The Spendaholics Anonymous Thread!

kiiabby

Yeah, tomorrow I am canceling all but one of my bank accounts and getting rid of any credit I have with the exception of my interest free overdraft. I think this, VERY careful spending and getting a lump sum to bail myself out will mean I shouldn't have to get any closer to the dreaded B word. I'm at a point where it's serious, but the damage is reversible so long as I can take control of my spending.

The spending diary is a great idea. I've tried it before but I've not really thought about recording my mood as well. It could shed some light on the reasons why this keeps happening. To stop myself spending I'm going to ask myself "do I really want to watch my car get repossessed?" every time I find myself with random items in my hand whilst in shops. I've only just passed my driving test so I'm hoping this is going to be exactly the kind of deterrent I need to break the habit of uncontrollable spending.

poorandindenial

Kiiabby, if you feel like you are fast approaching BR then you would do well to speak to one of the debt counselling charities (CCCS, CAB etc - here's a link to a list of them)

You have probably seen them in other threads on here but they will be able to give you some good advice about what you can do. The CCCS website has a debt remedy thing that you put your personal info into and then it will give you a summary of your options which you can do now (you can also call them during the week to talk to a real live person)

There isn't a debt problem on here that can't be solved, it might not be easy or straightforward but there will be a way to get this sorted.

I take out an amount in cash every thursday and try to make myself stick to only spending that - seeing the oney go down has given me a new found understanding of the value of money. Also be fair to yourself. When you do well be pleased with yourself, if you go astray a couple of times then don't beat yourself up too hard about it, chalk it up to experience and then restart with renewed oomph. If you are too hard on yourself then you will just make yourself miserable and wil be more likely to go on a big blow out. Don't foget to leave a small amount in your budget for 'luxuries' so that you can treat yourself from time to time.

xtessx

Hi CS and everyone,

Been reading through the latest posts and good to know there are others in the same compulsive mindset. I am wondering whether it could be a kind of mental illness (or is that just an excuse?) My sister brother and parents are all the same as me, my parents have been in terrible debt all their lives but have still bailed me out countless times. My brother was lucky to meet a woman who took over his finances and sorted him out.

I have found that keeping a spending diary helps me a lot. It makes me look twice at everything i am spending. I didn't think to record my moods too, that is a good idea.

We have sold our house now to have a fresh start, raised enough to clear all our debts and start again in rented with a small amount left. I am determined not to get into the same problems all over again, so I will post regularly and try to keep on top of things.

We can help each other. Keep posting!

tess x

fritzbrain

xtessx wrote: »

Hi CS and everyone,

Been reading through the latest posts and good to know there are others in the same compulsive mindset. I am wondering whether it could be a kind of mental illness (or is that just an excuse?) My sister brother and parents are all the same as me, my parents have been in terrible debt all their lives but have still bailed me out countless times. My brother was lucky to meet a woman who took over his finances and sorted him out.

I don't think it's just an excuse. It's a form of OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). I have a link to test yourself here:

http://www.ocdcentre.com/assessments.php

I score a 51 and asked a shrink friend of mine about it. She wants me to go into real therapy.

We are intelligent people, and yet we do things like compulsive spending even when we know it's not right. We worry, we get all racked with guilt. It's substituting for something lacking, or merely perceived as lacking. I for one need to channel my energies somewhere else. I have to stop trying to define myself through the things I have.

EmptyPurse

I'm so glad I found this thread - at least I know I'm not alone! Honestly, I manage to spend so much money on stuff I don't really need - don't ask me where it all goes.

Actually, I think I might just qualify for the most random compulsive purchase of the week. A solid silver vintage egg cup (1920's) that just happened to be engraved with my initials. What on earth was I thinking?????? I came across it on Ebay and just had to have it.

Part of my problem is loneliness and part of it is boredom at work. I've tried desperately hard over the years to address both problems but nothing I try ever seems to improve the situation. So I just keep on spending to fill that void in my life. I finally met a lovely man eight months ago and thought he was 'the one' so spent even more money on underwear, going away etc. Then we split up very unexpectedly a few weeks ago and I've been spending like mad to cheer myself up. Of course it doesn't work but I can't seem to stop anyway.

But maybe, now I've found this thread, I might actually be able to start tackling things head on. Fingers crossed.

poorandindenial

I scored 63 on the OCD test, was only surprised it wasn't higher (but then I am not in the 'disinfect constantly' camp which made up a large proportion of the questions)

compulsivespender79

Ooh bloody hell I scored a 77 on the OCD self assessment!:eek:

Guess we know now why I needed to start the thread in the first place!

I have two new obsessions now, that hopefully will supercede the compulsion to spend;
I am now a compulsive Ebay neutral-er. At the moment I am totally addicted to spending what I earn on Ebay.
I have started a health/fitness regime, which is taking me over somewhat. I only started yesterday, but have already had salad 3 times for lunch/tea!
I have two stone to lose, so I just hope that the obsession lasts long enough for me to do it! How on earth do you cope with the permanently hungry feeling?!?!?

Welcome to kiiaby and emptypurse - I'll get round to issuing your member numbers soon (and you fritzbrain!).

xtessx

Hi CS and everyone,

Thank you Fritz for the insight. I scored 54. I am obsessive about some things, like eating out in public and dirty door handles, etc, but the opposite about others (throwing things away, hoarding, etc). But what I notice about myself most is that I research my worries all the time on the internet, and imagine disasters happening to my loved ones.

I have tried really hard to change my spending ways lately, some days I win and others are disastrous, maybe I will change eventually but slower than I'm accepting.

You guys are great!:A

Tess xxx

Little_Chicken

Hi all - glad to see you've all returned.

The halo slipped this weekend I'm afraid. I spent £80 on a new top. I felt sooooooooooooo unbelievably guilty - a reaction I'v never really experienced with spending before.:eek:

I'm positive I can get back to being good again though - after all I managed it for 8 weeks.:T

Still no job on the horizon, which is damn depressing, but the sun is out in London and that is making me smile.:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Apologies to you guys who are not sat on the patio, drinking cocktails as you type.


Ok - so I don't have a cocktail. By hey-ho!!!:rotfl:

fritzbrain

xtessx wrote: »

Hi CS and everyone,

Thank you Fritz for the insight. I scored 54. I am obsessive about some things, like eating out in public and dirty door handles, etc, but the opposite about others (throwing things away, hoarding, etc). But what I notice about myself most is that I research my worries all the time on the internet, and imagine disasters happening to my loved ones.

I have tried really hard to change my spending ways lately, some days I win and others are disastrous, maybe I will change eventually but slower than I'm accepting.

You guys are great!:A

Tess xxx

Glad to be of help! It can't be rushed. I thought it was something to get over. I was fooling myself. Once your guard slips... well, the stores are happy, but my bank account isn't!