Family Holiday - in the dog house!

zebidee1

Will_I_ever_learn? wrote: »

Hi Pip,

Are your family aware of your financial situation? If they are, then I don't think it was a very good suggested present - not very sensitive to you! Far better to have a family party at home to celebrate, rather than a full on holiday!

However, if they're not fully aware, I would have to go against the consensus and say that I would expect to pay a third of the total cost, with or without kids in tow, as it's a gift from the 3 children and their families...
If I were in your shoes, I would state what my max budget was and suggest going on a cheaper holiday... Best of luck in any case!

I agree with this too although it does seem to go against the majority so far. I think the kids are irrelevent, there are 3 adult parties (not counting Mum & Dad so 3 incomes to split it by plus third shares of Mum & Dad's cost.

No point in discussing other things now like the caravan being too dear or crying kids, that should have been dealt with by all parties at the start.

Maybe your sis thinks you are just being tight? Have you actually sat your family down and clearly explained your financial position to them?

Edited to add...I don't want to seem uncaring, if I was in your position I wouldn't be happy at being expected to shell out that much either, I was trying to see it from your sis's pov too. Given your circumstances, I really think you should discuss this fully .......soon. Good luck.

RoxieW

I think you should pay a third. Gets a bits petty when you start splitting into childs' shares. That said, if we go for a meal with our kids and childless friends then we always pay our kids and then split the remainder. Still, maybe you should have been a bit more proactive rather then assuming the cost and assuming where you were going. I'm the organiser among my family and friends and everyones more than happy to leave the research, the booking, the co-ordinating to me - no one gives me any help or input and I get alot of 'whatever - not bothered's when I ask anyones opinions. But then they like a good moan if things aren't to their liking. I feel like saying - sort it yourself then!!
Plus - if its a caravan then the kids will prob be in a small twin room or even in the lounge. Would you be happy in the kids room or are you expecting a double. Point being - if you start getting petty then divide it according to who gets the best rooms etc. Not really worth getting into. As another said - 3 incomes so it should be split 3 ways.

piptom&AndyPandy

They're aware of the situation as there was big family discussion when recently the house was about to be reposessed not that one of them dug in their pockets and offered to help, in the end my 2 best-friends loaned me some money to stop the reposession, despite 1 being on less salary than me and 1 be disabled and on benefits, I was amazed! When I did speak to my sister in law about it she was so well high and mighty about it - she said they didn't even ask about the cost because it was being delt with - I guess this is a beneift of having an income over x 2 mine and dh joint. The total cost was 1558 for both. DH also thought this was steep apparently it's a bronze caravan at a park in devon, to be honest we went without a honeymoon and feel we could have had a week abroad for this. Money is just so tight, I was amazed she felt we'd be able to afford it. I haven't heard anything today, but no doubt I will later from my brother.

Will-I-ever-learn - I was like you re meals before all this started we used to go out with a couple who had two kids - our godchildren, and we'd split the bill 50/50 until we realised we were paying for their kids, we couldn't afford it - so I guess now i'd barter my bit down!

Thanks everyone i'll let you know how it goes

bathgatebuyer

Unfortunately a lot of people who haven't been in debt are ignorant of it. I had someone at work as me why I wasn't going for a team lunch, and I said it was too expensive at a tenner. I just afford to blow a weeks shopping on one lunch. She was stunned!

Those who don't have debt - or who haven't faced up to their own yet - have no idea the stress, strain and budget it leaves you with. Your family are lucky they haven't had to be in that situation, but if they are aware of yours, then there's no reason for them to be like this with you.

piptom&AndyPandy

RoxieW wrote: »

I think you should pay a third. Gets a bits petty when you start splitting into childs' shares. That said, if we go for a meal with our kids and childless friends then we always pay our kids and then split the remainder. Still, maybe you should have been a bit more proactive rather then assuming the cost and assuming where you were going. I'm the organiser among my family and friends and everyones more than happy to leave the research, the booking, the co-ordinating to me - no one gives me any help or input and I get alot of 'whatever - not bothered's when I ask anyones opinions. But then they like a good moan if things aren't to their liking. I feel like saying - sort it yourself then!!
Plus - if its a caravan then the kids will prob be in a small twin room or even in the lounge. Would you be happy in the kids room or are you expecting a double. Point being - if you start getting petty then divide it according to who gets the best rooms etc. Not really worth getting into. As another said - 3 incomes so it should be split 3 ways.

Roxie - i'm not dividing it between head number which would be petty in my opinion as can't expect to pay for a baby!! but when it affects the size of what is needed I'm afraid I feel it's unfair to foot the bill this way. I understand what you're saying about "not bothered" responses - but mine I haven't been like that at all. I was always interested and keen to know what's going. Being the youngest I just get things thrust on me. Like being told (not asked) to drop my brother and dad off on way home - no donation to petrol for holiday (it's about 100 mile trip) and no acknowlegement that the route is actually out of my way as I live in a different city to them - but I was told. I think at the end of day it comes down to family dynamics. Yours seem a little unfair to me.

zebidee1

piptom&AndyPandy wrote: »

They're aware of the situation as there was big family discussion when recently the house was about to be reposessed not that one of them dug in their pockets and offered to help

Well if that's the case then I'd ask them why they went ahead a booked a holiday of that cost without running it by you first, given that they know how bad your financial situation is.

I agree that people without money problems have little or no understanding of those that do, so it may be that they just genuinely haven't got a clue what this amount means to you. Only you know what kind of people they are normally.

Good luck. Don't be pushed into an even worse financial situation over this.

carrottopsuk

Sorry if I'm not following properly. However, this is how I see it:

If you had all decided to book into a hotel instead of a caravan, you would have expected to pay per room.

ie you & your partner would have paid for your room plus 1/3 share of your parent's room.

The rest of your family would have paid for their own rooms, a third of your parents room plus any rooms that their children needed.

Are the children getting their own rooms in the caravan?

Also, although they may not have been able/or wanted to help you financially with your home being repossessed, I agree that they should have shown more consideration over cost and agreed it with you properly before booking.

RoxieW

Hiya - sorry, dont mean to come across as harsh. just sharing my opinion. Like I said, we always pay extra for our kids in these kinds of situations. But I dont understand how you're not splitting by head count if you're wanting to just pay for one room and expect the couples to pay for two rooms? And with a caravan you're getting more than a room - you're also getting living space.
I do agree that it seems very expensive for a bronze caravan - which is the lowest standard - and you are right, you could have had a week abroad for £500. BUT, really its too late now. You should have been clear from the off and said we can only afford x amount or we cant go. Your sister has rightly or wrongly booked it now and will be out of pocket if you decide not to go.
The way I see it, a trip away thats to celebrate your parents birthday should be split between the 3 adult parties.

carrottopsuk

RoxieW wrote: »

Your sister has rightly or wrongly booked it now and will be out of pocket if you decide not to go.
The way I see it, a trip away thats to celebrate your parents birthday should be split between the 3 adult parties.

Hi Roxie, :hello:

No offence but I agree that paying for the parent's share should be split three ways but why pay for someone else's children to have a room?

Why be penalised because the sister in law hasn't got the patience or courtesy to wait for confirmation that the price was ok? It's the way she has divided up the cost that is wrong.

JoeHel

Sorry, but sounds to me like the worse kind of hell, not a holiday!!

Caravan holidays were always a great cheap alternative but these days you'd have had a much better deal going abroad. I'd stick to my guns. As a childless couple I get VERY fed up of parents trying to force part of the cost of their little darlings on me...