Worn out.

blue_monkey_2

Pobby, I am afraid that it is the law in this house too.... not allowed near the washing machine. More so when i came home the other day and found hubby had *tried* to do the washing and everything went in the tumble drier and came out a size smaller. So now I'd rather do it myself.

My friends and I always joke that they do a crap job because they know we won't bother asking again.

My friends husband was cooking dinner one night (OK, he took over the cooking) and took off his jumper and threw it to the chair which then fell off onto the floor. So my friend thought 'right, I'll leave it there and see how long it stays there'. After a week it was covered in dog hair and dirt and she said to him 'you gonna pick that jumper up' to which he replied I was only wearing that yesterday'. LOL!! I am so pleased that it is not just me!!

HannahandMark

Hi Louise,

Hope all is going well, still here to listen.

Thanks for your replies ladies; not all us blokes are lazy misogynists and I appreciate your comments.

Love and hugs to all that are here to help

Mark

HannahandMark

Hi Louise,

This thread has gone "dead". Hope you are OK. Would love to hear how you are getting on.

Take care

Mark

louisemarie

I am sorry that I have not posted can't even face that anymore. Haven't even read all the posts yet but I will do- sorry. Well I didn't go to the drs last week (it was rescheduled again and it clashed with an appointment with DH) went on friday finally and to be honest totally cocked it up(nothing new there then) we focused on the IBS which is currently the worst I have ever had it(mind you I have lost 6lbs in 9 days so maybe not all bad!) she asked me if I had any idea why it was like this after being well under control for ages and what did i do instead of telling her everything like I went for I just said I was a bit worried about my husband and felt myself going into this act. I feel SO disgusted with myself. I have no guts and am a total b!tch its just that husband seems to be enjoying this. The uni have been fantastic and have turned themselves inside out trying to accomodate him reduced hours, covering for staff, offered him the chance to go in to staff the revision sessions with 6th formers(good money ) extra marking-(he is contractuly obligated to write and mark the next lot of exams) but no to all of it. He seems so bl00dy happy. We managed when he was on a part time contract and as soon as he gets taken on to the "proper staff"(if you see what I mean) this. Now I know that none of us can choose when we get ill but.... This morning he got an email from a lovely man in his department just seeing how he wa snad saying that if he wanted to "keep his hand in" they would be delighted to see him and that they hadn't managed to replace him. I said what a shame this has happened. My god you would have thought i had told him to eat his firstborn.......... Meanwhile back here on planet earth, I have put the phone on zero ring and check it every evening. Had a horrific council tax bill and taken a bit more sewing on(huge order but got till June to do it) I really don't know how I am existing. I have a sick note for 10days(ironic really a s6 of the days I had booked as holidays) I am so tired of it all, nothing is getting any better. I know i have loads of stuff re the debt to do but it all seems so hard. I seem to be in a state of frozen annimation. Cant stop being sick and running to the loo, too down to even cty now, have a husband that seems to think that I am stupid (well i only have a degree not the MA/PHD collection he has)but then again he has the PHD because I supported us whilst he was doing it(sorry for the bitterness) In the past when I ahve been on here(as the real me) I have often thought why dont they just do something (whatever the situation required) but i now know its not always tha reasy. I cant face things, keep doing stupid things like putting the car keys in the freezer and my purse in the microwave. Cant even decide wheithe r to have tea or coffee, all of which reenforces my husbands opinion of me. I am sorry to be such a nusance please forgive me. I will read your posts I just feel so worthless likewise the PM's you have kindlty sent me. Its awful because MSE has been my lifeline for so many years and I am even cutting myself off from that. Dont know why but it feels very lonley here. Thanks for reading.

Merlot

I am in tears reading your post, you need to go back to the GP and today, you need to talk to your GP in depth, as for your OH, I really don't know what to advise, from what you are saying and me reading, I read it as those you are suffering from mental abuse from him (I could be very wrong on this), but you need to talk to him honestly and if you can't, can you manage to get away to your parents over Easter or your sister/brother anyone really, you need to talk to someone.


If you can't talk to someone, talk to the Samartians, they will listen and maybe could offer you some advice on support http://www.samaritans.org/

Thinking of you

Merlot

boredofbeingathome

Christ- I agree with Merlot!! You poor love. Who said life was easy. I can only send you my best wishes and support at a time like this.Please take care of yourself xxxxxx

MrsTinks

It sounds like quite frankly he's a mean selfish horrible man! Have you told him how you are feeling? You say its like he's enjoying this? You mean making you feel like this? I'm sorry but I wouldn't find that exceptable from a stranger let alone someone who was supposed to be there as my equal and my soulmate!
Leave him to deal with things on his own for a week and see how he copes - tell him he is driving you at 90mph towards a nervousbreakdown and right now you need his support, not his whining, moaning and selfish [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL]!
I know it's tough but you gotta stand up for yourself If I could come round kicking him in the butt for you I would!

