2 boys and want a girl

Carmina_Piranha_3

my FIL is one of a dozen children, 11 boys and then the youngest is a girl :eek: not sure if they kept trying for a girl or if it was just that everyone had dozens of children back then.

morgani

Several years ago when I was dating my now husband we came accross his baby book at his mothers house. He didnt seem all that interested in it but I wanted to have a look so he sat with me looking through it (I think he felt like he had to!) anyway after reading some of it one of the question said (First Throughts) for the proud parents to fill in how they felt.
His mum had written
"disapointed its not a girl".

I immediatly felt terrible as I was the one that encouraged him to read it (oviously I had no idear it would say that) However he simply said that he knew she wanted a girl she apparently has allways said that it was a girl she would have prefered!
Having said this although she voiced her opinion about wanting a girl I wouldnt say in anyway that my husband got different treatment because of this.



We now have a ds age 3 and dd age 2 and im 14wks preg. I like you was desperate for a girl and I know I would have carried on trying until my husband said look we cant afford anymore/give then the lifestyle that we want to. Although I would have been happy with any boys that I got once i saw and held them in my arms and I never would let them know that I wanted a girl while pregnant as its not fair on them and once the baby is born (it may take a while) but you will love them even though there not the sex that you wanted although I expect you will still have a strong desire for a girl.

Just to let you know I love dd very much but she is definatly very hard work more so than our ds! I wanted a girl to have pink around and play girly games but she is rapidly turning into a tomboy (going up trees etc) but our son will happily play with a doll or dress up etc!! My husband is hoping that this is a phase but Im not that bothered.

Basicly in my opinion go for the 3rd baby but be prepared that it might take a while to settle in if its not a girl. Just dont write it in their baby book!!
If not you will have to wait and see what grand children you get!

Good Luck:D

poppyscorner

Sarahsaver wrote: »

Just make sure your kids never find out they were a 'disappointment' :eek:

TBH and in the nicest possible way I think you have completely missed my point.

I love my children regardless what I feel privately is just that private I have chosen to share my feelings here in the hope that I could gauge some reassurance that I would be OK not for people to tear me apart.
Of course I had not realised I would cause quite so much controversy I came within an inch of having a daughter once and she was cruelly taken away from me just as she was ready to make her entrance to the world you see she was stillborn at 31wks gestation. A point which I have touched on briefly within this thread.
So I gave birth to this beautiful baby girl my one and only darling daughter I washed her and dressed her I have her photograph I also have her hand and footprints I then had to let her go.

Both of my sons births were emotional and my pregnancies were stressful my 1st son needed resuccitation(sp?) at his birth I love them with all of my heart and I have never wished they were girls I may have had a fleeting 'oh a boy' at DS2's 20 week scan but that does not mean I think of him as a disappointment I will openly admit that I would like my third child to be a girl as I have said I feel a bit like I am missing out not that I want to replace my daughter but I would like to have a daughter.

I can't see where the terrible thing in that is really I can't so if you can then please can you explain it to me as I said I have asked for opinions and if yours is opposite to mine then would you mind elaborating for me I feel I have explained myself enough if you need any more detail don't hesitate to ask.

Thanks for your input
Poppy x

Sarahsaver

Thanks for your input also. I think it would not be good for a child to discover they were brought into this world in the hope they were something else, that's all. I think it is quite simple to understand. I do not agree with you yet I never said it was terrible. I can understand what you are saying but I do not agree and I do not have to.
By airing your thoughts on a public forum you invite views from all different perspectives.
What WOULD be terrible is if a child ever found out they were not quite what you hoped for.

BACKFRMTHEEDGE

I was supposed to be a boy called Paul - I'm Pauline. Never bothered me that I was an immediate dissapointment:D...my parents got over it obviously as they thought it was funny:p

strawberry_laces

I have 2 boys, my first boy I had when I was 21, my second at 24

I am 33 amd have just had (13 weeks ago) my last baby, it was a girl:j , it would have been my last regardless of sex. but she's a princess and absolutely beautiful, and spoilt rotten, especially by hubby and big brother. My family is now complete.

