Worn out.

louisemarie

I am so sorry to post this. I am a VERY long time regular but I just cannot take things anymore. I have cleared over 8k of debt but we still have over 7.5k left and now my husband has been taken seriously ill. He has left his wonderful(33k)job and I cannot cope any more. I deal with all of the !!!!!! he wants us to be debt free but without the "nasty bits" so I do all of the letters and phone calls. Was in control until last week. Now I cannot take anymore. We have a (smallish)student loan; 3 capital one cards total £2,466; two small debts total £702 and Thames credit who we owe £1732.They ring ALL the time 4-8 times a dayy. I have been told by husbannd to "SORT IT" I can't anymore. I did have an arrangement with them but now cannot meet the obligations. Its ironic really you would be SO shocked if you knew who I am. Hey want a SOA looked at-no problem. Our SOA is leaner than a greyhound but I simply cannot take anymore. If I had ANYTHING in this house I would have taken it by now. I know-I have "spoken" to folks on here before but i am weary, broken and just so tired.Thanks for reading and thanks for everything.

Beerworshipper

Hey Louisemarie hang in there, you're doing a wonderful job, you've come so far and achived sooooo much. Although your going through some 'dark' times right now, please stay with it and try to see the positives, feel free to vent in here - its one of the best quaities of these boards.

Have a big moneysaving hug from me (I don't know how to use the smileys so no special grpahics with that I'm afraid).

tylersbabe

Hi louise marie

One of the beautys of these boards is that we can remain anonomous. Yet even with this there are lots of people out there who are willing to help us (the magic of a virtual world :rolleyes:)

Just wanted to back up what beerworshiper has already said, there are so many people out there to help or just listen (read) our rants.

Better ranting on these boards than "taking anything", as I have read on these boards money issues can be sorted some how. Remember it is you and your husband who are important in this. Especially after the difficult news you are both having to deal with due to his illness.

Sorry of no real practicle help am sure others will be along to help soon.

((((((HUG))))))

boredofbeingathome

:hello:Hi, so sorry to hear you feel like this, as you are a regular you know everyone hits a crisis point then once you've hit rock bottom only way is up.So grab a mug of tea and get thinking cap on.
Practicality check list.
1. Are you claiming everything you are entitled to- if so does it cover essential outgoings?
2. It maybe worth posting SOA, again to see if anyone can suggest extra help-you never know with a fresh pair of eyes.
3. Try and up your income- with all the challenges on here for bingo, mystery shopping etc
4.Dealing with creditors ringing constantly- not good when everything going belly up at home, see links on letters etc for sorting them. In meantime refuse to deal with them on phone, get caller display or change phone no. Just to give you a break- pull phone from socket during times they tend to ring and never answer security questions.
5. Has hubby permanently left job? Will he be able to get leave whilst he recovers, or sick pay?or is he just threatening? sorry for asking but wasn't sure from your post.
6. Will he be able to take burden off your shoulders for a bit whilst he is at home?
7. Ring one of the debt charity helplines and get some further advice
8. Hugs and large mug of cocoa in your hour of need x:coffee: :grouphug:

Sue-UU

Hi louisemarie,

As other have said and it's true, you've come so very far and are over1/2 way with your debts and that's one heck of a distance to have travelled. PLEASE don't give up on everything now, there's no point. It sounds as though hubby's illness is making him a little low and that maybe it's you he's taking it out on. Natural in a way, so long as it's NOT for long! Just how serious is the illness and how long could it last? I hope you don't mind me asking.

Have you looked at entitledto.com to see if there's anything you haven't thought of that you may be able to claim for? Can't help but agree with boredofbeingathome about putting a new SOA on to see if we can help further.

It's never worth considering "taking anything", battle on and get to the part where you say "Thank God, I kept going and struggling on with it and got to the winning post!" It'll happen, you just need to keep being strong and coping and asking your hubby to please help you in the fight to get debt-free. Maybe he feels he's letting you down at the moment, I hope that's the case at least.

