boyfriend says he can't upset wife!!!!

caroleann

No i cant, I have daughter and work, feel so stupid for letting him come on Thursday, I am too soft, I never turn him away or down, he seems to thrive on me not being there for him and then winning me around again.
Ths split/break is on again, my mobile is broken so cant text him but so tempted to e mail him a long letter telling him how I feel, i think I'm going to be let down in two weeks time, trying to get my head around it.

ceridwen

DONT DONT DONT!!!!!! send him letter (long or otherwise).

Dont text, dont phone, dont write, dont email, dont anything.

Back into "break" mode pronto.

Think lesser of 2 evils - as in "Do I really want ceridwen slapping my wrists?".

Seriously - I do have it on very good authority that it can work really well if they seriously want you ...that 50 plus years of marriage from someone I know very well who did this!

Errata

he seems to thrive on me not being there for him and then winning me around again.

Some people do thrive on the drama and challenge of this kind of situation but it's quite precarious for everyone else involved.

If you feel you're being too soft towards him, you probably are.

By the sound of it you've fully explained to him how you feel, and done it more than once. I think he's got the message, you don't need to repeat it.

Perhaps it would be an idea to think about what your life would look like if it all goes belly up in a couple of weeks. You know, plan for the worst and hope for the best ? That way you'll feel like you have some control over your future rather than feeling that he holds all the cards.

caroleann

I know, its a big mess, we've always kept a Saturday night as our night and he's taken me out for a meal, now he knows I'm at home alone and very down, but also up in the air....... again, his speciality.
There is no way I will see or talk to him for another 2 weeks now, he always goes away into his cave he stays there for a few days then calms down, gets lonely and turns the charm on and the sweet texts start arriving, he cant do that as phone is k

---

ed, but my land line is there:eek:
He is still saying he's going to do what I want but also that he doesen't want to hurt wifey, I nearly flipped when he said that as at the time i was hurting a lot.

Errata

ceridwen wrote: »

DONT DONT DONT!!!!!! send him letter (long or otherwise).

Dont text, dont phone, dont write, dont email, dont anything.

Back into "break" mode pronto.

Think lesser of 2 evils - as in "Do I really want ceridwen slapping my wrists?".

Seriously - I do have it on very good authority that it can work really well if they seriously want you ...that 50 plus years of marriage from someone I know very well who did this!

Can only agree with your last sentence. I was always told that one in a couple always loves the other more, and it's better if it's the man. Treat 'em mean and keep 'em kean.

Errata

he always goes away into his cave he stays there for a few days then calms down, gets lonely and turns the charm on and the sweet texts start arriving,

You know, that's a pretty good description of a user.
If that's how he behaved towards his wife then maybe her throwing him out is understandable.

margaretclare

caroleann wrote: »

No i can't, I have daughter and work, feel so stupid for letting him come on Thursday, I am too soft, I never turn him away or down, he seems to thrive on me not being there for him and then winning me around again.

You've said it all, haven't you!

I agree with Errata.

journ

The only person who he is thinking about is himself and if he loved you he wouldn't be worried about him wife he should be worried about you

Try and stay strong and let him do the running .

loopy_lass

wot sense you all talk, ive had a fab weekend, wined and dined..... then last night out came the booze big time and the lecture about how ill never be as good as his ex wife ... blah blah blah ..... ((((((((((((WOTTTTEEEVVVAAAAA))))))))) was my reply......

cant be aR**d to be honest...

loops

haylibo

loopy_lass wrote: »

wot sense you all talk, ive had a fab weekend, wined and dined..... then last night out came the booze big time and the lecture about how ill never be as good as his ex wife ... blah blah blah ..... ((((((((((((WOTTTTEEEVVVAAAAA))))))))) was my reply......

cant be aR**d to be honest...

loops

Oh my goodness LL, do you have a big sister we can contact to go 'round to yours and give you a good shake? This simply won't do chuck - you shouldn't have to listen to such rubbish. What are you going to do about it young lady?

And caroleann - how long is this thread? Bet you had no idea when you started posting that it would become a full on saga. Hope you have had a good couple of days. x