got most of the money back asap apart from what he had given his cousin (who i will be talking to believe me!) DH's trouble is that he bottles stuff up and when he goes out drinking (he doesnt drink at all in house) it comes out then and he goes a bit mad. He has been well and truly read the riot act (im more bothered about him giving money away we dont have then him going out) and he knows he was in wrong, he even offered to sell his PS3 to recoup more cash.

not trying to hijack your thread, im just trying to say that this was the first time i have ever really had to lose my temper with him, he started trying to be cocky when he came home and I ended up slapping him (which i am not proud of). we ended up having a bloody good talk and although the wounds are still healing we are in a much better place emotionally. so if you think things are fixable with your OH then perhaps try before you make any final decisions.

No offence to anyone but mens are strange creatures (yes we women know we are too ) and sometimes a short sharp shock is whats needed. If this doesnt help, then you know what you need to do.

You sound like a lovely girl Sammy-kaye, if you do decide to leave him then he WILL be kicking himself when he realises what he has lost, unfortunately if he cant realise what he has then he is a stupid t**t! you deserve the best!

hope it all works out for you

((((hugs))))

Triker

Hi Sammy Kaye, you ok love?

Well I think that things have been brewing up for a while really. Bursting into tears and panic attacks are not a good sign hun and these do not appear overnight, it takes a lot of strain over a long time for you to feel like this.

My thoughts are that maybe you need a break from your boyfriend. Maybe he needs to go and stay with his parents for a bit in order for you to gather your thoughts.

He may say that he doesn't drink, do drugs, go out, but hey neither do you, right?

What you do do, and have been doing for a long time, is managing to produce miracles with your canny planning and shopping and of course by being brilliant by being 'our MSE Sammy Kaye'.

I feel sad because I remember some of your very early posts where you were really, really struggling with no food in the cupboards.

You should not have to still live like this and more importantly neither should your son. The situation has to change because it simply cannot continue.

Your boyfriend also has to take responsibility for you and his child, it sounds like he wants the single lifestyle, with the 'MUM' at home, sorting his meals and the bills so he doesn't get 'bothered' with it. Well reality check, either he steps up and does the right thing by you and your son or he stands a chance of losing you both.


I'm thinking of you, and there's a big cuddle here for you too, not much but if it cheers you up sweetie thats all that counts. :grouphug:xx