The Spendaholics Anonymous Thread!

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  • bratz81
    bratz81 Posts: 673 Forumite
    yes I agree in a way, the act of shopping can be the addiction, although for me I see in a magazine/catalogue/on the street a model or someone thin and pretty wearing certain clothes, or makeup etc, and I think oh if only I had that I could also look that good.
    Then of course I buy it and bring it home and realise I still don't look that good, and never will because I'm too fat for the top, or the colour doesn't suit or whatever.

    So I think, for me anyway, I have to deal with those feelings of envy, and thinking I'm not as good as everyone else unless I'm also wearing xyz. Need to try to like myself as I am and not spend £££ chasing some unobtainable dream.
    carpe diem :cool:

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  • bratz81
    bratz81 Posts: 673 Forumite
    oh noes, I'm so failing at this and it's only 4 days after payday :(
    bought a red dress on ebay for £3.99 incl p&p. Not expensive I know, but I'm at the stage where I'm feeling guilty for buying anything at all right now.
    It is pretty and is the type of dress you can dress up or down...but still
    carpe diem :cool:

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  • vodkawitch1
    vodkawitch1 Posts: 1,033 Forumite
    My problem is I tend to justify my spending by buying things for other people, like my grown up children. I can go three or four days without spending anything, then i have to have a spending `hit`. Pathetic really but it is very hard to control.
    Make £2 a day challenge - doing well so far.
  • Alexa_A
    Alexa_A Posts: 14 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    edited 9 May 2017 at 5:01PM
    Hi all :)

    Firstly, have loved reading about your experiences and the heart-felt honesty. Thank you Compulsivespender79 for starting this thread. Hasn't been posted to in years, but hey, maybe someone will read anyway...

    Though not a spendaholic myself, I do have a family relation's story to share, who has never been able to get on top of his stratospheric spending.

    We've watched his life rollercoaster between delusional heights to tragic depths over decades. He's so far in, completely gripped by a habit thats trashed his life. He's lived in penthouses in his hey-day and now a damp room with rotting walls. Despite the cost he's paying with his mental health, progressive arthritis, he remains humble and has accepted his fate with dignity. He still has a few loyal friends, the ones that have escaped being sold up the river when he's got in a tight corner. I understand why he's judged so harshly by many, but as far as Im concerned, he's been ill for a longtime, complains to no-one, and asks for no charity. The sad part is him not wanting to get help for a condition that has ruled most of his life. His secrets don't help him either. Which is why I think threads like this are important and can be a big help to many.

    Perhaps, any spendaholics here might be able shed light on how banks have made credit so accessible for you?

    When I ask him how he's able to get credit so easily he becomes exasperated and says they just send him stuff in the post and that many shopaholics are affected by this.

    Credit agencies are so strict, I can't understand how they treat him/shopping addicts differently... can anyone relate? My inability to understand leaves a big missing link, as this is a clear trigger for him that sends him spiralling...

    Anyway, I did trawl for similar experiences, but the thread is quite long and didn't see anything similar in the pages I did scan.

    Whatever you're going through, whether spending or enduring, do stay strong and resilient. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

    Alex. x
  • daniele9390
    daniele9390 Posts: 19 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    I struggle to stop spending money too, I think I'm just about getting the hang of it now though. For me it's online shopping, like clothing, accessories, makeup etc. Things that I definitely don't need. When I do spend money I *try* to leave the goods in the basket for 3 / 4 hours before going through checkout. This usually means I think things through, for example last night I wanted to buy some tiny hoop earrings which were £11 for 2 pairs. I was convinced I needed it, waited 4 hours and then realised I only have 1 set of piercings so why do I need 2 pairs? I then only bought 1 set for £6. "saving" myself £5.
    Sounds silly doesn't it, but that's a start to me saying *no* to things.
    And lets face it, you've got to start somewhere!
  • debby
    debby Posts: 75 Forumite
    Great thread 👍
    You can add me to your roll of honour.
    I suffer anxiety and depression. I think my spending makes me feel better...but in the end it hasn't...just more depressed and more anxious 😩
    DEBBY :j
  • phillw
    phillw Posts: 5,593 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    edited 10 May 2017 at 11:43AM
    debby wrote: »
    Great thread ��
    You can add me to your roll of honour.
    I suffer anxiety and depression. I think my spending makes me feel better...but in the end it hasn't...just more depressed and more anxious ��

    All addictions are the same, whether it's food/cigarettes/alcohol/drugs/money/sex. You start out wanting to feel better about yourself, so you give yourself your reward but this reduces your sense of self and makes you feel guiltier about yourself. A lot of people have more than one addiction and when they manage to stop one, another pops up. Which is one of the reasons people put on weight when the stop smoking.

    So well done. Accepting that your mood can't be fixed by acting out with your addictions is an important step into recovery.

    To me depression is about regretting the past and anxiety is about fear of the future. If you can learn to accept the past has happened and you can't do anything about it, and live in the moment so you don't need to worry about the future then it can make it easier.

    I dealt with my food addiction by cutting out refined sugar/wheat/potatoes from my diet, when you do that then you pretty much have to stop eating all the bad processed food. My snack of choice was carrot sticks and hummus, it takes time to prepare and it's better for you than crisps. I went from being able to eat a 2kg bar of dairy milk, to going without chocolate for years. I even turn down the after dinner chocolates on a rare meal out. I lost 5 stone, although I ended up putting a stone back on but I've been stable for ages now. I binge occasionally on fruit/nuts/oats but I take a step back, a deep breath and get a healthy routine again.

    My spending addiction is mostly under control, it was never one of my primary addictions, but I do still have the occasional binge. Nothing dramatic and normal for most people. For me however it is a warning sign, as long as I step back and take a deep breath and start making healthy choices again then I give myself permission to not feel guilty.

    Twelve step programs aren't for everyone. But if you have an addiction then there is probably a 12 step group for it http://debtorsanonymous.org.uk/
    Alexa_A wrote: »
    Credit agencies are so strict, I can't understand how they treat him/shopping addicts differently... can anyone relate? My inability to understand leaves a big missing link, as this is a clear trigger for him that sends him spiralling...

    Some lenders are strict, but some lenders are addicted to interest and late fee charges. Which creates a co-dependent relationship.
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