Worn out.

phoenixchick

I'm having a bad case of deja vu! The 'I don't like xxx' when he has been eating it for the past 7+ years . Expecting the bills etc to be paid without actually doing anything! My favourite is when I get home from work after him (on one day he had been at home since lunch time and I got home at 6:30) and he asks what is for dinner !

He is lovely though .

I think you are right about us creating the situation at times - there are several things that my dad can't do around the house because my mum says it's on a need to know basis and he doesn't need to know! I've found myself doing the same.

calleyw

It is not easy we went from a two income family to a one income family due to my husband illness. He went in hospital for tests and did not come out for 3 months :eek:

I was left running the household and paying the bills as well as spending a couple hundred a month on fuel due to hospital visiting everyday on a rubbish wage.

Mind you as I was never home had a really tidy house

His illness has had a major impact on our life as it has left him disabled for the rest of his life as well as having a acquired brain injury at 44(a stroke to you and me )

We are lucky as we had/have no debts apart from mortgage. But life has got a lot harder with all appointments for him et etc.

Make sure you are claiming Incapacity Benefit if he is no longer be paid by work. If he has care needs than claim DLA and working tax credits etc. Pop over to the benefits board.

You will get through but it is hard.

All the best.


Yours


Calley

HannahandMark

I was coming on here to offer support to a fellow person suffering. Somehow this thread has been turned into a !!!!!-fest rant against men.

I will go elsewhere ladies.

Mark. (Who, in this household, does all the shopping, cooking, washing up and helps with the other household chores.)

hopeless_case_2

Hi hannahandMark just to say there is an apology in an earlier thread to any men who are not like the ones being described. I found it quite funny some of the things said. But then i am a woman!

kyh

kyh wrote: »

Louise

You said he is/was an academic - I take it from that either a college or university lecturer. Why not try these people - used to be National Union of Teachers. They have a helpline and may be able to put you in touch with either someone who can advise about support for your husband as he is unwell or support for you.


http://www.teachersupport.info/

I also think a lot (not all) of men feel out of control when we take charge of the finances etc - my hubby is the same at the moment - almost as if we are doing there job for them and they don't like it so they will go into their cave and sulk about it. Being sarcastic is just their way of trying to say - it should be me doing that and I don't feel like a real man because you are . Please remember that although we have evolved over thousands of years there is still the hunter gathherer instinct to "protect" the family and provide for them and in his current situation being ill menas he has had to give that up. He feels as if he isn't even able to do his job as a man for his wife and family. Women have suddenly over the past 60 years come into there own and although we have "evolved" to understand we can do things previously we were told we couldn't like work and raise a family and sometimes we are actually quite good at things such as people management and multi tasking - it doesn't mean all men have evolved emotionally enough to accept and support that - even if they are very intelligent. I am not saying this is true of all men so please do not jump down my throat but it is true of some.

It may be that by empathising with him- eg understanding what he may be feeling, loss of health, loss of freedom, loss of control it may give you a better insight into how to help him and therfore yourself.

Sorry that was much longer than I planned to write and if you don't agree with what I say that is fine - just my personal view on these things.

Mark

As I said in my post quoted above I didn't think this applied to all men just how some of them may feel - I hope I have not offended you - I did not mean to it wasn't aimed at anyone just as I said my thoughts on what may/maynot be affecting Louise's husband at the moment in her situation.

KYH

Mrs_Weasley

Louise

hope you are feeling ok today :grouphug: just in case you need it!!!!

i did much the same as you on monday posted a good moan and felt miles better for it, big thanks for that, hope all goes well at docs, i'm off to mine next week hopefully getting hrt then i won't be such an emotional wreck
i can tell you from experience anti ds do work, obviously they don't make debt or for some oh go away (wouldn't that be nice:rotfl: )but at least you can cope better!

big hugs bess xx

blue_monkey_2

Ooh no, it was not aimed at all men Mark - go and read the start of them again as there was an initial apology and it was aimed at my husband and then a couple of others joined in. We all said that not all men were like that so please don't take it like that - just that my husband is like that and if you don't laugh and joke about it you get annoyed instead.

Please accept my apologies Mark, it was not a anti-men rant, the things I wrote were about my husband - not all men. Am I digging deeper....

Sorry.

HHH_2

Hi Louise glad you went to see your Dr but sorry you had no joy. great you've got another appointment on Monday, Drs are only human and they're not all good so keep on trying until you are HEARD! I find it helpful to write down what I want to say before I see the doc that way I dont get sidetracked and forget. As for your OH you have a choice over listeneing to harmfull comments some people have suggested it's because of the way he is feeling and they are right but that doesn't mean you have to take those comments on board and feel bad about yourself.You are obviously a strong capable woman but sometimes even superwoman gets a little sick and tired of all that life throws at them.hopefully you are looking after yourself and being kind to yourself. good luck on mondayx

Pobby

Well confesion time.I do quite a bit of work from home and my wife goes out to work.I admit I am untidy but I do try to do something to help out.Generally do the cooking,shopping and hoovering.I used to do a fair bit of ironing but somehow I have let that go.I am not allowed to get near to the washing machine tho.Not sure why as I have on many occasions offered to do a wash.

So my report say``Makes effort but room for improvement``---LOL

1_step_closer

Had to reply to this one Pobby! I refuse to let my hubby anywhere near the washing machine as he turned all my bras grubby grey. Mixed up whites, coloured and black. And when I said "what on earth have you done??????????" his response was "the washing. I was helping."

hmm!