Take care louisemarie and keep in touch with us for support and hopefully, added strength. All best wishes and many, many hugs.

Love, Sue x

SmoSmo

I just want to repeat what the others have said and say hang on in there you have made such a dent in your debt already which you should be so proud of. Wish you and your family all the best and hope you find the strength to battle on xx

MrsTinks

I think most of us have hit low points in our journey towards DFday... As a regular long timer here I bet you know that already People hit rock bottom and then they work their way back again. I think you need to shake your hasband up a little and tell him what his lack of support is doing to you. Tell him how you're feeling - he married you for better or for worse, he might be ill but so are you right now! Have you been to see your GP to see if they can refer you to any support groups?
I think step one is speaking to your OH... Is there a family member or friend you can go have a really good talk to? Someone who can be supportive and help you psycologically?
You know we're always here when you need us and if you want then PM me and I'll send you my e-mail address.
Chin up chuck

stapeley

HI , maybe its time for a differant tac . To start are these debt with DCA,s ? It is not right that they keep phoning you . Take control by writing to all of them ,ask them not to ring you . Say you will be noting all calls and they maybe reported for harrasment . You could always change your phone number. Secondly you could request the CCA and notice of assignment . Many people are finding in lots of cases the DCA do not have these . in which case the debt may be unenfoceable . You must have seen posts on this . SO have a look at those . good luck

benbenandme

It sounds to me as though the problem isn't so much the devts, you are clearly doing a great job of clearing them already ... it sounds like its more an issue about the lack of support from dh ??

Sorry if that sounds out of order, I don't mean to be but it is hard enough clearing debts and staying on the straight and narrow without having to prop up someone else on the way :rolleyes: Could you make him sit down with you and chat about it all? I know that often isn't really an option but with a bit if back up you may fine renewed enthusiasm and motivation for the rest of the journey?? Big hugs xx

HHH_2

As a long time poster you may well have been one of the people who has helped me. When I thought I had no one to turn to and the debt was taking over my whole life someone like you or maybe it was you took the trouble to offer me some words of kindness and made me understand that money and especially the lack of it is not the be all and end all. Remember all the times you have helped someone on these boards. Your situation has changed due to your husbands illness and no doubt on top of everything else that is making you depressed. Depression as many will tell you is an illness please get yourself to the doctor and explain just how you are feeling also have a chat with the samaritans. despite everything that has been written recently about anti depressants not working THEY DO they lift your mood enough to be able to deal with the stuff life throws at you. You have made huge progress along the debt free road and it is exhuasting at times. let your husband see your original post despite his illness maybe it's time for him to take the load off your shoulders for a while. I hope things get easier for you soon xx

louisemarie

firstly may I say thank you for your kind replies. I will try to answer some of the points but husband is a !bit better today" and has got a few things to do. (for me to do to be honest) Regarding a SOA well, perhaps later when he is in bed, I dont think its too bad but am always glad of input. things since my other self(if you see what I mean)posted a SOA include selling my car we have a 12year old car that is fine and very cheap to run. Renting our garage to our next door but one neihgbour(who is dead nice and trustworthy- I got a very old freezer from freecycle as additional space and is situated in garrage. (Great idea has saved me loads I have got it full of yellow stickered and whoopsies items)Gone part time at my main job(was 38hours)and taken a 20 hour job at the same place. This is not as stupid as it sounds as it enabled me to take on a second job which works out far better. I mystery shop and take surveys. Additionally I make communion and christning gowns in my spare time. Haven't got room for wedding dresses sadly. The mystery shop money paid out car insurance in Nov and I save the survey stuff to enable me to get christmas gifts. However, we still owe loads and i still feel awful. I WILL go to my GP this week i promise cant cope with feeling like this. I do so wish it would all just go away. I wish my parents were still alive. I have never felt like this I am trying to shake myself up but right now it is more difficult than I ever thought it would be. Will post later when husband is asleep(can here him moving arround and can do without the additional dramas finding this would cause.) Again thank you.