Family Holiday - in the dog house!

CAFCGirl

piptom&AndyPandy wrote: »

Update - my brother and sister refused to pay extra - more my brother & Sister-in-Law. I visited my mum yesterday as not able to see her on Mothering Sunday only for her to throw a fit about it, telling me we were out of order, my husband tried to reason but she made it all about her and how she's survived being on a DMP before and how she feels if we really wanted to go we'd pay a little each week - totally missing the reasoning. But try as I may she simply couldn't get it, she said I may as well take back the card and flowers we'd bought her as we couldn't afford it was like dealing with a child. She then exclaimed that she'd got 5000 pension pay - paid £1800 to our wedding, I was like here we go this will be thrown back each time! But in the end I got a text from my sister telling me to pay £350 and she'd pay the rest. Now i'm in a dilema I don't feel it's fair for her to front the full bill but it appears my brother is refusing, she told me it'd have to be between us, but now we're clear it won't be much of a holiday and we would rather save a little and have our honeymoon, but not sure what to do now - any help appreciated. XXX

Sorry to jump in just on the end of this but I've only just read through the whole thing....

In my eyes here are the facts:

You cannot afford the holiday at this price

You could possibly run the risk of losing your DMP should you magically find the money to pay for this holiday... Sorry I'm not really sure how they work but if I was a mortgage lender and someone wasn't paying but yet went on a holiday for 1k, I'd be pretty p*ssed off too!

Your sister/sister in law whoever it was that booked it should have covered their own back so they didnt lose out by establishing with all parties a budget.. thats just sensible management in any situation

RE what your Mother said, quite frankly why should you want to spend your spare time with someone who thinks its acceptable to talk to you like that! It's utterly atrocious and I can bet she wouldnt accept you talking to her like that!

I would possibly mention to my mother at some point that you hadn't realised that her helping out with the wedding was a loan or came with strings attached, you had seen it as a gift... and that in light of what happened when you were 19, you wnt ask her for the money she owes you as she paid toward the wedding so the 2 of you are now square on that footing?!

As for your sister very generous offer but I dont think you should do anything behind anyone's back/in secret as it will eventually come out and theres nothing to say your sister wont want the money back some day (even if it does seem like a gift right now) if her circumstances change, and then you'll have ended up in the long run paying the full whack for the holiday anyway!

Stick to your guns and just keep reminding yourself that you cannot afford this holiday, which is an over priced luxury, there are more important things in life!

Sorry to have sounded a bit gung-ho but after reading the whole thread and then what your mother said, I'm actually livid for you!

chevalier

yep i am with CAFCGirl above. Why would you want to spend time with your mother when she kicks off like this? I would still not go. You still can't afford it
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skylight

Can't afford it. Don't forget you need to factor in spending money when you get there! Self Catering? What arrangements have been made towards food etc?

Hope things work out.
xx

piptom&AndyPandy

This would be a self catering holiday, so would need money when got there. My husband was sooo shocked at my mum, she is a very jealous woman and hates the relationship between my father and me. Which is distressing seeing as they are still married. Basically she compares things constantly, for example I bought my dad a watch pocket - gold plated and had it engraved with to a wonderful dad love always Pippa and put the wedding date on, it was my way of thanking him for me there for me and never judging me. Anyway I chose the standard boquet for my mum and picked the flowers by hand, she accused me of her only getting flowers, and my sister said she was terribly upset. I was gobsmacked, I managed to get my dad's present the DFW way - tesco vouchers and goldsmiths! but still it hurt me she didn't appreciate the gift at all. In my DH words - "she turned everything around to be about her". She's had this complex since I was about 10 - I won't got into details but an horrific time for me. Anyway so I can't see going away in August would be fun at alll, what with petrol etc. I'm sure if I had kids then the big family holiday would make sense, but currently it's appearing pretty rubbish. I've not replied to my sister but I think I will ring her and explain tonight.
XXX

chevalier

I don't think I had noticed before your sig, with how much debt you are in! If they know it is this much you would think your sister /sister in law would have more sense.

I am sorry to hear your mum is so jealous of your dad. But it reinforces for me that going on holiday with them would be bad enough, BUT then on top of this you are going to be sharing a caravan with them so NO PRIVACY at all. Not my idea of a good time I am afraid.

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ladypinkof66

i can understand how you feel about having to pay more - there are three children in my family - my sister, me and brother, both sister and brother have two children each i have none yet on family outings the cost is still shared between only 3 so in fact i am paying for their children, i dont have children by choice it is just unfortunate that i have never been able to get pregnant i think your sister is totally being out of order and sorry but your mother is too, to expect you to pay not only for yourself but a share towards theirs.
the cost of £750 per caravan does seem more than steep to me i would rather spend the money on a cheap spain holiday with easy jet flights and book your own accommodation i have been able to do this for about only £150 per week each.
Good luck but i do know how you must be feeling

Little_Miss_Shopaholic

Sorry I have only just read all of this too and I too am livid for you.

I wouldn't want to go on holiday with my Mum if she spoke to me like that or my family if they were so unsmypathetic to your situation and I think I would be asking her and your sister for the money back they owe you!

I hope you get this sorted

arthur_dent_2

I genuinely cannot believe that anyone would think that £1500 for 2 static caravans is reasonable. I am going on 4 holidays this year and we are still looking at less than £600 in total. I am so sorry that you are in a situation where you are being treated so badly for being less well off. You are in a huge amount of debt but you are being a grown up and tackling it, I hope that one day your selfish family will see this.

MrsTinks

Sometimes I think it is very sad that we can't choose our family like we can our friends...
I have an od relationship to my parents, I'm VERY independant and it's mainly because I spent a lot of years living just with my dad - who certainly loves me! but he's not real big on the displaying of feelings etc. I know he loves me and he knows I love him and that's all we need. We've gone years without really talking when he was married to a lady I didn't get on with and any annual or bi-annual visit was a dreaded occurence. I couldn't have imagined being cooped up with them in a small caravan, finances aside, for a while week! I know she's your mum but I get the feeling you've pretty much moved on past the need for her approval? If she is jealous of your dad then let it be HER problem. You have your own problems and I don't think she'll be reasonable about this so don't let it eat away at you. Speak to the nice sister and say thanks but no thanks. Personally I'd speak to the sister who owes you money and ask for it in 30 days time, after that you'll be applying intrest at bank of england rate and see how her face turns into a prize lemon sucker Do if nothing else then for the sheer satisfaction

mpet

Lets be clear- you need to think of yourself your DH and your debt first. Sorry for saying this but I think your family are being totally unreasonable about the whole thing. I know we are all different, but if it were me, I would have to tell them so - STRAIGHT and then if they wanted nothing to do with me so be it - it would not seem much of a loss. Tell them you CAN'T go, buy a nice personal pressie for Dad (which I am sure will mean as much to him if not more than a holiday) and leave it at that.