Good luck and I hope you have a happy healthy baby, and I hope you have the girl you want, It sounds to me the baby will be loved regardless of sex;)

mhe

POPPYSCORNER - I dont think you are terrible - I know exactly how you feel. I have 3 sons. I love them all dearly and would not swap them for all the tea in China but would have loved a girl. After the birth of my 2nd we lost 2 babies both at around 20 weeks. The first one i didnt find out the sex of but the 2nd was a girl. A third and very stressful pregnancy resulted in my 3rd son. The moment he was born I loved him, didnt resent him that he wasnt as girl or any of that. I know I should be grateful I have 3 DSs and i am (Iwork with someone who has failed on IFV and i know she would give her right arm for 1 child) but i have to admit that i do feel as though there is something missing and i am not complete - cant really explain it properly - maybe it does stem from the loss of a girl baby as those of us on this thread who have lost a girl seem to feel it the most.

poppyscorner

Sarahsaver wrote: »

Thanks for your input also. I think it would not be good for a child to discover they were brought into this world in the hope they were something else, that's all. I think it is quite simple to understand. I do not agree with you yet I never said it was terrible. I can understand what you are saying but I do not agree and I do not have to.
By airing your thoughts on a public forum you invite views from all different perspectives.
What WOULD be terrible is if a child ever found out they were not quite what you hoped for.

Thanks for replying I do appreciate all views and as I said I am willing to take them on board however some have came here slated me and left I may not agree with what you say however at least you have hung around so that we can discuss it so Thanks again for that.

You are correct that we do not have to agree life would be boring if we did and I can see your point completely if I was to find I was a disappointment to my parents because of my gender then I suppose I would feel gutted. However I am not looking at it like that I am talking of my own private thoughts, thoughts that yes I have shared here because I am a stranger and I can say how I feel without anybody knowing who I am or my family for that matter.
My own private thoughts are ones that I do not regularly share with others I may well comment among close family that I would like a baby girl at some point but again no child would be classed as a disappointment to my family rather more a welcome addition and whilst I may well be a little disappointed personally this would be something I would get over by myself.
I cannot help this and I suspect that many people secretly would agree with that and on balance there will also be those that will not I suppose some will think it comes down to ethics but that is a whole new discussion.

I just thought it makes me sound as though I would put disappointment on my childs shoulders just for not being a girl and for anyone who is wondering that is not what would happen and it would never be mentioned the fact is that this is how I feel my feelings are my own but wouldn't go any further.

Thanks again Poppy xx

lottee

Broken_hearted wrote: »

Wanting a girl is perfectly natural, no-one can tell you how you feel and its very unfair of them to tell you to be grateful for whatevere, as it just doesn't work like that. I remember crying my heart out when they said DS2 was a boy, I longed for a girl still do.

I agree.

We only have the 1 child at the mo, DS. I have my boy, so I would LOVE a girl now. But I am sure if he had of been a she, then I would be hoping for a boy 2nd time around. OH isn't bothered, but if & when we have another one, which could be soon...;) I will find out at the scan - I think I'll need some time to come around to the idea of another boy....! aaarrrggghhh! One thing is for certain, if I do end up with 2 boys, I defo will not be trying for a 3rd - I think 3 of what I have already would finish me off!!! (He's not that bad, much!)

IMO, it is perfectly natural to want/hope for what you don't already have...& that goes for a lot of things in life, not just the sex of your baby!!!

Carmina_Piranha_3

mhe wrote: »

but i have to admit that i do feel as though there is something missing and i am not complete - cant really explain it properly - maybe it does stem from the loss of a girl baby as those of us on this thread who have lost a girl seem to feel it the most.

somebody i know who lost a twin sort of feels that she is missing something and would like twins. she can only say that to the closest friends because everybody else would say she should be grateful that one of the twins was born. i didn't really understand her point of view but then i had never lost a baby. now that i've had a miscarriage i sort of feel as if a third child should be here but my husband doesn't so we won't be having a third.

i am very grateful for what i've got, especially coming home after sitting in that waiting room with people who kept having miscarriages and didn't have any children to cuddle when they came home. but i still feel a little bit as if something is lost if that makes sense. it was too early to know the sex of the baby. the sonographer said that it was quite common for women to go to their 12 week scan not realising that their baby was gone

it's odd but when i am pregnant i always imagine a little girl, even though if i was offered the choice i wouldn't actually ask for a girl. that's just how i imagine them when i'm pregnant, until the 20 week scan.