GeorgeUK

Got to agree with tine. Was getting so angry reading your last post LM.
You are falling apart and have ZERO support at home.
Are you expected to do all the shopping, cleaning and ironing too?

You're going to be no use to anyone let alone yourself if you continue like this. Pleeeeaaaasse go back to the doctor and tell her how you feel. Print off this thread for her to read.

Just because hubby is having a bad time it's no excuse to take it out on you or expect you to pick up the slack.

See that big "S" in the middle of your top?
Didn't think so. This superhuman effort you are making is making you ill and you need to stop before serious damage is done.

We're here if you need us.
George

elona

What all the others have said but with knobs on!!!!

You know in your heart why your Ibs is flaring up.

An animal would not be expected to bear the physical,financial and emotional burden that you have had to!!!

Then to be insulted and belittled because you do not have the same amount of qualifications as his highness!!!

Maybe if you had someone working and slaving away for you while you studied, then you could!!!

I agree that he cannot help being ill but he seems to enjoy being in a position of power and sneering at you for being unable to "square the circle".

Is there a friend or relative you could go to for a week to let your health improve a little?

Black Saturn has a link to her site on "emotional abuse" - please try to read it.

Sorry if I have been too blunt and offended you.

DH has more qualifications than I do (I have a BSc and he is chartered in two professions) but it would never occur to him to belittle me for it.

In our view we are equals and working together even if we differ in our approaches and methods.

Wol2

Hi Louise honey

I read your courageous post early this afternoon...... and have been thinking all day about what I can say that will help you at this very difficult time. Thank you to Merlot and everyone else who has posted with their observations, insights and help. Sometimes when we're in the thick of it, it might be difficult/uncomfortable to take on board some of the information or advice in the posts .....but I'm sure you know Louise that everyone here is concerned for you, clearly cares a great deal about you....and just wants to support you while you work things out for yourself.

You are not alone. We are all here. Talk to us, PM us....as and when you feel able. But above all, Louise, please keep coming back to your thread...and please, most importantly, no matter what pressure is brought to bear on you (by yourself or others)....please do not become isolated from all the caring people who you know are here to help support you now , without passing any judgement. You have helped and supported so many people......now it is your turn to receive.

I really feel for you now.... because some of the things you have said took me back to a situation i was in over 10 years ago....and how difficult it was at the time to understand why I felt so bad...and why, despite what everyone else was saying...I just couldn;t work out what was best for me in my own head.....because my perceptions of what was "right" and "wrong" , "good" and "bad" or "acceptable" and "unacceptable" were all over the place. And also I thought that if only I tried harder, then I would feel better and then everything else would be better. I was extremely confused.... became cut off from all my friends and family..(because when I spoke to them I ended up feeling worse as a result)...and dependent upon one person for approval and "validation" of my own self-worth. It took me several years to work out why I felt so confused, alone and worthless, and start to understand what was really going on so that in the end I could make the right decisions for me and my wellbeing. And most importantly i realised that actually the problem wasn't what I had thought it was...i.e. I finally began to understand that I (my actions/behaviour/thoughts) was NOT the real problem......

I am also extremely concerned for your well being at the moment. The despondency, the "silly things happening", the IBS, the weight loss, the "acting" with the GP....all those are indications that you are clearly under a great deal of mental and physical stress at the moment....and as you say, you have had enough and who could dispute that? No-one. There is only so much stress our emotions/brain/body can take.....before they finally say..that's it, we've had enough.....we're shutting down now for a while because we can't take any more at the moment. (There is a very real reason why they say on the flight safety announcements...put on your own oxygen mask before you help other people!)

It is really important at this time that you are gentle with yourself and look after yourself.....You are a special person and you deserve to be valued as such...by yourself and by others. So perhaps you need to put yourself first at this time..before anyone else. And as part of that you need to ensure that you have some headspace, some good deep breaths of oxygen and some time for yourself to sort out what is going on for you at the moment...And perhaps you need to do this away from the influence of any negative input/judgements about you that you may have received from OH, friends, family or whoever......because your self-esteem and confidence are clearly very very low at the moment....and you clearly care very much about what other people think of you.

There have been some good suggestions on here...Talking to the Samaritans or, if you can, perhaps getting some counselling (via the GP?) might be beneficial at this time. The suggestion of staying somewhere different for a few days is also a good one... even though you might feel at the moment that it would create even more problems if you did. What is most important at the moment is that whatever you decide to do to create your own headspace, you do it because it will make you personally feel better....not anyone else...and that you don;t decide against something merely to "keep the peace" if it actually feels right for you. In view of the stress you are under at the moment it might not be a good idea to increase your efforts to keep everyone else happy at the further expense of your own wellbeing....no matter how guilty you might feel as a result.


I have a book....it was really helpful to me...a LBM!! If you wish to follow up on this or just want a chat.... please PM me.

Take care Louise...stay strong.... keep faith with yourself........and remember we are all here for you. Please keep posting.

Big hugs
Wol2
xx